


Future Serial Killer

by A_Kristjansson



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Bottom Carl Grimes, Carl Grimes is Eighteen Years Old, Carl has mild anorexia, Cegan, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, I will add tags as I go, Judith Grimes is dead, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Not porn, Post-Episode: s08e08, Protective Carl Grimes, Protective Negan (Walking Dead), Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry, This is based on character dynamic, Trans Male Character, also it's not real chill out, but also power bottom carl grimes, cause he's a dark little shit, hi Daniel is trans this will be elaborated on, it will get cute, it will mainly be the couple but some other plots may be included, lots of cegan, pillow princess carl grimes, shit gets dark a few times, sorry - Freeform, there's no laws and they're consensual, who likes to choke Negan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 43
Words: 75,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24544309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Kristjansson/pseuds/A_Kristjansson
Summary: Carl loses his way after escaping the burning wreck of Alexandria and runs to the woods to get somewhere safe. There he meets friends and enemies, until one night, Negan finds the camp he shares with his new best friend and they talk. Carl goes with him to gain safety but he's still critical of the man, not letting him touch him at all and keeping his bandage on to defy him.Slowly Carl comes to respect Negan and they become friends eventually, but it takes a while for them to get comfortable with each other. Carl doesn't want to like the man but he can't help himself. Their personalities match too well to stay away.
Relationships: Carl Grimes/Negan, Carl Grimes/Original Female Character(s), Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character(s), Rick Grimes/Michonne
Comments: 84
Kudos: 101





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I'll probably edit this story as I'm writing it so don't be surprised if things are added or changed to existing chapters.
> 
> I love the dynamic between Carl and Negan so I wanted to write a fic that wasn't all about the sex and focused more on their developing relationship as their personalities start to meld together.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> P.S. There will be mature scenes eventually but it's called a slow-burn fic for a reason, folks ;)

Carl watched with his eye widened as his world fell to ash, fires blazing out of control within the confines of Alexandria and starting to burn the barricades too. Smoke was billowing up and into the night sky, making his eye dry and itchy and irritating his socket. It sent his heart into overdrive as he tried hard not to hyperventilate.

The teen wasn’t one for displays of emotion but everything and everyone he cared about was burning down before him. It was enough to break his heart and then some. Negan burned it all down.

He hesitated, looking around at his surroundings to try and find any sign of his family. His mind was swamped with the noise of screams inside Alexandria, people who didn’t make it out, people left behind. He couldn’t find anyone in the smoky darkness, the black of night blinding him.

‘Dad?!’ Carl called into the black, but no one replied, and then he heard the groans begin.

Looking behind him, he could see stray walkers starting to gather further back from Alexandria’s falling gates, dead bones and rotting guts trailing along on the concrete underneath. There was at least ten by the time he focused on them, all approaching as slow as their dead feet would allow.

‘Shit.’

He had to move; he knew that. It wasn’t the time for sentiment.

He ran without hesitation, disappearing into the woods and avoiding the nostrils of the walkers heading for Alexandria as they focused on the big orange light in the sky.

Ducking under branches and kicking through fallen leaves, he ran for at least two miles on adrenaline before he found an open glade in the trees. He stopped. This was good. If he sat facing the glade, he’d see enemies coming, and anyone coming from behind would be caught out by the crunch of leaves under their feet.

After arranging some more twigs and leaves to alert him, he sat down, back resting against a tree. The darkness swarmed in front of his eye, specks of dust gliding in the slight breeze. He couldn’t sleep on the ground, made unsafe by the promise of walkers coming during his rest and tearing into him. Sleep wasn’t coming for a long time though.

Behind his eyelids, visions of fire and smoke, Negan’s face as he looked up at him from the ground, the tears that blurred his own eye as he kept talking to let the others get away. He could hear the anger in his voice when he realised what he’d done, the rage inside him directed towards Carl’s betrayal.  
He didn’t regret helping his family, but he regretted manipulating Negan to do it.

Carl sighed and tried to clear his head as he looked up at the sky, watching a star project a white line across the dark as it shot past and let out a huff.  
‘Wishing upon a shooting star won’t help, Carl.’ He muttered to himself before standing and reaching up to the branches, climbing into the tree.  
He wouldn’t be asleep, but at least he’d be safer.

He settled on the thickest branch he could find, bending one leg to rest his foot on it and laying the other out flat on the bark, relaxing somewhat into the hard surface of the wood. His surroundings were totally silent, only the quiet scratch of bird talons on bark nearby. Carl could still smell burning but he was sure that was a memory now – he was too far away from the fire to be smelling anything but clean air and rotting carcass.

A few groans started in the distance and he could hear rustling, quietly watching three walkers wander past his perch, completely unaware of his presence. Carl sighed, taking out his belt and securing it around his thighs and the branch he was resting on. He hoped it would be enough to keep him from falling out if he drifted off.

He did his best to stay awake, reminding himself of the horror of the last 24 hours to keep sleep away, but eventually, he passed out from the stress of the day, falling asleep on the thick branch.

~

‘Dad! Judith!’ Carl ran into the arms of his father, his little sister between them as they hugged.

Rick had such a tight grip on the teen that it made him feel safe, erasing any doubt that they might have left him alone. He hugged back enthusiastically, tears streaming down his face as the stress of believing he’d lost them for so long descended on him.

‘You left us to die.’

It was a quiet whisper, almost unnoticeable, but it made Carl look up from where his head was buried in his dad’s shoulder. He stumbled backwards in shock when he did.

Both his dad and sister’s faces were melting, flames burning their clothes as their skin melted to the bone, skeletons approaching him as he fell back onto the ground.

‘You killed us, Carl, you let us burn!’ His dad’s voice was getting louder and crackled with every step he took towards him, Carl scrambling backwards as fast as he could to get away.

Judith’s hand, melted to the bones underneath her skin, reached out for him, scratching his cheek-

‘Hey!’

Carl jolted awake at the sound of an unknown voice, hitting away an approaching hand near his face and falling back onto the ground again. He breathed heavily as he looked up at the stranger in front of him, seeing black skin and wide brown eyes staring down at him.

‘Who are you?! Where am I?’ He panicked, trying to sit up until he felt pain in his ankle as it shifted.

‘Fuck-’

‘Yeah, you sprained it falling out of that tree, I assume. You didn’t tie yourself up there very well.’

Carl frowned, sitting up and holding his leg to keep it still.

‘I didn’t mean to fall asleep.’

The girl snorted, flashing him a smile.

‘It was 2 am when I found you, I doubt you had much choice in keeping your eyes… eye open. You’re lucky I found ya.’ She was sat on a rock beside a fire, cooking some sort of meat on a stick as another guy sat beside her, sharpening a slate dagger with a rock.

The guy was quieter, ginger hair falling in front of his eyes with skin as pale as Carl’s. He didn’t know whether to trust him, he was too quiet.

Carl noticed that he was laid down on softer ground, flowers gathered around the line of his body to act like makeshift cushioning. He looked up at the mystery girl with a slight smile.

‘Thank you for helping me. I’m Carl.’

‘Ada. This is Daniel. Nice to meet you.’

Carl nodded and took the meat offered to him when it finished cooking and staying quiet while they ate together. He felt uneasy, feeling Daniel’s brown eyes boring holes into his head. The food was a godsend, but the company didn’t feel safe just yet.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If y'all are interested, I'm going to make a Pinterest board for this fic so that you can get an appearance base for non-canon characters and just some atmosphere pics ^^
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Carl spent a month with Ada and Daniel, hunting for food and collecting water from a nearby stream, taking out the few walkers that had appeared. He was starting to enjoy the company, finally, but he was still plagued by nightmares of Alexandria.

Every night he would have the same dream: Negan’s face staring up at him, then using a torch to set his dad and sister on fire. He had to watch them melt every time he closed his eyes, only able to forget during the day when he could talk to Ada.

Daniel hadn’t spoken to him yet, only giving small nods and pointing to things if he needed Carl to hand them over. He hadn’t seen the red-haired boy talk to Ada either, but he assumed he was just quiet. He remembered being like that as a child, so he gave Daniel space, giving him a thumbs up every so often just to make sure he was okay. Daniel would always return the gesture.

He jumped down from a branch at the edge of the glade they occupied, bending his knees when he landed so he didn’t break anything. He had speared a squirrel from his usual perch and tied it to his belt before coming down, jogging over to where Ada was washing her face with the water from the hollowed tree they had fashioned for collection.

‘You find lunch?’

‘Fat squirrel, enough for the three of us.’ Carl nodded, untying it from his belt and handing it to Daniel who had become quite skilled at skinning the animals he hunted.

‘Okay. The drinking water should still be fresh, but I scrubbed the hollow again just in case bugs got in. I’m going to piss, Daniel’s in charge.’ Ada told him as she stood up, hesitating as she stepped past the gap between Carl and the log surrounding the fire.

Carl held his breath, leaning back a little for her despite the lack of a place to go. He and Ada had grown closer over the month. Living in such close quarters and helping keep each other alive, it had brought their bodies flush together quite a few times, making Carl’s breath hitch the more it happened.

Ada was beautiful, and he’d come to the conclusion that he had a crush on the slightly older girl within the first week of living with her and Daniel. It wasn’t because she reminded him of Enid, in fact, she was nothing like Enid. She was rougher, foul-mouthed, skilled with a bow and arrow. Her skin reminded him of the black coffee his dad used to drink in the mornings before work, giving him a sense of comfort every time he looked at her.

Carl found himself getting lost in her dark eyes more than a few times while Ada stared back at him from across the fire. He didn’t know what she felt about him, the lanky, girl-haired pale motherfucker who she had to save from being eaten because of his own stupidity. He was hesitant to ask, fearing rejection and embarrassment, so he left it alone, making his interactions with her and Daniel equal so to avoid suspicion.

As they sat around the fire later on, the squirrel cooking on a stick that Daniel was turning every so often, he and Ada were perched on the same log on opposite ends of it. Daniel smiled at them occasionally but mostly kept to himself as he took care of dinner. It made Carl curious enough to ask.

‘Why do you never speak? I’ve known you for a month and you haven’t said a word.’ He said bluntly but it wasn’t malicious.

Daniel looked up from the meat and nodded to Ada who spoke up.

‘Daniel’s mute. The group he was with before me cut out his tongue for trying to steal food for his little brother. We communicate through sign language when we really need to. That’s why I never leave him alone.’ She explained, to which Daniel nodded, smiling at Carl, and tapping his lips without opening them.

Carl smiled back to return the gesture, feeling a lot better in Daniel’s company now and pointing to his covered socket.

‘I know a little about missing senses. My friend shot out my eye.’

Daniel’s eyes widened and Carl assumed that he signed something to Ada when his hands moved in a specific sequence. He turned to her for confirmation. Ada smiled.

‘He wants to know if you’ll show him. He’ll show you his tongue if you do.’

Carl frowned, looking back at Daniel who nodded and pointed towards his bandage. He hesitated now, unsure if he wanted to take the wrapping off. It took him a moment to nod, figuring they were both making themselves vulnerable so he wouldn’t be alone.

He unwrapped the bandage slowly, bringing it away from his face and brushing his hair back to show Daniel who watched with wide eyes. The redhead smiled kindly when he saw the socket, opening his mouth and sitting forward a bit for Carl to see.

The front half of his tongue was missing, replaced with scar tissue and the twitching fleshy muscle at the back that helped him swallow still. It had clearly healed over time, the blood circulating normally through the remaining flesh to make it function appropriately. Carl couldn’t imagine how much that had hurt.

He smiled back at Daniel who nodded to him, reaching his hand out to clasp with Carl’s who returned the gesture, glad to have Daniel as an ally despite his disability.

‘Glad you two are better friends now.’ Ada commented from the side-lines, sitting closer to Carl now as she ate her food when Daniel handed it over.

Carl blushed at Ada’s proximity to him, breaking into his own third of the squirrel in silence while the three of them ate.

~

It was later before any of them spoke again. Carl had climbed back up to his hunting perch to look out for dinner, legs swinging over the edge of the branch as he kept his long spear in his hand to strike fast. He’d been sitting there for half an hour, still waiting for some sort of critter to scurry past in the undergrowth.

‘No victim for your spear yet?’

Carl looked to his left to see Ada climbing up onto his perching branch, settling herself to sit beside him.

‘Nothing yet. I thought you never left Daniel alone?’

‘He has a whistle that he made. Works pretty well.’ She smiled, swinging her legs beside his and putting her hands on the branch to steady herself, her right hand centimetres from Carl’s left.

Carl glanced at their hands momentarily before focusing on the ground again, looking for food.

‘I’m not with him, you know. Like with him, with him.’

He hesitated somewhat before replying.

‘What do you mean?’ He would act oblivious until Ada’s feelings were confirmed, keeping his gaze down.

Carl watched the ground until he couldn’t focus anymore, turning to Ada only to find her lips already on his. His eyes widened for a moment before he allowed himself to kiss back, not lifting his hand to her cheek just in case it made them both fall. They kissed for a long time before pulling apart, breath intermingling as they stared at each other, the spear in Carl’s hand wobbly as his grip loosened somewhat with the distraction.

Ada was the first to speak.

‘That was… good.’ She grinned at him, a beautiful expression on her face that didn’t help Carl as he tried to gather himself, letting out a relieved breath.

‘Thought you wouldn’t be interested in a skinned rabbit like me.’ He grinned back and Ada shook her head, one hand moving to squeeze Carl’s arm.

‘I like skinned rabbits.’ She smiled and they both leaned in to kiss again until the sound of a whistle broke them out of their trance.

Carl’s eye widened and Ada immediately moved to the trunk to climb down, both of them running back to camp to help Daniel.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the link to the Pinterest board for this story ^^
> 
> https://pin.it/2B6RRFP

Carl and Ada ran without abandon at the sound of Daniel’s whistle, barely missing each hazard that they could trip over. The whistling continued for a few more seconds, giving them hope, but then it stopped.

‘Shit!’ He cursed, running faster and finally coming onto their camp, seeing his worst fear come to life.

Negan was standing there, Lucille on his shoulder and a smirk on his face as one of the other Saviours held a knife to Daniel’s throat. Tears were streaming down Daniel’s face, brown eyes watery from upset as he looked at Carl from the distance between them.

‘Hey, Carl. Long time, no see.’ Negan was grinning at him, clearly happy with himself as he took a step closer to Daniel, making Carl cry out.

‘Don’t touch him.’ It was a growl, a warning that meant fuck all with the position he was in, but he didn’t care.

Negan couldn’t hurt anyone else that mattered to him.

The older man turned to him; false grin still plastered on his face as he pointed Lucille at Carl in the space between them.

‘Did your ass just growl at me? You brave motherfucker. But if I were you, Grimes, I’d be asking for fucking mercy after what you did at Alexandria!’ He yelled, looking down at Daniel who was cowering now, afraid of the aura coming off the man.

Carl didn’t blame him, but the attitude wasn’t affecting him.

‘Touch him and I’ll kill you, Negan.’

A low laugh escaped the bat-wielding psychopath, his grin appearing again. He didn’t reply to Carl.

‘What do you think, ginger? Ya think your buddy will kill me?’

Daniel looked up at him with watery eyes, shaking his head quickly which made more tears fall. Carl wished he could help him, but he was helpless at this distance, left to watch his friend be tormented by the man in control of his life.

Negan didn’t look very happy with Daniel’s reply, and judging by the grip he suddenly had on his red hair, he would be getting the answer he wanted before he left them. He tugged at Daniel’s hair until his face was pointing up to him, baring his teeth. Carl knew his friend was in more danger now.

‘When I ask you a question, you SPEAK!’ The redhead was trembling in Negan’s hold, even Carl could see that from a distance, making him speak up for Daniel despite the danger.

‘He’s mute!’ Ada answered from beside him before he could say the same thing, her hand over her mouth as she shook with the same fear.

She clearly didn’t want to lose her best friend, and Carl didn’t want her to either.

‘He’s mute, huh? Did the cat get your tongue? Open up, kid.’ Negan urged Daniel, thumb on his chin as he shook desperately, not wanting to upset the dangerous man again.

Carl watched Daniel open his mouth to show Negan his tongue and glowered at the man when he guffawed at the sight.

‘Fuck, that shit is disgusting. No wonder you keep your mouth shut.’ He grinned and Carl growled again, approaching closer to Negan when no one was watching him.

He only stopped short when the end of Lucille hit his chest, cutting him off three feet from Negan’s chest. His dark eyes flickered to look at Carl, but he didn’t say anything – Carl was aware of the threat without a word spoken.

‘He’s not dangerous, Negan. Let him go.’ He tried to stay calm as he spoke, but his clenched fist was shaking beside his hip.

Negan regarded him with a cool expression, whistling slowly as he pulled Daniel closer to him and stroked his red hair back in a gentler fashion.

‘Anyone else get out of the fire like you, kid?’

‘Why would I tell you that?’

Negan grinned, nodding and looking down at the teen in his grip.

‘He’s smart, isn’t he? Much smarter than his daddy.’ Daniel nodded, fearful, and cried out in relief when he was let go, running to Ada and hiding behind Carl who was still facing off against the psycho with the bat.

‘You can keep your little friend. What happened to your sister?’

‘You killed her.’ Carl didn’t hesitate to answer him, keeping his voice steady and his eye on the dark ones locked on him.

Negan’s smile dropped and he ran his gloved hand over his face, sighing.

‘Shit, kid. I’m sorry. I never wanted that to happen.’

‘Bullshit. You went in there and bombed the place. You didn’t have to do that. Her blood is on your hands, asshole.’ Carl hissed, zero care for his own safety now as he wrapped his hand around the bat pressed into his chest.

He ignored the screaming pain going up his arm as the barbs cut into his skin, looking Negan dead in the eye. Negan almost looked concerned when Carl did that, the teen noticing a flash of something akin to worry cross his face.

‘Daddy was going to start a war, kid, I had to end it before it began. The little one is dead because your dad couldn’t comply with my rules.’ He explained evenly, staying completely still.

Carl let out a little laugh when he noticed Negan trying to be careful.

‘Don’t want to hurt me? That’s new.’

‘I have an unfortunate amount of sympathy for you, kid, I’d rather not see you dead.’

Carl barked out a louder laugh at that admission, squeezing his hand tighter around the bat just to watch the older man squirm.

‘I don’t see the sympathy in burning me alive.’

‘I was backed into a corner.’

‘Interesting way of putting it.’

Negan grinned again, nodding to Ada and Daniel behind him.

‘You seem to be getting on pretty well here. Forget about your family that easily, huh? It’s only been a month, you little sociopath.’ He said bluntly, tilting his head as Carl finally took his hand off the bat and shook the blood off of it.

‘I’m not a sociopath.’ Carl argued in a stubborn voice against Negan’s comment, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in when he moved Lucille back to rest on his shoulder.

He wiped his hand on his overshirt, wincing at the rubbing on his cuts and looking down at his hand.

‘You’re not fooling anybody, kid. Are you coming or not?’

Carl looked up with a glare, hissing.

‘Coming where?’

‘To get your hand stitched up, you little asshole, barbed wire that beats brains to mush will make your hand fall off.’

Carl let out a little huff as he looked down at his hand.

‘Carl, we don’t have the supplies to patch your hand up. You know it’ll get infected, let’s just go with him.’ Ada spoke up from behind him, her hand linking into his from behind and squeezing to reassure him.

The teen hesitated, looking between Negan, his thugs, then Ada and Daniel.

‘Listen to your girlfriend, kid. You’ve already lost an eye, no need to lose anything else.’ Negan told him, eyeing the girl with suspicion.

Carl looked back to see Ada looking up at him, brown eyes shining under the dull light of the sun.

‘You need help, Carl.’ She insisted, making his resolve weaken even more when she leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips.

Daniel nodded his agreement behind her, frowning from what Carl assumed was surprise at seeing them kiss. He sighed, nodding too, and turning back to Negan who was swinging his bat in circles now, tapping his foot like he was bored.

‘Fine.’

‘What?’ He raised an eyebrow, still looking bored.

‘I need your help.’

Negan grinned, stopping the spinning of his bat and approaching Carl, crossing the three feet of distance between them.

‘Holy fucking shit! Did you just fucking ask for my help? Did the little badass motherfucker just admit to needing my help? Huh?’ He had a shit-eating grin on his face as he turned to the guys behind him who nodded, all three of them whistling in their signature tone.

‘What an obedient little thing you are. Come on then, follow us, you’ll be riding with me. The mute and your girlfriend will go with the guys so we can have a little private chat.’ Negan smirked, petting his long hair with his gloved hand, which made Carl bite him on instinct.

The older man yelled out in pain when the teen drew blood and stepped back a bit. He looked down at his bleeding wrist once, then Carl’s cheek was stinging from a slap, pain radiating through his face.

‘You little shit, are you trying to attract the dead?!’

Carl kept his gaze locked with Negan’s, his eye watering from the pain as he spat out the metallic blood in his mouth onto Negan’s face.

Negan snarled, moving his face closer to Carl’s, and pointing at him.

‘You’re a lucky little fucker. I’m not even going to kill one of your friends for that.’

‘Losing your touch after bashing in so many heads?’

Another slap.

‘You want to keep going? The next slap to the face will be a knife slicing the mute’s neck.’ Negan hissed which made Carl go quiet, his care for his friends overriding his asshole attitude.

The man in front of him nodded happily when he went quiet, petting Carl’s hair once now that it was safe, just to spite the teen.

‘Good boy. Now we can fix up your hand.’ He smiled but Carl just bared his blood-stained teeth like a wild animal, hissing.

‘I’ll still kill you.’

‘You’ll try.’


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there everyone ^^
> 
> In this chapter, I elude to the fact that Daniel is a transgender male and mention dangerous binding procedures briefly. I would like to encourage anyone reading this who binds their chest to make sure they use a real binder, and avoid using bandages as they can cause serious damage to your ribs.
> 
> Thank you for your time, enjoy the chapter xx

Carl watched as the Saviours handled their possessions roughly, chucking them in the back of the van. It felt wrong to follow Negan and his men, to get help from them felt like he was betraying his dad. He hated the sick feeling that it caused.

The large men who had followed Negan were surprisingly gentle with his friends, unlike their possessions, offering a hand to both Daniel and Ada as they climbed into the van. Ada gave Carl a reassuring smile before disappearing into the van, forcing Carl to acknowledge Negan’s presence, who was now standing with the car door open.

‘Get the hell in the car before I slap you again.’

‘I’ll bite you again if you touch me.’

‘And then I’ll kill the pretty boy in the van as payment, so get your ass in the car.’

Carl huffed out a breath but didn’t argue anymore, getting into the passenger side and glaring at Negan while the man got in and started driving. They were quiet for a long time, at least ten minutes of driving time passing before Negan made any noise.

‘I’m sorry about your sister. She was a cute kid.’ Carl rolled his eyes at that comment, turning his head to look out the window and glimpsing the sight of a walker ripping into a deer.

‘Can’t believe deers still exist.’ He murmured quietly to himself, but Negan obviously heard, the car dead silent other than the sound of both their breathing.

‘Nature finds a way, kid.’

‘Could you stop calling me that?!’ Carl snapped, frustrated by the whole situation.

How the fuck did he end up in his father’s enemy’s car? Losing his dad wasn’t enough for the world apparently because now the nightmares were joined by the real fucking face in front of his eyes, driving the car he was sitting in and offering medical help. What the fuck happened to make this chain of events unfold?

Negan looked somewhat surprised when Carl snapped but he didn’t care, irritated enough by the man’s face, never mind his nicknames for him. He hated being called a kid, he was seventeen for fuck's sake, or at least he thought he was. He wasn’t a kid anymore; he should have been equal to Negan. Instead, with no weapons to his name, he’d allowed himself to be picked up like a kid taking candy from a stranger, and he’d dragged his unsuspecting friends along with him.

The Saviours were a horrid group of mercenaries who would most likely rape Ada and beat Daniel to death, and he’d led them right into their waiting hands. He hated himself for it.

The car seemed quieter now, like Negan didn’t know what to say after the teen’s outburst, before he finally spoke.

‘You deserved to be one, though. You deserved the time to grow up like I did, in a normal world without the dead roaming the streets. But you’re right, you’re not a kid, you haven’t been for a long time.’ He sighed, staring out at the open road as he drove them to the Sanctuary.

Carl glanced at him, still with a sour puss look on his face.

‘Why are you helping me, Negan? Do you have a game plan here? Am I a dead man walking?’

‘Now you see, that’s how I know you’re not a kid. You ask the right goddamn questions.’ Negan hummed but he didn’t answer him, pulling up within the gates of the Sanctuary when they were opened in front of them.

‘Still just as ugly as it was last time.’

‘You’re not funny. Hey, unload the shit, I gotta take the kids to the Doc!’ Negan gestured to a few people standing around, who quickly went to the van to unload the supplies in it.

Carl looked around at the settlement, surprised to see an extra growing patch with plants sprouting from the soil, and a different dog barking at the chained walkers at the front gates.

‘What happened to the other one?’

Negan looked at him and then to where he was pointing.

‘Oh, that. The other one got too close to the dead motherfuckers.’ He explained simply, putting a tight hand on Carl’s shoulder as they waited for Ada and Daniel to get out of the van.

Daniel looked terrified as he took in the Sanctuary, stumbling away from the guy who let him out and staying glued to Ada’s side. She, on the other hand, looked up at the height of the building in amazement, before approaching Negan and Carl.

‘Your guys are alright.’

‘They’re under my orders and I’m not a bad guy.’

‘Don’t think Glenn and Abe would agree with that.’

‘Who?’ Negan turned to Carl with a smirk, but the teen knew it was just to get a rise out of him.

He lowered his shaking fist, not wanting to start something he couldn’t finish without a weapon, and settled for insulting instead.

‘Asshole.’

‘You’re going to wear that nickname out in a day, aren’t ya? Okay, kids, time for a check-up and stitches!’ He announced, putting an arm around Daniel’s shoulders when Ada moved back to Carl, walking ahead of them with the younger man.

Ada put her hand in Carl’s once she was beside him, leaning on his shoulder and looking up at him with big eyes.

‘You think he’s okay?’

‘How would I know? That bastard beat two of my friends’ brains to mush and now he’s inviting me to his house for free stitches? It doesn’t make sense.’

Ada frowned, stroking the back of Carl’s uninjured hand.

‘He hasn’t hurt us so far. Maybe he’s had a change of heart?’ She suggested, a little too optimistic for Carl’s liking.

‘I might believe that if he hadn’t burned my family alive a month ago.’

They entered the Sanctuary building and followed Negan with Daniel, who was looking around the place curiously. Negan seemed to point things out to him every so often in casual conversation, and Carl only watched while he noticed a faint smile on Ada’s face at the two’s interaction.

When they reached what he assumed to be the medical part of the Sanctuary, the doctor kneeled in front of them, bowing his head to Negan who beamed proudly, looking back at Ada and Carl like he was proving a point. Carl knew exactly what that point was, and he didn’t need it proven again after his last experience in the Sanctuary.

‘Doc, you remember Carl. I don’t know the names of the other two. The lady can introduce them both.’ He waved a hand in the direction of Ada and wandered over to one of the supply cabinets, pulling out what Carl assumed to be painkillers.

‘Ada, that’s Daniel.’ Ada smiled at the doctor from beside Carl, letting Daniel stick to her side again when Negan let go of him.

‘The little bastard bit me. Can you believe that shit, Doc? I offer him help and he fucking bites me.’

‘You had it coming.’

‘That mouth is gonna get you fucking killed.’ Negan warned to shut Carl up, sitting on a chair and swallowing down the painkillers.

Carl glared at him, turning back to the doctor who seemed focused on his job now.

‘Okay, Simon told me about the bite on your wrist, I’ll deal with that after the check-ups since it’ll take longer. Here.’ He rummaged through a cupboard and brought out a syringe and a bottle of medicine.

‘Tetanus shot, Carl, can you take your shirt off for me?’

That made Negan wolf-whistle and he smirked at Carl, clearly already doped from the painkillers.

‘Yeah, Carl, shirt off. Give the lady something to look at.’

Carl did his best to ignore the man, taking off his shirt and giving the doctor his arm. Once the injection was done, the man evaluated his injured hand and then shook his head.

‘Those deep cuts will take a while to stitch. May I examine you two first? Especially you, Daniel.’ He smiled at Ada and Daniel.

‘Why especially him?’ Carl frowned from where he was standing, feeling wary of the doctor all of a sudden in case he posed a danger to Daniel.

Daniel looked uneasy now as he shifted back and forth on his feet. The doctor didn’t approach him but spoke in a kind tone.

‘What are you using to bind your chest, Daniel?’

Carl saw Daniel’s eyes widen and it took him a moment to catch on before he realised what the doctor meant. Daniel was always awake before him, always went to sleep after he did, always wore the same baggy hoodie during the day despite the heat. Oh…

Ada stepped in when Daniel was questioned, and Carl supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised that she already knew. The pair had been travelling together two years before they met him.

‘We searched for a real one for months but couldn’t find one, he’s been using bandages. I told him not to, it’s not like anyone else is going to see but he wouldn’t listen.’ She sighed, looking away when Daniel glared at her.

The doctor nodded slowly, glancing at Negan who was frowning, looking concerned as he watched Daniel retreat into himself.

‘Okay then. I need to examine Daniel, and Carl needs to be stitched up. Sir, are you willing to deal with Carl’s wounds?’ He asked Negan politely who took a moment before nodding, collecting the stitching equipment and standing behind Carl, waiting for the go-ahead from the doctor.

‘Make sure the cuts are clean before you stitch them. Ada, if you could stay to interpret for Daniel, I’d be thankful. My sign language isn’t the best and I’d rather he wasn’t bending to write things down.’ The doctor smiled at Ada, who nodded, kissing Carl’s cheek once before sitting on the examining table with Daniel, holding his hand in hers.

Carl smiled at Daniel who managed a small smile back, and he was glad he’d reassured him that he wasn’t bothered by the discovery. Starting for the door, Carl was almost out of the room with Negan when one of the guards across the hall whispered under his breath and both of them caught it.

‘Tranny freak.’

Negan’s reaction was immediate and terrifying, and Carl ducked so low when he heard the shot that he almost hit the floor, doing his best to stifle the scream that wanted to leave him when he saw the guard on the floor, a bullet in his forehead.

‘I don’t have time for that shit in my house. Come on, your hand needs attention more than the dead guy.’ Negan’s rough voice spoke up from above him, and Carl straightened to walk beside him, very aware of the hair-trigger on Negan now.

‘Okay.’


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Negan perspective in this one. I love the idea of Negan and Carl just arguing constantly so I had to include it.
> 
> Enjoy!

Carl made sure to glare at every single person they passed by when they stared at him, in enough pain to feel murderous as his adrenaline levels were finally lowering. He definitely felt the pain in his hand now.

He followed Negan up the stairs and into his bedroom, remembering it from his last visit. He stayed put by the door when Negan shut it behind him, very aware of the danger the man posed to him and not wanting to get too close. Everything seemed like a very bad idea all of a sudden.

Negan turned back to face him when he sat down on one of the couches, crooking his finger to get the teen over to him.

‘Come here, sit down.’

‘I don’t want to.’ Carl argued stubbornly, holding his injured hand to his chest, and avoiding eye contact with the man.

‘Don’t make me force you, kid.’ Negan insisted, picking up Lucille and pointing her at him.

Carl shook his head, trying to ignore the panic that flared in his chest at the threat of the weapon that almost killed him a few months before.

‘No.’

‘Move.’

‘No.’

‘Fucking shit, Carl, sit your ass down before I get really mad. You need stitches and you can’t stitch yourself cause you’ll probably be a little pussy about it, and you need both hands.’ Negan argued, gesturing to the empty space on the couch beside him.

Carl was wary of it, of him, but he reluctantly sat down beside the man, not wanting to cause more problems. He had a feeling he wouldn’t be leaving the Sanctuary for a while if Negan had anything to say about it, so he resigned himself to his fate.

He perched on the couch beside him and offered his injured hand, but Negan was eyeing him, weirdly. It took Carl a moment to realise he was eyeing the bandage covering his eye, and he immediately retaliated before Negan could speak.

‘I’m not taking it off.’

‘My house, my rules. I’ll even take it off for you, so you don’t have to use your injured hand. I’m just that nice.’ He stood up, walking behind Carl to untie the bandage.

The teen looked up at him, hoping he’d listen. Carl really hated taking the gauze off, it made him feel horrible and disfigured, and he didn’t want to be made fun of again. His eye watered at the thought of being called disgusting by Negan again. He didn’t want to be weak in front of the man.

‘Please, Negan. Don’t.’

Negan looked down at him, eyes dark with disinterest, but Carl saw something in his face soften as he perched on the arm of the couch beside him and his shoulders sagged.

~

‘Kid, do you know I have a hundred different scars on my upper body, and I don’t hide anything of them when I take my shirt off. I’ve got brands, gunshot wounds, bullets that were never removed, stab wounds, little torture slices. I even have a rectangle scar on my ribs because someone decided to cut out a strip of my skin.’ Negan told Carl as he looked up at him, observing the way the teen seemed to relax at the knowledge that Negan had scars too.

He hated that the kid was so ashamed of his eye. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but every time he looked at the kid’s scars, he felt like he was responsible for that pain. He was certainly responsible for other pain he had experienced.

Negan had asked around at Alexandria before it burned, curious about what really happened to the teen’s eye, and he’d discovered from Michonne that the culprit wasn’t even aiming for Carl. He’d intended to shoot Rick and got Carl when Michonne stabbed him, and Negan’s veins burned with anger at that information.

The kid was his favourite of all the Alexandrians, the only one he was truly fond of. Carl may not ever believe it, but Negan cared what happened to him. He was the future for him, the only kid he’d met that he thought could carry the human race into a new era. He was special, and his scars gave him strength, and Negan didn’t want him to hide them.

‘Why the fuck are you telling me about your scars?’

Back to the snarky teenager then.

Negan focused on Carl, who was glaring up at him, and narrowed his eyes.

‘You have a fucking shit mouth, you know that?’

‘You can talk. Every second word out of your mouth is ‘fuck’.’ Carl argued and it made Negan smirk, seeing the determination to be a little bitch in his one blue eye.

‘Pretty things like you shouldn’t be using language like mine.’

‘I’m not a girl, don’t call me pretty, old man!’ He snapped, cheeks flushed from anger and Negan smirked wider, enjoying the backchat he was getting now.

He might not want to hurt him, but he was sure going to enjoy making fun of him while he was here.

‘Old man, huh? Hitting me where it hurts. At least I look like a man. You’re just a scrawny. Little. Girl.’ Negan insisted, keeping his gaze fixed on the teen’s who went redder in the face at the man’s insult.

‘Glad I’m not going grey. How old are you, Negan? Eighty?’ He bit back but it only spurred Negan on.

The older man sat down on the couch again and grabbed the stitching equipment while he had Carl distracted with arguing, cracking the kit open and pouring some antiseptic onto a cloth.

‘Better looking than the human chicken wing.’ He grinned at Carl, wiping the cloth on his hand, grateful when the teen only let out a small hiss of pain before he was back to arguing with him.

‘Paedophile!’

‘Paedophile, huh? I wasn’t flirting when I said you were pretty, killer, and I’m only a paedophile if you’re a kid. I thought you didn’t want to be called a kid.’ Negan pointed out, making sure all the blood was gone from the cuts and he could only see flesh before taking the needle to Carl’s hand, pricking it into the first deep cut.

‘Bastard!’ Carl cried out from the pain when Negan did that, making the man smirk.

‘Not so smart now, huh?’

Carl scoffed, turning his head away to avoid looking at the needle.

‘Pussy.’

‘Predator.’

‘Daddy issues.’

‘I do not have daddy issues, asshole!’ Negan chuckled when Carl snapped again, easily finishing the first cut and moving onto the next.

Carl’s entire face was red at this point, sunburnt red, and it made Negan very happy. How easy it was to annoy a Grimes.

He carefully stitched the second cut, making sure the skin was aligned properly before looking up at Carl. The teen was in a state of downright refusal to look at him, his eye focused on Lucille sitting beside them both. Negan raised an eyebrow at him.

‘You thought a fifty-three-year-old man was flirting with you.’

He heard a quiet grumble leave Carl’s lips and waited for the snarky comeback, surprised when there wasn’t one. Negan shrugged to himself at Carl’s silence and continued to stitch up his cuts, being careful not to cause more pain than was necessary. The two of them were quiet in the empty room until  
Carl’s hand was finished.

Carl took his hand back as soon as Negan let go of him, making him frown.

‘Kid, I need to bandage it. Stop being difficult.’

‘I’ll be difficult if I want, you’re not my dad, you can’t tell me what to do.’

Negan growled at his stubborn response, giving up doing it the nice way and gripping Carl’s chin in his gloved hand, keeping their gazes locked.

‘You’re right, I’m not your dad. I’m not trying to be, but I do want to keep you safe. If you keep up the little shit game, I’ll leave you to the dead outside the safety of the Sanctuary. Understand yet, Carl? You got another fucking comeback for me?!’ He snapped, losing his temper a bit as Carl looked at him with wide eyes.

Negan remembered the last time he had spoken like this in front of Carl. The day he almost took the kid’s hand, pressed him to the ground and traumatised him for life. He regretted using the same tone for that moment, but the kid had to understand. He couldn’t make it ambiguous; Carl would act stupid if he did.

The teen gave a brief nod after Negan yelled, blue eye watering with a few tears dripping down his cheek. Negan wasn’t sorry in the slightest, but he also didn’t like the look on his face. He was surprised that he’d managed to make the tough little shit cry, but he supposed the loss of his family at Negan’s hand was still a fresh wound. He hadn’t had years to harden over it yet.

The man gripped Carl’s chin tighter, shaking him out of his frightened stupor.

‘Hey, remember what I said. You’re a badass, nothing scares you. Okay?’ He reassured, keeping his expression neutral when Carl nodded, letting him go.

‘Give me your hand so I can wrap it up.’ He insisted, watching the kid stretch his hand out to him again and taking it in his, slowly covering the stitches with fresh white bandaging.

‘Thank you, Negan.’ It was quiet but Negan caught it.

He smiled just a little.

‘No problem, kiddo.’


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, kind peeps.
> 
> This chapter is slightly shorter than usual, simply because I wanted to get another one out before bed and I'm rather tired at the minute.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! Remember to leave feedback if you have any, it's super, duper appreciated xx

Carl shook off his hand when Negan finished wrapping it up, staying quiet while the man led him out of the bedroom and downstairs to the community hall.

‘If you’re finished being a dumbass, I’ll show you to the room you can set up in. You’ll be roommates with your girlfriend and the mute kid.’ The man told him as he swung his bat through the air, making Carl flinch momentarily even if it wasn’t aiming for him.

The teen nodded at his comment, shrugging.

‘That’s fine. Been living with them for a month, we’re comfortable with each other.’

‘I can see that. Girlfriend’s pretty, but I thought you were with that pale one at Alexandria?’ Negan raised an eyebrow at him, running a hand through his hair as they wandered down another hallway.

Carl didn’t know where it came from, and its appearance made an uneasy feeling settle in his stomach briefly, but a smirk spread on his face and he shrugged.

‘Well, she melted.’

‘That’s morbid, kid.’ Negan chuckled and Carl shrugged again, tucking his hands into his pockets.

‘Death is meant to be morbid.’

They strolled through the corridors into the depths of the Sanctuary, passing by rooms and rooms of families and couples living their lives in the safety of the building. Carl thought it was peaceful in the Sanctuary, the smell of freshly cooked meat wafting from the main hall. It was unlike anything at Alexandria, despite the murderous security.

‘What happened to your hat?’

‘What?’

‘Your hat’s missing.’ Negan pointed to his head and Carl quickly touched it, his eye widening in surprise.

He hadn’t thought about his hat in so long, and he didn’t remember putting it on and off recently. Maybe…

‘I think I left it in Alexandria.’

‘Jesus Christ, and you’ve only just noticed? Great observation skills there, kiddo.’ Negan chuckled, making the teen glare at him and then focus on the hallway ahead of them.

‘Here. It’s not far from my room just in case you need anything from me. The guards are not helpful at all.’

‘You should hire new ones, then.’

‘Not enough people left in the world, kid.’ Carl noticed the flicker of a smile on Negan’s face before it was gone, and he was being shoved forward into the family room.

The room was made of brick and metal, a bunk bed and an extra bed on the other side gracing it.

‘Bathrooms are shared, down the end of the hallway to your right. Breakfast between half 6 and half 9, lunch at 12, dinner is usually at 6 but you’re eating with me tonight so we can go over ground rules so be in my room by 7.’

Carl nodded along to the instructions, taking off his overshirt and throwing it on the top bunk of the bed. He gripped the edge of the mattress, fists clenched as much as they could be with all the cuts on his hand. He took a deep breath before speaking, glancing at Negan who was still leaning against the wall beside the door.

‘Why are you doing this for me? You were determined to kill me a few months ago.’

‘That was your dad’s fault.’

‘That’s bullshit.’

Carl turned and pointed a finger at Negan, approaching him from across the room.

‘You did it because you wanted to. You like killing, you’re a psycho!’

Negan’s face hardened at Carl’s words and he grabbed the teen’s finger, pushing him against the wall so he had the advantage.

‘Listen, you little fuck. Your dearest daddy was going to drag everyone down, he was ready to start a war. He was putting Alexandria in danger, you in danger, Judith in danger! He didn’t even blink an eye when I said I was going to kill you, dipshit, don’t you get that? He didn’t give a fuck about anyone else anymore!’

‘That’s not true!’

‘The only thing he cared about was revenge. I didn’t start that war, but I finished it to keep you and your sister safe! You were safer dead than with him.’ Negan hissed at him; eyes fiery as he bared his teeth at him.

Carl was about to say something when the door creaked open and Ada and Daniel wandered in, Daniel swamped in a loose hoodie. Ada raised an eyebrow at the two men against the wall with their teeth at each other’s throats, but didn’t say anything, deciding to focus on getting Daniel into bed on the bottom bunk.

Negan’s eyes flickered back to Carl while the teen just sneered at him. They separated from their squished-up position and Negan pointed at him.

‘I believe a thank you is in order. For saving you from your dad.’

Carl glared up at him, looking like he was about to kill him. Angry that the man had backed him into a corner with his generosity. He hated him.

‘Thank you, Negan.’ He ground out, finding it much more difficult than the first time he’d said it, cause this time he didn’t mean it in the slightest.

Negan just smirked, settling Lucille on his shoulder and petting Daniel’s hair on his way out.

‘Sleep well, kid.’ Carl heard him murmur, and his heart softened a little at the words, but he still glared at the man until he’d left the room.

He turned to Ada once Negan was gone, smiling a little.

‘Hey, how was the doctor’s?’ He was concerned for Daniel despite his anger at the older man, sitting down when Ada did on her separate bed.

‘Daniel’s fine. His ribs are pretty bruised, and the doctor says he can’t wear his bandages for a while, but he’ll heal.’

Carl nodded, leaning back against the wall as Ada sidled up beside him, putting his arm around her waist as they both sat watching Daniel sleep.

‘You have to tell me what Negan did to you, Carl. I want to know if this place is safe for us.’ Ada insisted, leaning on his shoulder, and pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek.

Carl sighed, brushing his hair away from his exposed socket as he gained a little more bravery without the bandage now.

‘Yeah, I know. I know there’s more to it than what I saw, but the first time I met Negan, I was on my knees in a circle of my family, and he walked out with that godforsaken bat...'


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there ^^ I hope you're enjoying this fic x
> 
> Thank you for reading, please comment if you like ^^

It had been a week since Carl had last seen Negan when he saw him again, the man sauntering up to him while he ate his lunch on duty. He’d been posted at barrier protection, working under Arat, which had its downfalls. She had already assured him that she was aiming for him and not Olivia, and now she was in charge of him.

Negan going over the rules at dinner that night had been an eye-opener. His rules were reasonable, very reasonable. So much so that the punishments of ironing and death didn’t even make him blink an eye.

He had sat on the couch opposite from Negan, his hand linked with Ada’s as they listened with Daniel to the rules. The man had watched him with dark eyes, a dangerous atmosphere emanating from his posture as he explained everything. Carl had simply stared back into the darkness, unwilling to let himself be intimidated.

Their staring contest lasted all the way through until Negan finished speaking, leaning back against the couch with his arms crossed as he observed the three of them. Carl had been put on the barriers, Ada on medical with Doc, and Daniel was given a kitchen job, his skill in cooking giving him a good position.

That was how Carl ended up perched on a lookout post behind the barbed fences, biting into a fresh apple. He couldn’t believe the quality of the food at the Sanctuary. Almost everything was fresh, warm bread and hot chocolate, it was a dream. If only it wasn’t run by the guy who killed his family.

He had slowly been trying to forgive Negan, but his nightmares still plagued his mind whenever he fell asleep. He’d woken his friends more than a few times, waking up in the middle of the night to Daniel shaking him. He didn’t want to do that to them, but the images never let him sleep peacefully, breaking him into a sweat every night.

‘Hey, kid.’

Carl was broken from his thoughts by Negan’s voice, the man’s heavy boots climbing the metal ladder that led to the grate he was perched on. He settled beside him on the edge, both their legs swinging over the edge.

‘Enjoying your apple?’ Negan raised an eyebrow at him, causing Carl to shrug, biting into it again.

‘I like apples.’

‘Me too.’ Carl put a knife to Negan’s throat when his hand moved behind him, on alert for any moves the man would make to harm him.

Negan let out a huffed laugh, slowly producing his own apple from behind his back and biting into it.

‘You’re a dangerous little thing, aren’t you?’

Carl huffed, retracting the knife, and turning back to look at the horizon.

‘I’m not little.’ He muttered angrily through a mouthful of apple, shoving Negan’s arm with his elbow for good measure.

He could see Negan grinning at him from the corner of his eye.

‘Aww, did I upset the baby?’

‘You’re an asshole.’

‘And you just put a knife to my throat, I’d say we’re even.’

They both went quiet after that, eating their apples and staring out onto the landscape. There weren’t any walkers around, thankfully, so the sun and blue sky were undisturbed by the reminder of the apocalypse.

Carl felt Negan shift beside him, looking to his side to see him bending one leg to sit his foot on the grate. He’d noticed on the day he brought him home that Negan had carved a Lucille symbol into the leather of his boots, the image standing out in his mind from the pistol he had found in his armoury before they even met.

‘Do you carve that into all your shit?’

Negan looked at him when he spoke and then seemed to realise what he was talking about, shrugging.

‘Keeps people away from my shit. You aren’t wearing the gauze.’ He pointed out, wiggling his finger in a gesture towards Carl’s eye.

The teen shrugged too.

‘I’m starting to get used to it, and your people stay away if I leave it uncovered. Must be scared of the scar.’

‘Or it’s that sour puss look you always have on your face. Do you ever smile?’ Negan teased, poking at Carl’s ribs.

The younger man simply swiped his knife at his hand, snarling when Negan pulled away fast enough to avoid injury.

‘Stop touching me.’

‘You really are in a bad mood today, huh? You figured out your age yet?’

‘Eighteen and five months. Denise helped me figure the calendar out.’

Negan nodded, teeth crunching into his apple as he swung his leg underneath the grate.

‘Good. What’s on your mind? Why are you so grumpy today?’

‘I’m always grumpy, psycho.’

Negan chuckled when Carl said that, a deep rumbling sound that distracted Carl from his thoughts for only a second before he was glaring at him again, wondering what the hell just happened. Why did the bastard’s laugh distract him like that?

‘I know you’re always grumpy, kiddo, but this is different. You only call me psycho when you’re angry about something, what are you angry about?’ The man pried and Carl squirmed under his hard gaze, looking down at his apple that was almost finished now.

It took him a moment to answer, his blue eye shutting as he admitted the issue he’d been struggling with since he and Ada gained beds to sleep on.

‘Ada wants to have sex.’

He heard a stuttered laugh from Negan before the man burst into full-on laughter, wiping tears from his eyes.

‘Hey, quit it!’

‘You’re in a pissy mood cause your girlfriend wants to have sex? You’ve been offered pussy and you’re complaining?’ Negan looked like he was going to laugh again before Carl huffed, turning away from him, and standing up to climb down from the lookout.

‘Forget it, bastard.’

Carl heard him sigh and then he was being followed down the ladder as he stalked away from it.

‘Quit being pissed at me, you little shit-’

~

‘I don’t want to have sex with her!’ Negan was surprised when Carl finally turned around and snapped at him, cheeks flushed with anger.

The man stopped, letting him breathe before he managed to get out what he meant. The teen looked uncomfortable, like it was the worst thing in the world to admit what he just had. He tilted his head at him, reaching a hand out to the kid.

‘Okay, truce, and then we’ll talk like adults. Right?’

Carl hesitated, taking a step back from him with his knife pointed at the man, but he stopped after a moment, nodding.

‘Fine.’

Negan let out a little sigh of relief when Carl handed over his dagger, tucking it into his belt and putting a hand on the kid’s shoulder, leading him back into the compound. The others in the community stared at them, eyes wide and concerned all at the same time as they watched the two walk inside.

‘Get back to work, everyone.’ Negan hummed as they headed upstairs to his bedroom, locking his door once they were there and forcing Carl onto the couch to talk.

‘Speak, no mumbling. What the fuck is your problem today?’ He questioned, settling Lucille against the wall before sitting on the coffee table in front of Carl.

The teen avoided his eyes, arms crossed and eyebrow scrunched.

‘Speak, you little shit.’

‘It’s not funny, Negan.’

‘I didn’t say it was. Carl, just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help if I can.’ Negan insisted, eyeing him worriedly.

He was worried now, because the kid looked genuinely upset, and he didn’t know how to fix that. There was silence for a moment before he spoke up.

‘I’ve never actually had sex.’ It was an angry mutter, but Negan wasn’t sure if Carl was pissed at himself or him for asking.

He did his best not to laugh at what he said, he really did, but the smallest snigger left his lips. Carl looked enraged when he heard him.

‘Forget it. You’re a dick, Negan, I don’t know why I even- fuck off!’ He huffed out, lying down on the couch and turning away from him so he was facing the cushions.

Negan sighed, rubbing a hand over his face as his laughter died off. He wanted to be a good mentor for the kid, to take over for his dad now that he’d killed him, so it was his job to have the sex talk now. Great.

‘You’re a teenager in the middle of an apocalypse, I wouldn’t expect you to have had a lot of sex.’

When Carl didn’t respond, Negan sat forward a bit and nudged his arm gently to get his attention. He was merely elbowed away. That irritated him, leading him closer to snapping at the teen again, but he didn’t want to do that.

Negan took a breath.

‘Listen, kid. It’s not hard to have sex, I do it all the time! You shouldn’t be embarrassed.’

‘I’m not embarrassed!’

‘Then what are you worried about?!’ Negan snapped back, both of them settling into another argument at this point.

‘I’m worried because Ada is beautiful, and kind, and I don’t think I’m attracted to her that way!’ Carl yelled back, chest heaving as he sat up and turned to face him dead on.

Negan stopped in his tracks at that, reeling back his angry voice and furrowing his eyebrows. He hadn’t expected that from the kid, but he supposed it made sense that he was at a stage of discovery, or maybe he was just finally taking time to figure himself out when there was no imminent danger to his life.

‘Okay…’

‘Fuck off.’

‘Kid, try opening up a little. I’m not your enemy anymore.’ Negan insisted, beginning to lose patience with all the swearing he was getting from the kid.

Carl glared at him, fire burning in his one eye, but something had softened since the last time they’d talked alone, and finally, Negan got an answer.

‘I think I might be gay.’

‘Why?’

‘Because the idea of having sex with a girl makes me feel sick.’ He admitted bluntly and Negan nodded, leaning his elbows on his knees and flicking Carl’s forehead.

‘Okay.’

‘Okay?’ The kid’s head tilted, and Negan managed the barest of smiles, nodding.

‘It’s okay that you’re gay. I’m sure your friends will be fine with it too if that’s what’s worrying you.’ He replied, nudging his shoulder to get him to soften up further.

Carl glanced up at him, his glare gone now.

‘What about Ada?’

Negan shrugged, leaning back, and clapping his hands together once.

‘Well, if she’s your friend and she cares about you, I’m sure she won’t be too hurt. Can’t help biology, kiddo.’

Carl’s eyebrows furrowed again, and he nodded, leaning back against the couch. He was quiet for a moment before speaking.

‘Can I stay with you for dinner? I’d rather talk to them after I’ve eaten.’

Negan nodded with another shrug, picking up Lucille and standing.

‘Let’s go for a walk. Killing shit will help you calm down.’

Carl eyed him strangely, but nodded, getting up and following Negan outside. Negan couldn’t help but feel rather proud that Carl had come out to him, and now he was agreeing to kill things. He was becoming more like Negan every day, and he loved it.


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, new chapter!
> 
> As always, if you enjoy, please leave some kudos and comment.
> 
> Daniel's sign language/notepad writing will be in italics so you know when he's signing ^^
> 
> Enjoy! xx

Carl walked into his shared bedroom covered in walker blood and guts, smelling like death itself. He had spent half an hour with Negan, smashing in skulls.

It was messy, unsanitary, but he enjoyed it. Negan had leaned against a tree and watched as Carl used Lucille to rip into dead flesh, glad he was able to help the kid relax after the stress of coming out to him.

He was grateful for that. His mind still drifted to the death of his dad and sister, reminding him that Negan wasn’t a good guy, though the more he was nice to him, the less he thought about that. Slowly but surely, Negan was becoming someone he felt like he could trust, even if it had only been a week since he’d taken in Carl and his friends. It was enough – Negan had done nothing to hurt any of them since they arrived.

The teen had a renewed hope in the psycho’s ability to care, or he was just turning into a psycho himself.

He had felt such glee and peace while smashing in walkers’ heads, the sound of bones cracking sending shivers up his spine until he was bringing Lucille down on the dead, again and again, hands gripping the bat with white knuckles.

He didn’t understand why he loved it so much.

He noticed Daniel lying down on the bed, the teen frowning at him when he came in and signing to him. Carl had picked up the language pretty quickly, but Dan still had a notepad beside the bed that he wrote in once he'd signed his first sentence.

‘ _Carl? Dude, what happened to you? Are you okay?_ ’

Carl tilted his head a little and nodded with a slight smile, stepping into the room fully and approaching his bed.

‘Hey, Dan.’

‘ _Carl, you’re tracking blood into the room! Tell me what happened!_ ’ The note on the pad was in capital letters.

Carl stopped when he reached the bed, looking down at his boots and seeing the blood covering them.

‘Negan…’

‘ _Did Negan hurt you? Carl?_ ’ Sign language again.

Carl shook his head slower, wiping his hand across his cheek and looking at it when it came back covered in blood. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why wasn’t this affecting him?

He looked up at Daniel, taking a moment to focus on him through the haze of adrenaline he was swimming in. He’d been thinking about it the whole time he hit into the walkers, how to tell Daniel, how to tell Ada, how to break up with Ada in the kindest way possible. He didn’t want to hurt her, and he really had liked her at the start, but now his life was in a safe place, he’d had time to think about it all. He’d had time to come into himself and realise the truth, so he told Daniel that.

‘I think I’m gay, Dan.’

He saw his friend’s eyebrows furrow, confusion on his features while Carl stared back, somewhere between dead and numb. He didn’t know what else to say, unsure of Daniel’s reaction never mind what he could possibly do other than admit his sexuality.

It took Dan a moment, but he nodded, getting Carl’s towel from the hook on the wall.

‘ _You need a shower, buddy._ ’ He signed to the teen who stood still for a moment before nodding, a grin spreading on his face.

He didn’t know why he was so happy, or maybe he wasn’t. Maybe it was relief.

Carl followed his friend to the showers and obediently washed away the blood, letting out a little cry of frustration when he realised his hair would be damp for the rest of the day.

‘ _Feel better?_ ’

He looked over at Daniel who was holding out the towel with a smile, managing a smile back.

‘Yeah. Still have to talk to Ada though.’ Carl sighed, drying off and pulling fresh clothes on, slipping into his sneakers since the boots were still covered in blood.

‘ _She’ll understand. You weren’t a thing for that long, Carl, it isn’t a huge deal._ ’ Daniel signed, shrugging.

Carl shrugged too, following him back to the room and climbing up to his bunk. Daniel perched on the ladder, looking up at him.

‘ _What did Negan say?_ ’

‘That it’s not a big deal and I shouldn’t worry about it.’

‘ _He’s right._ ’

‘Who’s right?’

Carl’s eyes widened as he heard Ada’s voice, looking up from Daniel to see Ada standing by the door. Both him and Daniel stared at her before the young girl got weirded out by it.

‘Quit staring and tell me what you’re gossiping about.’ She told them sternly and perched on her own bed while the boys glanced at each other, Daniel nodding to Carl to encourage him to tell her.

Carl hesitated when Ada looked at him, brown eyes wide with concern. They were different from Negan’s, darker like chocolate. Negan’s were more like a whiskey… wait, no, why did he know that?

‘Carl?’

The panic flared in Carl’s chest when Ada said his name again, his earlier worries about her not being okay with their break-up coming up and making a lump in his throat, thick and hard with the danger and upset he felt.

He took a deep breath, tried to stop it, but his hand was shaking on his knee, vibrating with the sheer anxiety filling his mind.

‘Carl?’

Fuck, why was he so worried? What was this? Why was he only getting like this now? He was living in an apocalypse, for fuck's sake, shouldn’t he be anxious already? Shouldn’t he have had a panic attack on his knees in front of Negan when he was swinging Lucille around?

He didn’t even notice Ada taking his walkie talkie. Daniel’s hand was squeezing his, he knew that much, the other boy having climbed up the ladder to sit on his bed with him. He squeezed back, viciously tight, trying to control his breathing without much luck.

‘Carl?’

Carl couldn’t process the voice in his ears, too stressed to focus on anyone or anything, listening blindly to the voices around him.

~

Negan had dropped everything when Ada’s voice came over the walkie, even Lucille falling to his feet as he ran to the underground rooms, narrowly avoiding the people he passed. Everyone moved out of his way as he came barging through, looking afraid of the angry look on their leader’s face.

Negan wasn’t angry, he was worried. Hearing that Carl was having a panic attack made concern blossom in his chest as soon as it left Ada’s lips, the idea of the teen having a panic attack without him there doing weird things to his heart.

He ran until he reached the bedroom Carl shared with Ada and Daniel, barging in without regard for whoever was inside. He saw Daniel on the bed beside Carl, the kid’s face bright red as he descended further into his attack. It made Negan’s heart break.

‘He’s having a panic attack-’

‘Yeah, no shit!’ He snapped angrily at Ada, not sure why he was so pissed at her for something that wasn’t her fault.

The girl looked shocked, her eyes wide.

‘Don’t yell at me, it isn’t my fault!’

That angered Negan more than it should, his pride hurt by the fact that she’d yelled back. He couldn’t help slapping her, the worry for Carl overloading his mind.

‘Don’t talk back, bitch, this is my house and the only reason you’re here is that Carl wants you here! Get the fuck out!’ He roared, baring his teeth in a snarl at her until Ada stormed out.

He turned to Daniel with the same snarl once she was gone, glaring at him until the boy rolled his eyes, following Ada out of the room.

Carl was still shaking, hyperventilating and curled in on himself. He wasn’t crying, which was good, but it didn’t give Negan much comfort.

He approached the bunk bed as silently as he could, kicking off his boots so he could climb up and sit beside the teen. Negan didn’t know why Carl’s state of mental wellbeing was causing him so much pain, putting it down to paternal instincts now that he was in charge of him.

He sat down on the bunk bed awkwardly, far too tall to fit on the bed with Carl at the same time. Slowly, he put his hands in Carl’s, letting him squeeze tight for some grounding while he controlled his breathing.

‘You’re okay, buddy. Deep breaths.’ Negan reassured, keeping his tone low to try and soothe him.

The grip on his hands tightened until Carl’s breathing evened out and the red strain in his face dissipated. Negan went to speak but Carl beat him to it.

‘I miss my dad…’ It was choked out, like the kid was trying to keep himself from crying.

Well didn’t that just crack Negan’s heart wide open.

He watched, wary of making him more upset considering he had been the one to kill his dad, and just waited for the teen to speak again.

Carl didn’t, and suddenly Negan had an armful of teenager, the kid burying his face into his shoulder and crying. Negan froze, shocked that he would seek comfort in someone like him, but he eventually curled his arms around him.

‘It’s okay, kiddo. Let it all out, you’ve barely had time to grieve.’ He sighed, running his hand over the teen’s damp hair as the shoulder of his shirt was soaked in tears.

They sat like that for a long time, Negan comforting Carl with soft words and slow rubs of his back. The older man found himself losing a fight with his mind, distracted by the fresh scent of Carl’s hair and skin. The closer he held him, the less he could help inhaling the teen’s scent.

He began to realise that maybe his feelings for his enemy’s son weren’t entirely paternal, and that fact filled him with dread as he continued to stroke through Carl’s hair, shushing his cries.


	9. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, here's another chapter ^^
> 
> I sincerely hope you enjoy! xx

‘Are you okay?’

That was the first thing Carl heard out of Negan’s mouth when he came down from his panic attack and the crying. He still had his face pressed into the man’s shirt, the smell of cinnamon and the metallic scent of blood flooding his senses. He gripped his shirt in two fists, not wanting to let go of the stability Negan’s body was gifting him.

‘I’m fine, asshole.’

Well. He couldn’t be totally vulnerable, especially in the man’s arms when he could easily squeeze the life from him.

A low rumble vibrated through his body as Negan laughed at his response, his gloved hand resting on the back of Carl’s head and petting through his hair slowly.

‘I’ll take that as a yes.’

Carl huffed but didn’t move from his position, finding solace in Negan’s arms. He was comfortable, the man’s scent washing over him and filling his lungs and making his heart slow to a steady beat. He didn’t want to move.

‘Comfortable?’

Fuck, he forgot Negan even existed for a moment there. Huffing again, he added an insult to his cuddling attitude.

‘You smell like shit.’

‘So did you before you showered.’

‘Bastard.’

Negan chuckled and Carl couldn’t help shivering at the sound, taking a shaky breath before shrugging the man’s arms off of him and pulling away from the hug.

He looked up at him, blinking away the remaining tears in his eye.

‘You got here fast.’

‘I was worried. Have you ever had a panic attack before?’

Carl let out a little grumble and shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest and turning away somewhat. He was embarrassed that he’d been so weak in front of Negan, feeling every bit like the little boy who got dragged from normality into a world of the walking dead. He’d been so scared back then, so weak, so vulnerable.

He hated that he’d ever been that person, and now he’d let Negan see him like a scared 13-year-old kid. He hated that too.

‘How do you feel about it?’

‘Pathetic.’

‘You shouldn’t feel pathetic, Carl-’

‘Well, I fucking do!’ Carl snapped at him, turning to face Negan whose eyes were still so dark and steady.

‘Okay, we’ll do pathetic little Carl then. Does the pathetic little boy want dinner?’

Carl glared at him, pissed off that the man could be so calm and unaffected by his swearing and insults. It didn’t even seem to rattle him. He hated that, he hated everything about the man’s calm exterior, but his stomach betrayed his hatred, grumbling loud and angry at the lack of food.

Negan had a stupid grin on his face, wide and arrogant, so proud of himself for making a joke out of Carl’s pain. He wanted to slap him for it, but instead, he shoved his arm to get him to move.

‘Of course, I want dinner, asshole. Move.’ He grumbled, following Negan down the ladder.

‘I may have yelled at your friends.’

‘Deal with that later, I’m hungry.’ Carl argued, walking a little bit ahead of him and neglecting to smile at his friends when he passed by them.

~

Negan watched as Carl stalked past his two friends, no interest in them whatsoever, and smirked a little. He was becoming more like him every day.

He caught up behind him quickly, tugging at the back of his shirt to slow him down and putting an arm around his shoulders.

‘Feeling alright, kiddo?’

‘Stop asking me that.’

Negan bit his lip to silence the further concerned thoughts that he wanted to express, nodding to Carl’s words, and followed him to the main hall so they could collect dinner.

Once they had trays of food in their possession, Negan put his hand on Carl’s lower back and led him upstairs, putting all his focus into not pulling the kid closer and smothering him. The discovery of his feelings for the kid was coming fast and hard, every inch of him wanting to touch his hand to his cheek, see him blush, make him happy.

He kept a cheeky grin on his face though, hid it away in his mind. Carl was a kid, no matter the state the world was in, and he didn’t want to take advantage like that.

‘Where is your mind, asshole? You have to unlock the door!’ The teen’s voice cut through his thoughts and Negan shook his head, getting his key from around his neck and opening the door for the kid who wandered in, perching on the couch.

‘You have some mouth on you. Your dad teach you that language?’

Carl shrugged and Negan sat on the couch across from him, breaking into the fresh pepper slices on his tray.

‘Picked it up from people, not just my dad.’

Negan watched him with dark eyes, eating some more before clapping his hands together, remembering what he had taken from one of his wives earlier in the day. He stood up, going to his dresser, and finding the hair-tie he’d stolen.

Carl looked at him strangely, head tilted a bit.

‘What? You never tied your hair back before?’

The teen shrugged, tucking his hair behind his ear as Negan noticed a red haze build on his cheeks.

‘Thought it might look too feminine.’

‘Bullshit. I’m tying it up for you.’ The man argued, approaching with the hair-tie, and relishing in the way the red in Carl’s cheeks got darker.

Negan did his best not to fall into a trance as he took off his leather glove and stroked his fingers through the teen’s hair strands to bring them together into a ponytail, fingertips brushing against his neck briefly.

A shiver seemed to run through Carl’s torso at the touch, but he ignored it, focusing on the task at hand. It was nothing, he didn’t feel shit for the kid, it was all paternal-

He ranted to himself internally, struggling with his own feelings as he tied Carl’s hair back and tucked his fringe behind his ear.

‘I think that looks much better, kiddo. Shows off your radass, badass eye.’ He smirked down at the teen who tipped his head back to look up at him, blue eye shining under the light from the window.

Negan gulped, trying to ignore the tight feeling in his chest and sitting down on the other couch again, eating into his dinner tray. He could feel the kid’s eye on him, a little huff escaping the teen when Negan didn’t pay attention to him.

They fell into silence as they ate together, and Negan noticed how Carl’s fingers tapped against his thigh like he wanted to say something but couldn’t get it out.

‘How’s gate guard duty treating you?’

‘Arat told me she’s going to kill me.’

Negan nodded casually but made a mental note to kill her before she could.

‘Sounds like her.’

Another small grumble met Negan’s reply and he smirked, taking a gulp of his water, and leaning his back against the couch, watching Carl eat.

‘Do you hate me?’ His voice was almost weak when he asked the question, his feelings that he was trying so hard to kill taking control of his body.

The room was quiet for a moment before Carl nodded, almost imperceptible.

‘Yes, but not as much as I did. You’re wearing me down.’ There was a hint of a smile on the teen’s face, making the scarred skin of his injury bunch up and create a dimple to match the one on the other side.

Negan thought it might be the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen, the way the smile was so gentle but dangerous at the same time. He could see the danger in Carl’s remaining eye, the blue fire that threatened to kill him if he got too close.

He couldn’t help but fall harder for him every time they locked eyes. This kid was so dangerous. He loved it.


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo peeps, the chapter is early today ;)
> 
> Enjoy, comment, kudos ^^ 
> 
> I love you all, sincerely xx

‘I’m gay.’

Carl said it blankly as he lay back on his bed, feeling both Ada and Daniel’s eyes on him as he stretched out, fingers touching the back of his neck where Negan’s hand had been earlier in the night.

The shiver it had sent through him was so vivid in his mind, the feeling of his rough fingertips on his smooth skin making his head scramble. He didn’t understand the feeling. Surely it was wrong to react like that to a man older than his father had been, Negan had grey in his beard for fuck’s sake, it was wrong.

He was far too old…

‘Carl!’

‘Fuck, sorry, what did you say?’ He groaned when he heard Ada yell, turning on his side to see his friends staring with disbelief at him.

Daniel’s notepad was in his hands.

‘You were practically having a wet dream in front of us- I was not!’ Carl argued, sitting up and re-tying his hair so it was neater.

Daniel rolled his eyes and sat on Ada’s bed again, writing something else down while she spoke instead.

‘We were only a couple for a week, Carl, I really don’t care if you’re gay. We want to know who you’re thinking about though, who brought on the epiphany?’ Ada laughed and Carl managed a small smile, leaning his forearms on the bed railing.

He thought about her question, wondering what did spark his realisation. He really did think it was not being attracted to the idea of sex with Ada… but Negan’s touch…

Carl groaned, hiding his face in his hands as it went red with embarrassment.

‘I think it was Negan.’ He muttered, waiting for the laughs.

Instead, he got yells.

‘He’s fifty years old! He’s got grey hair! Jesus, Carl, the man killed your entire family-’

‘Well, maybe they deserved it!’ Carl was surprised when that sentence came out of his mouth, but he didn’t retract it, letting it sink into Ada and Daniel’s minds who both stared at him with wide eyes.

‘What the fuck is wrong with you? Is this Negan talking? Has he gotten inside your head that much?’ Ada asked in disbelief, her eyes widened somewhat.

Carl huffed to himself, rubbing his eye and touching his neck where Negan’s fingers had been again. It made him shiver, remembering the scent of cinnamon and ginger and death that he smelled on his skin. He wanted more of it, but he didn’t know why.

‘Carl, seriously, you’ve gone quiet twice now.’

‘Sorry, I’m just…’

‘Thinking about him.’

Carl rolled his eyes, ignoring her in favour of lying back on the bed, stretching out his limbs with a little groan.

‘I’m going to sleep, leave me alone.’ He insisted, snuggling into the mattress, and pressing his nose into the shirt he’d been wearing when Negan hugged him, drowning in the scent of the man despite his apprehension about being attracted to him.

Slowly, he fell asleep, falling into a dream about blood and ginger and cinnamon.

~

Carl woke up the morning after lying on his front, his hair-tie lying forgotten on the mattress beside his head. His hair was fanned out on the pillow, haloing his scarred face to make him look like an angel as he slept.

Stretching out on the bed, he groaned, then his eyes opened wide and shocked.

‘Can you ask your sugar daddy for some earplugs that we can use? I don’t want to hear that shit ever again.’ Ada complained from across the room, buttoning her shirt and weaving her hair into a halo braid.

Carl glanced down at his boxers and his face burned, seeing the wet patch on the front of them.

‘Shit.’ He groaned, throwing his head back on the pillow.

‘Exactly. Go and make noise with Negan rather than yourself.’ Ada criticised but Carl looked over to see a slight smile on her face.

‘You’re happy?’

‘I’m happy for you, or I will be if Negan likes you back.’ She replied before waving and leaving for work.

Carl crawled out of bed to discover Daniel already gone, assuming he was on breakfast duty, so busied himself with getting ready, pulling on a fresh shirt from the selection of fifteen that Negan had offered him when he first started staying at the Sanctuary.

He was grateful for the variety, a change from the few shirts and the one pair of jeans he’d had at Alexandria. It didn’t hurt him as much to think of Alexandria now, his mind numbed by his new friendship with Negan.

Everyone in the Sanctuary that he had spoken to believed Negan was a true Saviour, and they all hated his father. He’d learned about deaths of children and loved ones, so many fathers killed at the hand of his own and by the proxy of the rest of his old group. It had been so easy to blame Negan and his men for everything back then, but now it felt more like unnecessary murder on his dad’s part.

He hated the idea of dad being a killer, but he started the war. It was all his fault.

Lacing up his sneakers, Carl headed out and up into the community hub, nodding to the people he passed who waved at him.

‘Morning, sunshine.’

‘Hey, Denise.’

Denise was the old lady in charge of the kitchens, Daniel’s new boss. A kind woman with grey hair tied into a bun every time he saw her, bright blue eyes full of wisdom looking at him kindly, she had become one of his favourite Saviours. She was nice to him every day, snuck him some extra rice when she thought he looked too skinny, gave him a cookie if he helped her take food to his guard colleagues. Denise was his mother in the Sanctuary.

‘You look like you slept well. Get lost in a good dream?’

Carl froze, looking up from the apple he was taking to see Denise smirking. His face burned red.

‘Daniel told you about that, huh?’

‘He was tired, so I asked him why and he told me the truth. Negan said to give this to you by the way. Says he got it made special when you moved in.’ The smirk was still there as she produced a box from under her workstation, simple brown cardboard with a black ribbon tied around the lid to keep it shut.

Carl turned it over in his hands, nodding to himself and then smiling at Denise, tucking the box under his arm.

‘Thanks, D. See you at lunch.’ He smiled a little and then wandered off with his apple and water to get to work.

‘Thank fuck.’ Carl muttered to himself when he walked out of the Sanctuary to discover the sun shining down on the gate.

A low wind was swaying the trees under a blue sky full of white clouds as he sauntered over to his guard post with the speed of one who didn’t have a care in the world.

He wasn’t afraid for his life here. There was no fear grating on his nerves that someone would break into his home and shoot him in his sleep. He felt safe for once in his life, even as he walked on open ground to his position.

Carl was the only one with the key to his particular weapon, given to him by Arat when he started the job. There was a machine gun at every post, ready to wipe out any of the dead that got too close and threaten anyone with a working brain stem who decided to force their way through the gates. A much better security system if you asked him.

Settling into the same position he took up every day, Carl swung his legs back and forth under the grate. He untied the bow of Negan’s gift slowly, still wary of the fact that it could be something dangerous, and lifted the lid.

Inside, placed in amongst some scrunched-up tissue paper, was a black leather eyepatch. Carl lifted it out with care, a smile lighting up his face as he traced the blood-red stitching and thick head strap.

‘You like it then?’

Carl nearly fell forward off the grate when he heard Negan’s voice, saved only by the gloved hand grabbing his shirt.

‘I almost died, shitface! What the fuck?’ He growled immediately when he was safe again, punching Negan’s arm and glaring when he just laughed.

‘I’ll take this.’ The man plucked the eyepatch from Carl’s hands, making a blush rise on his face when their hands brushed briefly.

Negan didn’t seem affected by it, however, as he unbuckled the clasp and positioned the patch over his socket, securing it on his head with the strap. Carl looked up at him once it was on properly, blue eye narrowed.

‘Why’d you make me this?’

A deep chuckle escaped the man as he sat down beside the teen, resting his right arm on his shoulder.

‘A thank you would be appreciated, but I know those words probably aren’t in your vocabulary.’ He grinned and Carl huffed, turning away, and biting into his apple.

‘Whatever.’

‘Just for days when you’re feeling ugly, though you shouldn’t. I know your eye bothers you, kid, you just don’t say it.’ Negan smiled at him and Carl’s face turned a darker shade of red.

He touched his fingers to the patch, letting a small smile spread on his face, then he felt Negan move his arm to lean on the grate between them. Curious about his feelings, Carl moved his hand silently, putting it over Negan’s.

His heart leapt when the man didn’t immediately move away, and he tucked his hand into Negan’s, linking their fingers together. It lasted a few seconds, quiet air surrounding them. Carl looked up into Negan’s eyes to find the man looking back and held his breath, not sure what to say or do.

He couldn’t help but lean in closer, his lips centimetres from the older man’s.

‘Kid-’

‘I’m not a kid.’

‘Carl.’ Negan insisted, using his name but Carl just stared back at him, too much pent up teenage arousal in him to back down.

‘Negan.’ He replied in the same tone, leaning in again and catching the man’s lips.

He kissed him slowly, hesitant still that Negan would slap him, before he felt him start to kiss back, a gloved hand slipping to the back of his neck to keep him in place.

Carl drowned in the scent of the man, cinnamon and ginger stronger after just being applied. The hand on his nape kept a tight grip, rough lips moving on his in a kiss full of desperate emotion. Carl let himself fall into the feeling.

Then a gunshot fired.


	11. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, y'all!
> 
> The chapter is even earlier today cause I have a sick bug and can't get out of bed without feeling faint, so I had time on my hands.
> 
> Please enjoy, comment, kudos ^^
> 
> I'm gonna start Chapter 12 right now so it might be done today too!
> 
> Love ya xx

Negan got so lost in the kiss. His heart pounded, the soft skin of Carl’s lips making him fall harder for the teen. It wasn’t sexual, no, he wanted to protect him. He wanted to give him anything and everything that he desired. He wanted Carl, full stop.

The distraction of the kiss meant he barely heard the gunshot, only realising that it had been fired when Carl’s teeth clenched down on his bottom lip, drawing blood. A pained groan escaped him as the kid’s teeth ripped into his flesh, but the destination of the gunshot worried him far more.

‘Negan?’ The sweet, soft voice reached his ears when he pulled away from the painful kiss and he forgot all about his own injury, pulling away to see blood seeping through Carl’s jeans at his shin.

Already Carl looked like he was about to pass out from the pain of the injury, making Negan panic.

‘Hey, you’re okay, I’ve got you- what fucking shit-stain fired their gun?!’ He yelled, looking down at the courtyard to see Arat holding a gun.

Her eyes were wide too, like she had expected something else to happen, but the gun in her hand was all the evidence Negan needed.

‘Put her in a fucking cell!’ He yelled at the other guards surrounding the area, watching them grab her and drag her away while she resisted them.

‘Negan, fuck…’

Right, Carl, damn it. As quick as he could move, Negan lifted the teen into his arms, descending the ladder with him wrapped around his chest. He didn’t notice the blood dripping from Carl’s wound onto his jeans, too focused on getting Carl to the doctor.

He was scared, scared that Carl could lose too much blood and become too weak to move ever again. They didn’t have blood supplies here, but if he had to, he’d kill everyone with the same blood type to help the teen. They had testing equipment; it would work.

‘Doc! Doc, where the fuck are you?!’ He yelled up the hallway as he approached the doctor’s office, sighing with relief when he walked out, Ada close behind.

Her eyes widened at the sight of Carl on Negan like a koala, passed out and still bleeding.

‘What the fuck happened to him?!’

‘He got shot, bitch, what does it look like?!’ Negan snapped back as he ran into the office, laying Carl down on the bed.

Ada and Doc were by the bed immediately, gauze and bandages at the ready and tweezers just in case the bullet was still in Carl’s leg. Doc examined the wound, frowning out of concern, while Negan stroked back Carl’s hair, gripping his hand tightly.

‘The bullet went straight through and didn’t hit bone, that’s good. We need to control the bleeding. Test his blood so that we can get a donor in here if we need them.’ Doc told Ada who got to work.

Negan sat at Carl’s side the entire time he was in surgery, squeezing his hand and praying to every fucking god he knew of that he would be okay. When his leg was stitched up with a bandage tightly wrapped around the length of his shin, Negan carried him to his own bedroom, not wanting the kid to hurt himself getting down from a top bunk.

His comfort was also a concern, but he didn’t want to think about that too much. His love for the teen was something he was still trying to let go, for the kid’s sake.

He perched on one of his couches with a book while Carl slept on his bed, glancing up at his sleeping form once in a while to make sure he was okay and still breathing. He hadn’t lost a lot of blood, thankfully, but Negan still worried he’d lost too much.

The man was sipping water when he heard the soft groan from the bed, indicating that Carl had woken up from his injury-induced coma. After two days of nothing, total silence other than his people coming to give him updates and food, it made Negan almost fall over as he got up and approached the bed.

Carl looked up at him, hair untied and eyepatch off to make him more comfortable, his blue eye hazy from confusion.

‘What happened?’

‘You got shot, you little fucker. You’ve been asleep for two days.’

A frown settled on the teen’s face and then he was reaching for Negan’s face, breathing heavy as they got closer. Negan gulped, his nose brushing his now, but he shook his head, pulling back a little and moving Carl’s hand back down to his side.

The kid looked so heartbroken at the rejection, so utterly wrecked that Negan wanted to give in and smother him with affection until he was smiling again, but then Carl was trying to sit up.

‘Can you help me sit up properly? My neck hurts from lying down for so long.’ He told him, to which Negan nodded without hesitation, curling his arm under the boy’s shoulders, and pulling him into an upright position, making sure his leg was okay on the pillow under it.

He perched on the edge of the bed, putting his hand on Carl’s thigh hesitantly and hearing his breath hitch.

‘Who shot me?’

‘Arat. I’ll take care of her.’

‘Can I watch?’

God, he used such a sweet, gentle tone for a question so fucking morbid and dangerous. It made Negan laugh and he nodded, wanting to cheer the teen up from his rejection somehow.

‘We’ll make sure you can walk before we punish her.’

‘You should let her live a normal life until then. Give her false hope. She deserves it.’

Negan raised an eyebrow at Carl’s words, a smirk spreading on his face as he locked eyes with the teen. He was steady, awake, no sign of delirium. He really had changed, or maybe he had always been like this. Negan wasn’t sure.

‘You’re a morbid little bastard, aren’t you? It’s a good idea, I’ll get the guards to let her out then.’

Carl gave a little nod, then he went back to avoiding Negan’s eyes. He sighed, standing up and bending down just briefly to press a kiss to the teen’s  
forehead.

‘I’ll get you some water, kiddo, stay here- well, I suppose you can’t leave anyway. Your dangerous ass is disabled for now.’ He laughed, which made Carl’s eye narrow at him.

The teen punched a weak fist into Negan’s stomach and the man let out a fake groan to tease him.

‘Ouch, you’re so strong.’

‘Asshole.’

Negan just grinned at him, ruffling his hair before going to the door and swinging it open.

‘See you in a minute, fuckface.’

~

Carl watched Negan leave with sad eyes, the hurt of rejection still weighing heavy on his heart despite the playful insults they passed between them. He could understand why the man wouldn’t want to start something with him, thirty-four years of an age gap was enough to make anybody apprehensive. He just hated the pain that the rejection came with.

Looking out of the window across the room, he watched the sun beat down and cast rays of light onto the carpet. He liked that Negan had carpet. It made his bedroom more comfortable and Carl felt safer in the presence of a man who would have carpet in his room. The horny teenage boy part of his mind drifted to the thought of friction on his knees when he serviced the man, but he tried to push that thought away.

Negan had made it clear nothing like that would be happening. He had to learn to accept that, even if he didn’t want to.

He sighed, leaning his head back against the headboard. The whole room smelled like Negan, cinnamon, ginger, and blood filling his senses and putting him at ease. It was hard to forget the kiss when everything in the room was so entirely Negan. He hated that.

Carl shut his eye, blocking out the light so it was just a dull yellow haze behind his eyelids. He breathed out into absolute silence before the door opened again and Negan was sauntering in with a glass of water in his hand. He smiled when he looked at Carl, looking happy. It made Carl smile too, if only it meant more to Negan.

‘Water, your highness.’

Carl snorted at the newest nickname.

‘You are so not funny, asshole.’

Negan shrugged, sitting on the bed beside him and helping him drink the water.

‘I can use my arms, you know.’

‘You lost blood and your body is weak. I don’t want water spilt on my bed cause you wanted to be a tough guy so suck it up.’ The older man grinned at him, poking his nose, and then putting his hand in the teen’s hair, tilting his head back a bit so he could drink.

‘I hate you.’

‘I hate you too, kiddo.’ Negan smirked but Carl just huffed, drinking the water offered to him.


	12. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey gang!
> 
> Super early chapter today, finished writing it before lunch so might get a second one written today.
> 
> Enjoy, kudos, comment, all that lovely stuff. 
> 
> Have a good day, all xx

For two days, Carl lay comfortably on Negan’s bed. Leg elevated, hair let down, eyepatch off, all discomfort was erased as Negan brought him food and let him read his books. He even helped him to the bathroom, coming to his aid anytime he used the walkie to ask for anything.

He loved it all, apart from when Negan moved away from his touches and slept on the couch, all to avoid getting to close to Carl. He didn’t like that at all.  
Denise had come up once, providing hot soup for him and some hot chocolate which he drank gratefully. He could feel Negan’s eyes on him as he spoke to her, his gaze making him flustered and putting him on edge all at once.

He tried to forget about the kiss at the security post, he really did, but every time Negan looked at him, the memory was vivid in his mind again. The feeling of Negan’s scruff scratching his cheeks and rough lips moving on his. Fuck, how did he fall so hard for the man in so little time, it wasn’t fair. Now he’d been left in the dust because he was a kid.

He tried not to let it frustrate him, but it did. So much so that he found himself snapping at Negan a few times when he asked reasonable questions. The man didn’t react much, didn’t slap him like Carl expected. At least that would be some sort of touch to acknowledge his hurt feelings.

He fucking hated being so weak that he couldn’t go to the bathroom on his own, and he was extremely grateful that he hadn’t been forced to bathe yet. The sheer embarrassment of Negan undressing him would be too much.

It was lunchtime when Negan wandered into the room with a glass of water and a sandwich for him, a frown set on his face.

‘What’s wrong?’ Carl asked, curious as he took the offered food and drink before looking up at him.

‘I’m going on a supply run to one of our provider towns today.’

‘So?’

‘I have to leave you here with Denise to look after you.’

Carl smiled just a little at the worry in his voice, and with excitement that he would get to learn Italian with Denise again. He sipped the water before speaking again.

‘That’s okay, I like Denise. How long will you be gone?’

‘Just a few hours, I’ll be back before dinner.’ Negan smiled and Carl blushed at the kind expression, quickly biting into his sandwich so that the man didn’t see his red cheeks.

He avoided his eyes while he ate, trying not to react when Negan pulled off his shirt to change into a white one. He’d learned that he liked to wear white shirts to show the bloodstains of victims, which shouldn’t have made Carl so hot under the collar but damn it, it did. He felt ashamed of his hormones having so much control of his body like this.

‘Expecting trouble?’

‘I’m always prepared, kiddo. Why do you think I haven’t taken you on a supply run yet? I’m making sure you don’t get hurt.’

Carl rolled his eyes at that, taking another bite of his sandwich and talking through his mouthful.

‘You haven’t taken me because I can’t walk, asshole.’

Negan smiled when he said that, and Carl did his best to suppress the shiver it sent through his body.

‘Well, it’s also to protect you. I killed your dad so you’re my charge now.’

The teen winced at that.

‘You could stop reminding me of that.’

‘Sorry, kid. See you at dinner, try not to hurt yourself before I come home.’ Negan stroked his gloved hand over Carl’s hair before leaving, Denise coming in from behind the door and locking it up.

Carl frowned, looking at her strangely. She smiled.

‘To avoid disturbances to our Italian lessons. Some of Negan’s security team are truly rude figli di puttana!’ Denise swore and Carl laughed easily, loving the old woman’s attitude.

It distracted him enough from the real reason Denise had locked the door, and they settled into their lesson.

~

It was five minutes until the usual dinner time when Carl began to get worried. He hadn’t heard trucks outside since lunch and no alert whistles had gone off to signal Negan’s return. Denise had gone down to the kitchens to start dinner preparations half an hour earlier, leaving Carl with the walkie and promising him she would come running if he needed help.

Now there was no sign of Negan, and he was worried. Really worried. Picking up the walkie, he tuned it into the security team’s radio frequency, listening for any news.

_‘The place is fucking burning.’_

_‘He’s probably already dead.’_

_‘Lookout a mile from Riverton says he’s seen nothing come out of the flames.’_

Carl’s eyes widened as he listened and then the other guy on the radio laughed.

_‘Good riddance, man, I never liked him.’_

Carl’s heart was beating so hard that he thought it might break through his ribcage. Negan couldn’t be dead, he couldn’t. He refused to accept it, and he was damn well ready to kill the guys implying that he was.

Getting off the bed carefully, Carl pulled on one of Negan’s hoodies, seeking comfort in the warmth and scent as he limped to the door. Negan’s knife was sitting on the dresser, glinting in the lamplight. Carl considered it for a moment before taking it, not sure if he would need protection from betrayers, and then opened the door, relieved to find no one there to force him back into bed.

He held onto the wall as he stumbled down the corridor, his hands as steady as they could be when he held onto the staircase railing, edging himself down each step by using his arms to push his uninjured leg up and down onto the next step. It took him at least ten minutes but he got to the bottom, ignoring the stares of the Saviours in the community hall.

They couldn’t care less about his safety, he knew that. He would always be an Alexandrian to most of them, but he knew in his heart that he was a Saviour now. This was his home.

Hanging onto the wall again, Carl forced his injured leg to work, limping down the hallway until he reached the door to the outside. Then the radio in his hand crackled again.

_‘Shit, he’s back.’_

_‘How the fuck did he get past the lookout?!’_

_‘I don’t know! Must have taken another road back to avoid the smoke, bastard!’_

_‘We have to make a plan to overthrow him, man, meet me tonight in my room.’_

_‘Will do, Fry.’_

Fry. He was going to kill that bastard.

Wrenching open the door, Carl let out a breath of relief when he saw Negan stepping down from his van, but the relief was quickly replaced with rage. He half limped, half stormed across the courtyard to get to the older man, finally reaching him and ignoring his confused face when he turned around. He slapped him hard across the face, chest heaving and tears welling in his eye.

‘I thought you were fucking dead!’

Negan froze at the slap, his hand coming up to the red mark on his face before he was glaring down at Carl.

‘Well fucking hello to you too.’

‘You said you’d be home for dinner.’

‘I am!’

‘You’re five minutes fucking late!’ Carl snapped in response, tears falling now.

He didn’t wait for a reply before he buried his face in Negan’s chest, too upset to look at him as he hugged him tightly, taking shaky breaths.

It took a moment before Negan’s arm was around his shoulders and his hand on his head, hugging back.

‘Hey, it’s alright, kid, I’m fine. I’m right here.’ He reassured but Carl shook his head, bravery and upset taking over his mind as he looked up at him, tears streaming down his cheek.

‘I thought you were dead.’ He whimpered, before reaching up to bring Negan’s face down to his, kissing him desperately.

He waited only a few seconds before Negan was kissing back, and suddenly Carl was being picked up under his thighs and pressed up against the van door, face level with his now.

Negan only pulled away for a moment, looking at him with dark eyes.

‘I’m sorry I rejected you.’

‘Stop fucking apologising and just kiss me again.’ Carl snapped, gasping at how quickly Negan’s lips were back on his, the back of his head hitting off the van window briefly as he was completely pressed up against it.

‘If you’re late again, I’ll stab you.’ Carl muttered into the kiss in a sour tone that made Negan chuckle deeply.

‘If I get treatment like this every time I’m late, I might do it more often.’ The man grinned and Carl narrowed his eye at him, using his good leg to kick Negan’s thigh.

‘Bastard.’

‘You fucking love me, shut your mouth.’ Negan scolded before they were kissing again, completely forgetting about the other people surrounding them as they got on with unloading the supplies, letting the two have their reunion.


	13. 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps, it's been a long day so this is a little later than I expected it to be. Hope y'all are having a good day!
> 
> As always, kudos, comment, bookmark - all that wonderful stuff.
> 
> I love you all, hope you enjoy this chapter <3

‘So, let me get this straight. You hopped down all these stairs just because you were so worried I was dead?’

Negan tightened his grip under Carl’s thighs as they ascended the stairs, the teen perched comfortably on his back with his arms clung tight around his neck.

‘People on the radio were saying Riverton was on fire, I had the right to be worried!’

Negan chuckled as they reached the room and he let Carl down onto the bed, turning to face him only to find he was being dragged by the neck into another kiss.

Stumbling into the teen’s hold, he settled himself so that he was hovering over him, arms on either side of his small head and dark eyes boring into his blushing face. With his eye socket exposed, Negan thought Carl looked like the most beautiful painting of suffering and strength, his heart laid bare in one pale blue eye for him to steal away.

‘You’re so perfect.’ He whispered into the space between them, watching the kid’s face burn a darker red and balancing on one arm, using his gloved hand to stroke his cheek.

The younger looked up at him with such awe that it made Negan’s heart melt. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, full of affection and slow like they had all the time in the world, and Negan knew he’d stay alive as long as possible to take care of the stubborn shit underneath him. He would protect him for as long as he was able.

Carl let out a little whimper when he pulled away, glaring up at him.

‘What the hell?’

Negan chuckled, pecking his nose.

‘Such a dirty mouth, but we need to talk about those people you heard on the radio.’

Carl huffed but reluctantly sat up for him, letting Negan pull him into his lap as he sat down. The man kept his leg steady, so nothing was pulled or stretched, putting it up on a pillow once the teen was comfortable and stripping off his leather jacket. He wrapped his arms around Carl’s waist.

‘Tell me what they said, my little killer.’

The teen glared at him from his head’s resting place on the man’s shoulder.

‘Fry was one of them. I didn’t recognise the other voice. They were talking about a lookout near Riverton, and apparently the lookout hadn’t seen your van on the road. Something about Riverton being on fire and they were glad about the idea of you being dead. I think they’re starting a revolution, Negan.’ He explained and Negan frowned at the sight of tears in Carl’s eye, cupping his cheek.

‘Why are you crying, baby?’

‘I don’t want the Sanctuary to be ruined. I feel safe here, with you in charge, I don’t want that to change. And… my leg really hurts.’

Negan’s eyes widened somewhat at the admission of pain and he moved quickly to shift Carl’s leg into a better position. Once he was more comfortable, he sighed, stroking through the teen’s hair with gentle movements.

‘Carl, no one’s going to ruin the Sanctuary. We’ll snuff out the revolution plan by killing Fry and the other guy on the radio. We’ll make a big demonstration of it, I’ll even let you use Lucille on one of them.’ He smiled at him, trying to get the boy to stop crying.

Carl looked at him, his eye watery still, and Negan kissed him soft and slow, tangling his fingers in his long hair.

‘I promise you, nothing bad will happen.’

The teen nodded after a moment, leaning his forehead on Negan’s, and letting the man pull him closer to his chest.

‘Promise nothing will happen?’ Carl asked, quiet and meek so the words were barely noticeable.

Negan nuzzled his nose against his, stroking through his hair with gentle fingers.

‘I swear on my life.’

He waited a moment before the teen was nodding, shifting forward in his lap to get a kiss. Negan relaxed at the touch of Carl’s lips and ran his fingers through the boy’s hair, glad he was feeling better after panicking that Negan was dead. The man was ready and ripe to kill every bastard who threatened the stability of the Sanctuary and making Carl cry had only made their punishment worse.

‘Can we have dinner now?’ Carl’s voice was timid in his ear and it made the Saviour grin and nod, pecking the boy’s cheek.

‘Of course, we can, baby.’

~

_Knock, knock._

Carl was startled out of sleep at the sound of someone knocking on the door. He didn’t open his eye, opting instead to stab Negan’s stomach with his elbow to get the man to answer it. When he jabbed at the hard muscle against his back, his elbow came upon nothing.

‘Bastard.’ The teen growled to himself when he realised his partner… lover… boyfriend… fuck, he didn’t even know what to call him, had left him in bed alone.

Alone with his injured leg and scarred face. Bastard.

_Knock, knock._

He groaned, figuring he’d have to get out of bed and answer the insistent person by himself. Carl sighed and shifted to prop up on his elbows, dragging himself to the edge of the bed. Then he stopped, looking down and realising he had no jeans on anymore. He narrowed his eyes at that fact before noticing the note on Negan’s pillow, picking it up and scanning the contents.

_Hey baby, don’t panic, I’ve just gone to take care of some stray dead guys. I haven’t left ya. The walkie is on the nightstand if you need it, call me for anything you need. I left you my jacket if you get too cold._

_p.s. I took off your jeans so that you’d sleep more comfortably, no funny business. You’ve got a cute ass though xx_

Carl rolled his eyes at the last part of the note, but it did give him some relief. He looked to the end of the bed where Negan’s leather jacket was sitting and gnawed on his bottom lip, considering it, then grabbed it, slipping it on and huffing at how small he was in it.

Doing his best to ignore his small stature compared to Negan, Carl relished in the scent of the man’s cologne before opening the bedroom door, yawning.

‘Nice underwear.’

Carl glowered at Ada when she said that.

‘I like sharks, sue me. Why are you here?’ He yawned, rubbing his eye, and standing back to let her in.

Ada walked in and flopped down onto the bed, looking at him from her laid down position.

‘I wanted to hang out! Well, technically I’m here in an official capacity to examine how well your leg is healing, but Doc is letting me off for an hour after this unless an emergency comes in.’ She grinned, eyeing the jacket around Carl’s shoulders.

‘You two didn’t take long to start fucking, huh? Can’t believe you slapped him yesterday.’

Carl’s eye widened momentarily, and he shut the door, wandering over to the bed.

‘Well first, we haven’t fucked, and second, I didn’t realise you saw that.’ He muttered, shy as he got on the bed beside her, hugging Negan’s pillow to his chest and looking at her.

Ada had an eyebrow raised as she stared back. Carl noticed her eyes observing the way he hugged the pillow and huffed, burying his nose in it without shame before questioning her gaze.

‘Why are you looking at me like that?’

‘You just… you look different to when I first met you. You seem happier, which is confusing because the reason you were so sad when we met is that Negan killed your entire family. Now his leather jacket is wrapped around you like a security blanket. There’s something wrong about that.’

Carl considered her words for a moment, thinking about his dad and sister and everyone else he lost for the first time in a few days. Negan really had distracted him from what he’d done, he’d even convinced him that using Lucille would feel good, the weapon that murdered two of his friends…

‘No!’ He snapped out loud, shaking a little as he hugged Negan’s pillow tighter and inhaled the manly scent that was so perfectly Negan, trying to calm down.

‘Carl?’

‘He’s not a fucking bad guy! My dad was putting us in danger, they had to die to prevent more death. They weren’t my fucking family; Negan protects me more than they ever did.’

‘I don’t think that’s true-’

‘Well you didn’t fucking live with them, did you? My dad was insane, he was more of a danger to us than Negan. He was leading us into a fight we wouldn’t win.’ Carl argued, wrapping Negan’s jacket tighter around him to stay calm before offering his leg to Ada carefully.

‘You said you were here to check my leg. Check it and leave, I’m too tired to defend my fucking life choices.’ He sighed, keeping his gaze hard as Ada nodded, unwrapping his shin to inspect the wound.

Carl looked at it too, grimacing at the sight of the gash in his leg.

‘Looks fucking disgusting.’

‘It’s healing. You should clean around it but don’t submerge it in water if you bathe, it’ll get into the wound and might infect it.’

Carl nodded, whimpering under his breath when Ada wrapped the wound again and carefully moving his leg back into a straight position so he could sleep.

Ada stood up and tucked her hands into her pockets, looking around Negan’s bedroom.

‘So, you’ll live here then?’

The teen nodded again, speaking up before she could.

‘I’m sorry that Negan hit you.’

The young woman looked at him for a moment before nodding as well, scuffing her foot on the carpet.

‘Thanks, I guess. I’ll leave you to sleep.’ She smiled and Carl managed a smile back, lying down to rest his head on Negan’s pillow again.

‘Tell Daniel I said hi.’

‘Will do, cripple.’

Carl let out a laugh at that, waving as his friend left and then nuzzling into the pillow underneath him, drifting off into sleep easily with the exhaustion he still felt.


	14. 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya folks,
> 
> Late, late chapter today cause my dog's barking is the most distracting thing on earth!
> 
> As always, kudos, comment, bookmark and such else <3
> 
> I love you all, please enjoy the chapter xx

Negan spent an hour behind the Sanctuary with Simon and Mason, killing as many walkers as Lucille could smack down. Eventually, they were surrounded by twenty-two deceased corpses, no twitching or groaning in sight, and it filled the man with relief as he turned to his subordinates.

‘You two want to clean this shit up? I’ve got to get back by lunch otherwise I’ve been promised a stabbing.’ He told them both in a gruff tone, stretching his arms behind his back and swinging Lucille onto his shoulder.

Simon nodded, having seen Negan and Carl the day before and knowing what he was talking about. Mason wasn’t so clued in, and that didn’t play to his favour. He laughed at Negan’s comment, crossing his arms over his chest.

‘Someone not liking you too much, sir? They ain’t the only one who wants to stab you in this place.’

Negan stopped when Mason said that, turning around from his route back to the main building and raising an eyebrow at the younger man.

‘Excuse the fuck out of you, Mason, but what the fuck did you just say to me? Was that a fucking threat?’ He laughed, walking closer to him with a grin on his face.

Simon stayed to the side, dragging a few bodies further away from the Sanctuary gates to avoid Negan’s wrath. Mason didn’t look scared yet, but he had taken a small step back to be safe. He smirked at Negan, like he’d completely forgotten who the man was and what he was capable of.

‘No threat, sir. Me and Fry are just looking out for you, making sure none of those bad Saviours try anything.’ He defended with a smile, and Negan stopped his advance on the man, smirking too as he pointed Lucille at his chest, tilting his head at him.

‘Oh… so you were just protecting me, huh? You and Fry?’

Mason nodded and smiled at him, taking another tiny step away from the older man who clocked the movement. A low groan met both their ears from the ground beside Negan’s feet. He swung Lucille, looking like he was aiming for the side of Mason’s head before she came down on the walker skull beside his right foot.

‘Well jeez, Mason, I’m sorry for accusing you of threatening me. Thanks for being so vigilant. Help Simon clean this shit up, huh boy?’ Negan grinned at Mason whose eyes had widened at the threat of Lucille smacking into him.

‘S-sure, sir, will do.’ He answered with a stutter, giving him a shaky smile to which Negan just laughed before walking back inside.

He strolled through the community hall until he reached the stairs and then hit Lucille off the metal railing, sending a loud, screeching ring through the hall which bounced off the walls. Everyone went silent as he moved a few steps higher than the crowd, all the Saviours getting on one knee to bow to him.

Negan didn’t say anything until they were all kneeling.

‘Listen up, you sorry shits! There’s going to be a demonstration in a few hours out there in the courtyard. I wouldn’t bring the kids to see. When you hear the bell, come on out and watch the show. As you were!’ He bellowed so that everyone heard him, then turned on his heel and headed upstairs, wanting to get back before Carl woke up.

Negan opened the door as slow as possible, not wanting to disturb the teen who he found curled up on the bed, nose buried in a pillow. He looked so peaceful, so calm that it felt wrong to wake him up from his slumber, so Negan didn’t.

He approached the bed quietly, setting Lucille down on the ground before crouching by the bed, stroking Carl’s soft cheek lightly so he didn’t disturb him.

‘You’re so gorgeous, my beautiful little lamb.’ He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead only to hear a mumble coming from the teen.

‘I’m not a fucking sheep, old man.’

The grumbled statement made Negan laugh low against Carl’s skin and he pulled away to look down at the boy whose one blue eye had opened to glower at him.

‘Well you’re my beautiful little lamb, and I’m happy to be your old man.’ He grinned, helping the kid sit up when he started moving.

He noticed Carl rolling his eye and couldn’t help smiling wider, pinching his unscarred cheek between his thumb and finger.

‘So pretty.’

Carl glared at him and the man noticed his eye flicker to look at the scar on his wrist from Carl biting him. Negan opted to thread his other hand into Carl’s hair, stroking the back of his neck with gentle touches which forced the teen to look up at him.

‘Don’t worry about that, little lamb. Doesn’t even hurt.’ He watched him stare at the injury with sad eyes and sighed, going to hug Carl close before the kid was attaching himself to Negan’s forearm, kissing the bite scar and nuzzling into the man’s palm.

Negan froze up somewhat as he observed Carl hugging his arm like it was a teddy bear, taking a moment to stare in shock before he smiled, leaning forward and kissing him softly.

‘You are so perfect, baby.’ He hummed against his lips, making Carl huff and take a deep breath from the kiss.

‘You smell like death, Negan. Go and shower.’

Negan laughed and nuzzled the boy’s scarred cheek, breathing on the sensitive skin to make Carl shiver.

‘Come and shower with me. I’ll tape a plastic bag over your bandage.’ He reassured, pecking his cheek to make Carl laugh too, smiling when he did.

Carl rolled his eyes, hitting Negan’s chest.

‘Dirty old pervert.’

‘But you love me. Come on, scoot to the edge so I can wrap up your leg.’ Negan ordered him in a gentle voice, helping Carl to move forward before rummaging around his room for a sheet of plastic and some tape.

Once his leg was taped up and waterproof, Negan helped him to his feet.

‘Lean on me, Scarface, I’ve got you.’

‘Remember when I slapped you? I’m thinking about doing that again.’ Carl hissed up at him, but Negan just laughed, pulling him closer when they reached the bathroom and shimmying his jacket off of the boy’s slim shoulders, kissing him softly as he went.

Once his top half was stripped, Negan moved onto himself, tugging off his bloodstained white shirt. As soon as he did, he found Carl’s shaking fingertips were on his stomach, tracing the ab muscles he still had from running and weight-lifting.

‘Like what you see, kiddo?’

When the teen looked up at him, his bottom lip was bitten raw and red, gnawed to death. Negan frowned, stroking his thumb across Carl’s lip.

‘You shouldn’t be biting like that, gorgeous. What’s wrong?’

He watched as the kid’s face went from snow white to blood red, smirking at what he said next.

‘You’re just… really hot…’ He trailed off, small hands trailing down towards Negan’s jeans which the man quickly prevented by circling Carl’s wrists, which made the younger man pout.

‘You’re denying a horny teenager, that’s cruelty.’

Negan chuckled deep and kissed Carl’s head, running his fingers through his long hair slow and steady.

‘It’s called chivalry. You have a gunshot wound in your leg and I’d like your first time to be a bit more special than taking place in a bathroom.’

Carl huffed and rolled his eye, trying to get out of Negan’s grip to touch him again only to be held back. The man narrowed his eyes at him, looking serious.

‘I’m going to let go now and you’re going to put your hands on my shoulders for balance while I take off your underwear. Understand?’ He stared down at him with enough sternness that the kid reluctantly nodded, staying still when Negan let go and got on his knees to shift Carl out of his shark-patterned boxers.

‘You have the cutest underwear, little lamb.’

‘Shut up, asshole.’ The teen grumbled but Negan could see the blush getting darker on his face when he looked up at him.

Once they were both naked, he held onto the younger man, allowing himself to be used as a crutch as Carl limped to the shower.

Negan spent half an hour caressing Carl’s scalp and washing the grease and blood from his hair, enjoying the little noises and soft purrs he drew from the teen’s lips but stopping his lithe, wandering hands when they tried to reach further down than his stomach. He let out such pretty whines when Negan denied him, so he couldn’t help denying him again and again.

When they were both scrubbed clean of the dirt and grime from a few days passed, Negan ran a brush through Carl’s hair while the kid brushed his teeth, helping him stand up to spit.

‘You want to wear my jacket for the big brain bashing?’ He grinned at the boy who nodded, reaching for the jacket already and tugging it over his white shirt.

‘It smells like you, I like it.’ He defended his decision, huffing when Negan laughed at him and kicking his hand while the older man tied his laces for him.

Negan pulled him to his feet a moment later, handing him Lucille.

‘Your weapon, ma lady.’

‘Fuck you!’

‘Not just yet, little lamb, be patient.’ Negan retorted, making Carl’s face go a furious red as they walked out to announce their presence to the other Saviours.

‘Pervert!’ The teen snapped as Negan rang the bell to get everyone outside.


	15. 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps,
> 
> Early chapter today!
> 
> If you enjoy, please kudos, comment, bookmark and such.
> 
> Love to you all, enjoy the chapter :)

Carl’s shirt was red.

Everyone had gathered around the courtyard, a crowd of nervous and frightened faces watching as Simon and Dwight dragged out Fry and Mason, their hands tied with rope behind their backs.

‘Get on your fucking knees.’ Negan had hissed at them both, kicking Fry when he didn’t move fast enough.

Carl had held onto the man’s arm while he spoke to the crowd, face buried in his chest as Negan stroked through his hair to keep him calm, letting Carl purr contently into his shirt. The teen was half asleep by the time they got to any punishment, only roused when Negan planted a kiss on his lips and called him a lamb to piss him off.

He had glanced at the crowd of Saviours surrounding them. Some looked like they were going to burst into tears, some looked frightened, some looked bored. He found that he preferred it when they looked balls-out terrified. It was funny.

‘Time to take the stage, little lamb.’ Negan had murmured soft in his ear when Carl turned to look at Fry and Mason.

Mason was shaking, and Carl could sympathise with that. He had just followed the wrong guy into hell. Maybe he wouldn’t be so harsh on him. Fry, on the other hand, was just glaring at Carl. Rude.

He approached both of them, doing well not to stumble over his own feet from the limp that plagued him, and pointed Lucille at Fry’s face.

‘You wanted to kill Negan.’

‘Yes.’ The kneeling man admitted with malice laced into his tone, hard grey eyes staring back at him that made Carl want to rip his throat out – and he did.

Carl had landed one swift blow to the side of Fry’s head before he’d bent down in front of him on his good knee, biting into the man’s throat and tearing the flesh away as his dad had once done years before.

The skin and muscle tore so easily between his teeth, the coppery, evil taste of his blood flowing over his tongue and making him feel like a rabid dog. Carl was hitting him with his bare hands after that, straddling his hips and beating, punching his face until his knuckles were scraped raw and bleeding.

Fry had been limp and dead five minutes before Negan was behind him, bare, muscled arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him up off the dead man’s body.

‘You did well, little lamb, let me take over now.’ The older man insisted but Carl struggled in his grip, gaze set on Mason who was shaking more and looking at Fry’s body fearfully, like he was terrified of the same thing happening to him.

 _He should be,_ Carl thought to himself as he kicked and struggled in Negan’s arms, wanting to beat the other one to death as well.

‘Let me go, Negan! I want to kill him!’ He growled, elbowing where he could on Negan’s chest but to no avail.

The man’s grip only got tighter around his waist and his deep voice spoke calmly in his ear, making him shiver.

‘You need to calm down, Carl, you’re going to hurt yourself.’

‘I don’t care, get off of me!’ Carl snapped, scratching at the arms around his body and snarling at Mason who watched in fear.

‘I’ll fucking kill you for trying to hurt him! You’ll regret your whole fucking miserable existence!’ He yelled, ignoring the stares of Ada and Daniel who looked on with worry as Negan lifted him up and carried him back inside, easily keeping hold of the teen since he was smaller and weaker.

‘Put Mason in a cell, I’ll deal with him later!’ Negan’s voice was yelling before the door shut in front of Carl’s eyes, blocking out the light from outside as Negan led Carl back to their shared room.

He didn’t struggle as much on the way up the stairs, not wanting to fall and hurt himself, but he was hitting at Negan’s chest again when they reached flat ground, angry that he didn’t let him finish the job.

~

Carl was out of control. Negan had barely been able to keep a hold of him when he dragged him inside, the teen’s sneakers scuffing through the courtyard dirt and leaving a trail of dust in their wake.

He hadn’t expected him to rip the guy’s throat out or start hitting him. All he thought he would get was a few swings of Lucille before Carl lost the energy to kill him or decided he didn’t like killing the living. What he certainly didn’t think he would get was a rabid animal using his teeth to tear out Fry’s neck.

Negan wasn’t sure what to do with what he just saw. Carl didn’t even look human in that moment. He was so angry and sad and desperate all at once, every emotion going into the hits he landed on his victim and on Negan. The older man knew he’d have to talk to him about it eventually and figure out what the hell was going on inside his head, but for the moment he just had to get him away from the crowd.

He had no idea if Carl was wound up enough to kill an innocent Saviour as well, and he didn’t want to find out.

Once they were in their bedroom together, Negan dropped Carl onto the mattress and then locked the door behind them, standing against it so the teen would have to go through him if he wanted out again. But Carl sat still now, his breathing so heavy and full that it moved his whole body.

His previously pure white shirt was dark red, soaked by Fry’s spilt and sprayed blood. The teen’s teeth were red with it too, lined by the life that he had ripped from a man’s throat, and his beautiful long locks were drooping with the red that had reached them also.

But Carl still managed to look more like a wounded animal now than a savage monster. Negan noticed his hands were shaking, nails embedded with more blood. There was just blood everywhere. He knew he’d have to change the sheets now but that was far from his main priority right now.

He sat on the edge of the bed beside the teen, listening to him take shaky breaths and putting his larger hands over his small ones, giving them a gentle squeeze.

‘Carl, look at me.’ He whispered but the teen didn’t move, only staring at the hands holding his.

Negan sighed, sitting closer to him, and kissing his forehead where no blood had reached yet. Carl let out a little whimper at the kiss and Negan frowned, pulling him closer and ignoring the blood that would transfer to him. He was covered in enough of it already.

‘Baby, I need you to tell me what happened out there.’ He murmured softly, stroking through his hair despite the blood and letting Carl bury his face in his shoulder.

‘I just… I got so angry. They were going to hurt you, he said he wanted to kill you, I- I couldn’t let that happen and everything turned red and the next thing I remember is you pulling me away from him.’ The soft admission made Negan sigh again and he lifted Carl’s chin gently, stroking away the blood and tears that covered his cheek.

Carl looked so vulnerable, so injured, that it made Negan forget all about the murderous animal he’d seen moments before. He cupped the teen’s cheek and kissed him, slow and soft like he always did.

The kid physically relaxed in his hold, his whole body turning into a limp noodle in his arms as he moved their lips together, letting Carl move his hands up into his dark hair and use him as an anchor for reality. That’s what the kid needed right now, an anchor. Negan had to be bedrock for him to build his foundations on in the Sanctuary. That’s why he must have gotten so upset when Negan was under threat.

The older man pulled away slowly once Carl was calm, looking down at him and smiling, running his thumb across his plump bottom lip.

‘I think we need to shower again, little lamb.’ He chuckled, smirking when Carl blushed under his touch and looked apologetic.

‘I think you’re right, _sir_.’ Negan was surprised to hear that word come out of the kid’s mouth.

Fuck, that did shit to his mind. But he had to focus.

‘You little brat. You know exactly what you’re saying, don’t you?’

Carl shrugged, blinking innocently at him.

‘Let’s go and shower.’ The slightest giggle left his lips and Negan rolled his eyes, following his blood-soaked boy to the bathroom.

‘Little brat.’


	16. 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> WARNING: Please be advised, there is some smut in the second half of this chapter, which leads onto the warning for Chapter 17 because there will be some heavier smut in that.
> 
> If you like, please kudos, comment, bookmark ^^
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter :)

‘Carl’s very, very sorry for tearing the stitches. Aren’t you, little lamb?’

Carl whimpered at Negan’s tone of voice while Doc took out the ruined stitches to replace them, burying his face in his older boyfriend’s shoulder as a few tears of pain slid down his cheek.

‘Really, really sorry.’ He whispered, wishing his life would end when the needle went into his leg and started threading the gash closed.

He nuzzled further into Negan as the pain increased, leaning into the hand that stroked through his hair and trying to focus on that feeling rather than the needle in his leg.

‘It’s not that bad, Negan, the wound is still healing so the stitches haven’t affected that. He’ll be fine.’ Doc smiled up at the man and patted Carl’s knee to comfort him, backing up when it made a low snarl leave Negan’s lips.

Ada watched with a wary gaze when Negan snarled, worried about that temper being around her friend, but Carl was so cuddled into the man’s chest that she wondered if he was a threat to him at all. The teen seemed so comfortable in his arms, willing to cry in front of him and let Negan stroke his hair, something she had never thought was possible considering how closed off Carl had been when she first met him.

Carl snuggled into Negan’s neck with another small whimper as the stitches were finished and a fresh bandage was wrapped around his shin, letting him move his face enough to kiss his forehead. He looked up at the man, his eye still watery from the pain, and smiled when he smiled.

‘Feeling okay, little lamb?’

The teen narrowed his eyes, still not happy with the nickname, even if he was half-drugged and feeling the intense burn of his stitches as the medication he’d been given earlier wore off more than it already had.

‘I’d feel a lot better if you didn’t keep calling me a sheep.’ He huffed, jumping down off the table onto his good foot and testing the balance of the injured one.

It stung but it was bearable, so Carl put the barest amount of weight on it so he could limp without Negan’s help. Negan watched with a proud expression, about to stand and follow the teen before Ada walked up to him, standing in the way of his exit.

‘If you hurt him, I’ll hurt you. He’s my friend, and you killed his entire family. I don’t trust you for shit, so be careful how you treat him.’ She warned with a serious tone that made Negan smirk and stand up so he could use his height to intimidate her.

Being even shorter than Carl, Ada had a lot more of a height difference to use for intimidation.

‘I don’t intend to hurt him. I love him, he’s the most perfect creature on earth and I want to give him the whole world, so there’s no need to worry. However, if you threaten me like that again, when your safety here relies on Carl liking you, I’ll make sure to give you the same treatment as my head of security who shot my little lamb. Understand me, bitch?’ Negan snarled, only smiling when Ada nodded and stepped out of the way.

‘As long as we’re on the same page, sir.’

‘Don’t worry, little one, we are.’ He replied before walking out with Carl.

The teen walked a few steps ahead of him just to prove he could, but when they came to the stairs he stopped, looking a little worried. Negan sidled up behind him and wrapped his arms around Carl’s waist, bending down to rest his chin on his shoulder.

‘Something wrong, Sonic the Hedgehog?’ He smirked, teasing him about his earlier confidence that had faded so quickly at the sight of stairs.

He heard a grumble escape his lamb before he spoke.

‘I need help up the stairs, jackass.’

Negan grinned and pecked his cheek, poking his ribs playfully.

‘I know, baby. Hop on my back.’

‘I hate you.’

‘You love me, you soft-hearted little shit.’ The older man rolled his eyes, kissing Carl gently before crouching down so that the teen could climb onto his back.

He tightened his hold around his thighs as he started climbing the stairs and smiled fondly when Carl tucked his face into his neck, going quiet as he got comfortable in the strong hold.

~

Later on, after dinner, when everyone else had gone to bed, Carl found himself relaxing on his stomach, stretched out like a long noodle on his and Negan’s shared bed. He was comfortable, too comfortable to be living in a world where the dead were eating the living, but he was too blissed out to think about that.

He was half-convinced that Negan had drugged him with something to calm him down after all the crying he did when his leg was being stitched, but he knew it was more likely that his body was taking full advantage of the peace and quiet he had at the Sanctuary. The safety he felt in Negan’s territory was so relaxing, and with the fire that Negan had put on blazing behind the fireplace grate, he was so warm and cosy that he felt like he was melting into the bedsheets.

The raven-haired Saviour beside him was sitting up with a book in one hand, glasses on as he read while his other hand stroked through Carl’s let down hair, comforting him. Negan assumed the kid was asleep, based on his even breathing pattern and the fact that he hadn’t heard an insult from him for at least an hour, so he brushed through his hair gently to try and keep him that way, wanting the kid to get more sleep.

When it came around to bedtime, Negan got up to change out of his jeans, not realising that Carl was still awake. He stripped off his jeans without even glancing at the teen, whose eyes fluttered open at the sound of the man’s belt buckle and landed on the bulge in his underwear.

Carl knew what a dick was, obviously, because he had one, but compared to the bulge he could see in Negan’s boxers, he thought his own was quite measly. He’d overheard a few girls giggling about his relationship with Negan the day before and they’d certainly taught him a lot about what to do when you’re in a relationship with a dude when he joined the conversation, helping him with the stuff his dad had never taught him.

The idea of putting his mouth on another guy’s dick hadn’t ever seemed appealing until he started getting closer to Negan, more touchy, and now as the man tugged down his boxers to pull on some shorts for wearing in bed, Carl found himself drooling at the sight of his older boyfriend’s larger than average length hanging between his legs.

Carl did his best to muster enough bravery in that moment and, when Negan looked above his head as he stretched his arms out, the teen moved quick, wrapping his lips around the head, and starting to suckle.

The groan it gained from Negan was music to his ears and sent a jolt of arousal down to his own dick. He looked up at the older man, his one blue eye wide and innocent as it met the whisky gaze of his boyfriend.

Negan chuckled, running his fingers through the top of Carl’s hair.

‘What are you up to, darling? Where’d you learn how to do that?’

Carl flushed red at Negan’s newest nickname for him and pulled off only for a moment to speak.

‘Made some new friends, they taught me. Said I should know what I’m doing when we have sex for the first time.’ He answered in an innocent tone before his lips were back on him and he was suckling without abandon, listening to Negan’s helpless groans.

The hand on his hair got tighter as he sucked harder, managing to take all of the thick length in his mouth and closing his throat around it. He let out a whine of discontent though when Negan suddenly pulled him off and pulled his hair to keep him away from the dick he was licking like a lollipop.

Dark eyes looked down on him and the man’s other hand came to rest on his chin, stroking his cheek with his thumb lightly.

‘That little mouth was just made for sucking cock, huh? What would you have done if I hadn’t found you out there in the woods? Sucked cock for food and water, pretty little darling?’ Negan purred and Carl snarled at him, teeth bared despite looking debauched with saliva running down his chin.

‘Jackass.’ He hissed, making Negan smirk.

‘Such a dirty mouth.’ He purred before filling Carl’s throat with his cock again, letting the boy moan around him as he thrust into his mouth.

Negan kept going until he came. Carl’s shirt was soaked in his own drool while the man’s salty release filled his mouth, flowing over his taste buds as he moaned from the hard tug on his hair, panting when his boyfriend finally pulled out.

He swallowed, unable to do anything else with how fucked out he felt, and grabbed onto Negan’s arm when his hand left his hair, hugging it to his chest.

‘Have sex with me? Please?’ Carl pleaded with his eye wide, making Negan weak at the knees as he looked down at his boy.

It took everything in him to shake his head instead of giving into the teen, and he kissed away the trembling pout that started on his young face, ignoring the taste of his release on his mouth.

‘You don’t want me?’

Fuck, even his voice was trembling. Carl had let him fuck his face, but he hadn’t realised what he was giving away when he did so. Now he felt so vulnerable when Negan shook his head, and he couldn’t help the tremble in his lip and the tears that welled in his eye at the threat of losing the man he’d given his heart to. The kiss didn’t even register in his mind as he convinced himself Negan didn’t want him anymore, that he was going to drop him outside the Sanctuary gates and let the wild have him.

Negan’s heart broke at the sound of Carl’s question, and he quickly sat down on the bed, smothering the teen with kisses despite the mess of drool and cum on the edge of the sheets.

‘I want you so bad, darling, so bad, but I don’t have ten orgasms in me nowadays. I need rest before I open you up like that, so we’re going to sleep, and I’ll have sex with you tomorrow. Okay?’ He tried to reassure the whimpering teen, managing to get a nod out of him.

Cleaning everything up and stripping the sheets in favour of a warm blanket, Negan curled up in bed with Carl as the little spoon, tucking his face into the boy’s neck as they both fell asleep. He’d take good care of him the next day.


	17. 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,
> 
> Sorry for the disappointing lack of smut in this chapter, but please enjoy lots of butt-naked Carl!
> 
> Enjoy the chapter, peeps xx

‘Darling, wake up. Time for breakfast.’

Carl whined unashamed at the sound of Negan’s gravelly voice in his ear, refusing to move. He was too tired, too exhausted from the stress of the day before that he just wanted to stay in bed all day and ignore his duties. Sleep still lingered heavy on his eyelid as he pressed his nose further into the pillow beneath his head, hoping he could pretend to be asleep despite the noise he’d already made.

A tired chuckle registered in his mind, one thick, calloused hand slipping under the covers to caress his bare thigh. He wanted to lean into the chest pressed to his back and purr like a kitten, but he also didn’t want Negan to have that much control over him using just his deep voice. Or at least he didn’t want him to know he had that control.

‘Carl, you have to eat something.’ His older boyfriend insisted, lips pressed to his ear as the hand on his thigh ran fingers over his skin with featherlight touches, tickling him to the point where Carl let out a small giggle, unable to keep it in.

‘I know you’re awake, little lamb.’

The teen huffed, stretching out long on his side of the bed and discovering that his soft pillow was actually Negan’s bicep, his lips resting on a tattoo of his barbed wire bat.

‘You have a tattoo of Lucille.’ He murmured softly, lifting his head a little so he could trace a finger over the ink.

‘And you’re awake.’

Carl grumbled, turning over in his arms, and looking at him.

‘I’m not ready to get up though. Bring me breakfast in bed? Please?’ He pleaded; his baby blue eye wide like a puppy’s to weaken Negan’s resolve.

He grinned slyly when the man broke, a sigh leaving his lips and a hand coming up to cup Carl’s cheek.

‘You know exactly what you’re doing, don’t you, sweetheart? You know I can’t resist that face.’

‘I was counting on your weak will.’ The teen quipped back, his expression gleeful while Negan unravelled his arms from the boy and got out of bed, pulling on his jeans.

‘You’re already a manipulative little slut and you haven’t even had a dick in your ass yet.’ He chuckled deeply, glancing back at him when Carl shifted closer to his partner.

He’d lost the sheets covering his body and become a long slip of pale skin, bare white cheeks on display for Negan to stare at and bury his face in anytime he liked. The young body in front of him was so tempting now that Carl had offered himself willingly, but he took a deep breath, shaking his head with a laugh and winding his finger into the boy’s long hair.

‘Tell me what you want for breakfast before I eat you.’ He warned and Carl rolled his eyes, leaning into the hand in his hair.

‘I’m not that hungry, just get me an apple.’

‘Alright, stay here. Don’t open the door-’

‘-unless I hear the knock, yes, I know the rules.’ Carl sighed, resting his chin on his hands as he watched Negan leave the room.

~

The rest of their day went by blissfully, with Negan laid back shirtless on the bed and Carl wrapped around his side with nothing on but a blanket. He had nestled his face into the space between his boyfriend’s neck and shoulder and had been half-asleep there all day.

They’d eaten breakfast and discussed going to work, but when the rain started, neither wanted to, and Negan put some other poor sap in Carl’s security position so that his little lamb didn’t get sick. He couldn’t let anything bad happen to the teen, he didn’t want to let anything bad happen to him, so everyone else could get sick, even if it only meant keeping his boy safe from the common cold.

The rain battered down outside, hitting off their bedroom window occasionally as Negan ran his fingertips back and forth on Carl’s thigh. The boy was quite comfortable cuddling into the man’s hard physique since he’d discovered all the soft spots on him, information it took Negan a while to give up before he fully trusted the kid not to stab him at any random point in the day.

Carl always kept his knife on him, but not for the purpose of stabbing Negan. He was in the business of stabbing anyone who wasn’t Negan that got too close unless it was Doc stitching his leg up. After his experience with Arat shooting him, he had learned not to trust another soul in the Sanctuary that wasn’t Negan, and he made sure to keep them all at a distance, even Ada and Daniel.

The two of them had been lying there for hours, cuddled up to each other’s bodies, whispering soft words and hissing sharp insults. It made Carl feel at ease, in the most morally fucked up way possible, and he giggled at every insult from Negan that turned out to be a thinly veiled compliment.

Negan laughed at everything he shot back too, deep vibrations going through his chest and into Carl’s body that would make him fall to his knees if he weren’t already lying down. He knew he should be on guard duty, helping keep danger out of their home, but with the rain pouring down, it all felt too gloomy to be doing anything but snuggling Negan’s chest.

‘You alright, darling?’ The hand on his thigh gave a gentle pat to his skin to get his attention, and Carl smiled at the soft gesture, removing himself from Negan’s neck and looking up into dark amber eyes.

‘I’m perfect, Negan.’

‘I know you’re perfect, baby, I asked if you were alright.’ Carl rolled his eyes when Negan grinned at him, hitting the man’s chest.

‘You’re not funny.’

‘I’m only telling the truth. You are so perfect.’ Carl squeaked when his older boyfriend rolled over to pin him down, looking up at him with a soft laugh.

‘Am I supposed to be threatened? You’re like a giant bunny rabbit, Negan, you don’t scare me.’

Negan chuckled, running one hand down the centre of his boy’s chest to make him physically tremble.

‘I’m not trying to scare you, darling. I want you to be comfortable… and warm… and safe.’ He punctuated each word with a kiss to Carl’s neck, listening to the teen purr in his hands.

Carl stretched out luxuriously like a cat underneath him and brought his hands up into the man’s hair, running his fingers through the salt and pepper strands.

‘Give me what you promised last night.’ He murmured, leaning up to kiss him softly and smiling when the gesture was returned.

He was so enamoured with Negan, so in love with him, and the older Saviour felt exactly the same way.

‘It would be my pleasure, little lamb.’


	18. 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all,
> 
> Sorry I didn't update yesterday, been working on a few projects so updates might be every two days now as I go back and forth - I'm not sure as of yet.
> 
> This chapter has an after-mention of smut, you have been warned!
> 
> Enjoy, peeps, comment if you like it :3

Carl woke the morning after he and Negan had sex with the distinct need to pee pressing on his bladder. He could still hear snores coming from the older man who had enveloped him with his whole being, two large tattooed arms caging him in place on his back with a portion of Negan’s body lying on top of him.

That was probably why he needed to pee so bad.

Not even thinking about the fact that he was stark naked under the sheets, Carl attempted to wriggle out from underneath his boyfriend, going back and forth like a bear scratching its back on a tree before he finally got out from under the man.

When he managed to stand up, he was suddenly aware of the backache in the lower half of his spine, the pain sending him back to the night before.

He remembered laying back and spreading his legs for Negan, inviting him to take what he wanted him to have. Feeling thick, tan fingers working him open and prodding at the nerves in his ass until he was begging and writhing under the older man’s ministrations. Relishing in the further stretch that the Saviour’s dick offered him, the blunt head of flesh ploughing into him and making him see stars, again and again and again.

Carl had never wanted it to end. He’d begged and pleaded with Negan not to stop, to keep ramming into him until he was sore, but they both tired out eventually. The sensation of cum running down the backs of his thighs was still vivid in his memory, and the tender touches of his boyfriend wiping him down with a warm cloth were even more satisfying to remember.

Although Carl talked a harsh game and gave Negan insults anytime he could, he knew he was in love with the man. Lust played a factor in it, of course it did, because fuck, was his older lover a hot piece of man, but their relationship was predicated on love before all else, even violence.

Stretching the best he could with the knotted muscles in his back, Carl padded over to the bathroom on bare feet, only feeling a slight twinge from his gunshot wound now as it had almost completely healed. The tile in the bathroom was cold on the soles of his feet but he ignored that in favour of peeing, too desperate to urinate that he didn’t care about the temperature in the room. Peeing was more important than potential hypothermia.

Once that was taken care of, Carl stared at himself in the mirror as the toilet flushed, running a hand through his hair, and inspecting his socket for any dirt that might have gotten stuck in there the day before. Thankfully, it was clean, and he wandered back into the bedroom to find Negan still passed out and snoring like a pig.

He looked around to find his clothes as he realised how cold it was in the room and frowned when they didn’t appear in his line of sight, stalking over to his sleeping boyfriend and kicking his back.

‘Where’d you put my clothes, fuckface?’

A low groan escaped the sleeping man when he was kicked, and Carl noticed the way his face dug deeper into the pillow underneath his head.

‘Good morning to you too, darling.’ He replied simply, which turned Carl’s ears redder than they already were from the cold.

He let out a faint whine before he responded, hopping back and forth between his feet on the carpet underneath them.

‘I’m cold, Negan, tell me where you hid them before I wear yours.’

‘Wear mine then, or better yet, come back to bed and I’ll keep you warm while we go back to sleep. It’s too fucking early to be doing shit.’ Negan argued, staying buried in his pillow while Carl huffed, pulling out some clothes of Negan’s and tugging them on.

‘It’s not that early.’

‘The sun isn’t up, so I’m not meant to be up. Get your ass in bed before I kick you out of the room for talking while I’m sleeping.’ The older man grumbled, shifting his arm a bit so there was room for Carl to snuggle under, even if Negan hadn’t opened his eyes at all yet.

Carl huffed, running a hand through his hair to get it out of his face before scampering over to his side of the bed, climbing on from the foot of it and wriggling his body back into place. He rested his head on Negan’s chest once he was comfortable, taking a deep breath and snuggling into the semi-hard wall of muscle.

‘I love you, Negan.’ He murmured softly into the fabric of his shirt, smiling when he felt the vibration of a laugh under his fingertips, indicating that Negan wasn’t really mad at him at all.

‘Love you too, kiddo.’ His partner’s deep voice rumbled back, putting Carl at ease.

The teen listened to the rate of his heart under his ear as a lullaby, nuzzling the space between his shoulders and softly kissing his throat before drifting off back to sleep again.

‘Negan!’

‘Sir!’

‘NEGAN!’

Negan groaned, stirring at the sound of his name being called and bringing a hand up to rub his eyes, finding his other one hugged to Carl’s chest as the teenager slept peacefully beside him.

It wasn’t him yelling then.

As he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, thumping started on the outside of his door, rapid and panicked like the cause was in danger.

‘Negan!’

Simon. He was going to fucking kill that weasel.

‘What the fuck do you want? We’re trying to sleep in here!’ He snapped back at the man, surprised the boy in his arms hadn’t woken up at the yelling yet.

Carl was still sound asleep, quiet whistles coming from his nose as he breathed in and out, lost to the world. Most of his hair was fanned out behind his head, with a few strands falling over his gnarled eye socket, and he’d taken Negan’s arm hostage during the night, hugging it to his chest like a teddy bear.

Negan really had to get him a stuffed animal of some sort to free his arm from turning numb. He could barely feel it.

Stroking his thumb over Carl’s scarred cheek, he listened for a reply from his men.

‘It’s Grimes, sir. His dad is here.’

Negan’s hand froze on his young lover’s face.

‘He’s fucking here? Alive?!’

‘At the gate, sir. He wants to talk to you about making an alliance. I don’t think he knows shit about Carl.’ Simon explained, no longer knocking now that he had his attention.

Negan frowned, looking down at his boy again who hadn’t stirred at all. He didn’t know how Rick Grimes had survived that fire, or why he wanted to make an alliance all of a sudden after three months of silence, but he was still a danger. He had to protect Carl above everything, and that meant keeping him away from his father.

‘Alright, tell him I’ll be five minutes. I have to get dressed.’

‘Will do, sir.’ Simon’s footsteps and that of a few other Saviours dissipated down the hallway and Negan sighed, stroking Carl’s cheek and leaning down to kiss him softly, careful not to wake him up.

When there was no sign of wakefulness from the teen, Negan slowly and carefully moved his arm out of the boy’s grip, making his way out of the bed and managing to keep his manoeuvres quiet enough not to disturb him.

He moved as quickly and quietly as he could, dressing in jeans and a shirt before taking his pillow and tucking it into the space his arm had left in Carl’s arms, staying still for a moment and sighing in relief when the teen curled around it, burying his face in the pillow like it was the crook of Negan’s neck.

Once he had his boots on, he decided to leave the jacket in case Carl got cold, and shut the door as silently as he could, heading downstairs once he was out of earshot of the sleeping boy.

Skipping down the stairs with Lucille on his shoulder, he opened the door to the outside and took a deep breath in the warm air, squinting at the sun above his head. There was a figure at the gate in the distance, plain clothes and a gun holster giving the man away. Rick Grimes.

‘Rick the Prick! I thought you were fucking dead; it’s been so quiet here without your crazy ass ruining my retirement peace. To what do I owe the pleasure of your fucking sour company?’ He expressed with a grin as he sauntered up to the gate, swinging Lucille in front of him once just to watch the other man flinch at the motion.

His face was expressionless, dull, before the slightest smile blew Negan out of the water. What the fuck did this guy have to smile about around him?

‘I’ve come to make an alliance.’

‘Well, I’m all fucking ears, Rick.’


	19. 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lads!
> 
> I was between storylines with this chapter. I considered having Negan hide it from Carl for a few more chapters, but I thought having Carl under such a spell/so in love with Negan that he's already willing to kill his dad if he's a threat to him would be a better way to go.
> 
> It made more sense characteristically since I feel like Carl was at a breaking point at the start of this fic and having just slept with Negan the night before, he's given so much to Negan that he can't imagine living without him and so any threat to that life is a worth killing to Carl.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

‘Would you like to come in for some apple juice? I feel obligated to offer you something to drink.’ Negan grinned at Rick who had gone back to scowling, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared at the Saviour through the gate.

‘I don’t want apple juice, Negan.’

‘Oh, well excuse the fuck out of me for being polite then.’

He watched Rick sigh and observed the way he tensed even at the sound of his voice. He looked like he was in pain. Whether he had been injured in his body or in his pride, Negan couldn’t tell, but something was hurting. He got the same look on his face that Carl did when he was suffering, which was a disturbing thought all on its own.

The man’s shoulders seemed to droop before he spoke, like he was opening himself up to the ridicule he’d likely receive from Negan. He’d never done that before, so the Saviour listened to what he had to say.

‘We’ve lost people, Negan. Carl, he… our camp was attacked a week after the fire, and we lost five of the survivors. We’re low on supplies and medical shit. 

We need help and you’re the closest settlement.’ Rick admitted, running a hand through his hair.

Another thing that Carl got from his dad.

Negan sighed through his nose, stroking his hand over his beard as he considered what Rick had said. If he let the man in, he’d be killed within days by the other Saviours. They were out for Rick’s blood even without Negan’s encouragement. Taking a deep breath, he stepped closer to the gate.

‘There are people here who would give their own lives to kill you. Do you get that? You’ve killed their family members, Rick.’ He told him, seeing the pain in his stance get worse.

‘I know that.’

Negan nodded to his acceptance, tucking his hands into his pockets as he took another step towards him, still on guard but less wary now that Rick had let his own guard down.

‘What can you give me?’

‘Firepower, fighters. We can start looking for more food, we can collect firewood. Seriously Negan, we’ve got kids to look after, we need your help.’

‘I’ve got kids to look after in here too, Grimes. Toddlers who you orphaned when you killed their fathers.’

Rick lowered his head at Negan’s words, and the Saviour watched as all the fight left him. He didn’t feel bad, not in the slightest, but he knew a broken man when he saw one.

He waited a minute for a response to his words before Rick was reaching for his gun.

‘Peace offering. I’ll give you my pistol in exchange for your protection.’ The man said simply, eyes meeting Negan’s as they stood on opposite sides of the fence, staring each other down.

Negan hesitated, eyes flickering to the gun in Rick’s hand before he nodded.

‘Drop the fucking gun or I’ll blow your brains out.’

Fuck. He should have locked the bedroom door.

‘Carl? You’re a-alive?’

‘I said drop the fucking gun!’ Carl snapped, aiming Negan’s shotgun at Rick’s head.

Negan watched as Carl’s hands shook with determination, his grip wavering despite the hard look in his eyes. He was swamped in Negan’s leather jacket, hair tied back with his socket exposed and hickeys from the night before on show across the expanse of his pale throat. He would look like an angel if it weren’t for the tears streaming down his cheek, his baby blue eye watery with emotion.

He looked scared.

‘Carl, what are you doing?’

Negan took a step closer to the teen who was a few steps behind him, offering his hand to the young man who was still staring at Rick. His eye darted to look at his older boyfriend, hands still shaking.

‘He was going to kill you-’ His frightened voice cracked at the end, fringe falling in front of his face to cover his scar.

The older man gulped, approaching slower and reaching for the gun in Carl’s hands, careful not to go too fast in case he spooked him into shooting.

‘He wasn’t going to kill me, honey. We’re making a truce.’

Carl looked at him with his eye wide in disbelief.

‘A t-truce? But… he’s dangerous…’ He whimpered and Negan’s heart broke at the sound.

Once he had his hands around the teen’s and a grip on the gun in his hand, he brought Carl close to his chest, stroking his hair to calm him down. The boy shook in his arms, the stolen gun dropping from his hand for Negan to catch, and he tucked his face in his older lover’s chest, letting out another whimper.

‘I thought he was going to hurt you.’

‘I know, darling. It’s alright. I’m okay, we’re both okay.’ He reassured him, tilting Carl’s face up towards him and kissing him softly.

Rick was still standing with wide eyes as he took in the sight of his son being consoled by the man he thought had killed him. Carl stayed cuddled into Negan’s chest until he managed to calm down, still gripping onto his shirt.

‘I don’t want him here, Negan. Kill him.’

Negan froze at that. What the fuck did the kid just say? Looking down at him, he could see the determination in his eye, the utter depth of darkness in his lover that had overcome any family alliances in his brain. His gaze was dark, unsettling – the man fucking loved it.

He stroked his fingers over Carl’s scarred cheek, kissing his forehead tenderly.

‘Okay, darling. He doesn’t have to be here, but we don’t have to kill him. We can just send him away.’

‘What the fuck? We had a truce!’

Negan turned to Rick with dark eyes when he yelled, keeping Carl behind him.

‘He doesn’t want you here.’

‘You’ve fucking brainwashed him, asshole!’ Rick roared, angry as he reached for his gun, and the Saviour could feel Carl’s hand on his belt again, reaching for the gun he’d taken away from him.

Everything went in slow motion as Carl grabbed the gun and shot it in Rick’s direction, hitting his arm. A bullet whizzed past between him and Carl as Rick’s gun went off too, narrowly avoiding Negan and hitting the wall at the back of the courtyard, getting stuck in it.

Carl was breathing heavily, his hands still shaking as he held the gun up in front of him. His eye was wide and surprised, the shock of shooting his own father making him freeze up.

Negan tried to breathe and stay calm for the kid, everything happening way too fast for him to focus but he had to try. Dropping Lucille on the ground so he could keep his temper at bay, he made his way to the gate, staring down Rick who was gripping his arm tightly and trying not to bleed out.

‘First thing, I’m going to let you in to see Doc so that you don’t bleed out. Second, you don’t speak to Carl at all, unless you want to end up dead since he seems determined to kill your ass. And three, if you fucking dare try to hurt me or him again, I’ll kill you and all of the goddamn survivors of that fire.   
Understand?’ He asked calmly, waiting until Rick nodded before he opened the gate and let him in.

Once the man was inside, he locked the gate behind them, going to Carl and taking his hands slowly, kissing his knuckles. The teen was still shaking, barely conscious of his surroundings as far as Negan could tell. Shock had overtaken his senses.

‘You’re okay, little lamb. I’ve got you. Let’s go and see Doc, okay?’ He spoke softly, getting a brief nod out of the teen and circling his arm around his waist, leading him inside along with Rick, who watched the affectionate exchange in horror.


	20. 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to my Cegan peeps.
> 
> Here lies Chapter 20, in which there is smut, and Carl Grimes is a power bottom.
> 
> Please enjoy, and check out my Tumblr for updates ^^ @crystallinecrimsonmoth

Negan sat with Carl draped over his lap in Doc’s office, his delicate head resting on the older man’s shoulder as he came down from the shock of shooting his father. His boyfriend carded gentle fingers through the waves of brown that the teen had let him untie, winding through the strands to work out any knots and kissing his forehead after every few strokes. The kid’s blue eye had drifted shut a few times when he was too relaxed to stay awake, but mostly his gaze was fixed on the bleeding man atop Doc’s examination table.

Rick was unconscious already, put out by a punch to the face when Doc requested that he be sedated. With the bullet still inside the other man, Negan had taken it upon himself to both break his nose and knock him out, offering the excuse that his body would stay asleep longer to keep him out of pain. More time for Doc to get the bullet out, which the medical man accepted.

They’d been sitting there for fifteen minutes when he finally managed to wiggle it out of the man’s upper arm, dropping the metal droplet into a tray held out by Ada. The girl set it to the side before getting more gauze to help stop the bleeding, both her and Doc wary of the fact that this was Carl’s father, and even if the son wanted him dead, that didn’t mean Negan would allow the two of them to kill him.

Watching them finally stop the blood gushing onto the floor, Negan turned back to look at Carl, finding him asleep again and letting a small smile onto his face. He looked so peaceful in his sleep but there was still a dark ring around his eye from days without rest, the stress of life before the Sanctuary still weighing on his skin.

Negan could definitively say that he loved every inch of Carl. Every imperfection, every flaw, every beautiful little crater in the scar that was his eye socket. Everything was perfect to him, but he still wanted to erase the dark circle that crept around his nose and made him look like a ghoul. A beautiful ghoul.

He couldn’t help lifting his hand up to the teen’s face, his thumb tracing the ragged edges of his facial scar like it were a textured painting by the finest artist in the world. There was such a dark beauty to the socket scar, and the way it contrasted beside Carl’s perfect blue eye made his whole face an exquisite abstract artwork.

‘Boss?’

Fuck, where did he go? The kid’s damn perfect face had him far too distracted.

Looking up, he saw Doc and Ada staring at him, both standing beside a still passed out Rick with a tight bandage around his arm.

‘He’s fixed up. Might be a few hours before he wakes though.’ Doc explained, heading to the sink to wash the blood from his hands while Ada busied herself with clearing away the soiled gauze.

Negan nodded, tucking his arms under Carl’s body, and standing up with the teen in his arms.

‘Alright, cuff him to the bed. I don’t need any dead guards when he wakes up.’

‘Will do, boss.’

Sighing with relief that his little lamb hadn’t managed to kill his own father, he carried him back to their bedroom, finding Lucille already sitting at the door for him. He picked her up before laying Carl on the bed, kissing his forehead.

He was still asleep, soft breaths leaving his nose as he tucked his face into the pillow under his head, hair fanning out behind him. Massaging his back to keep him resting, Negan felt a twinge under his fingertips and wondered if the kid was still in pain from the night before. He regretted being so rough, even if Carl had asked him to be.

‘Negan?’ The soft, tired lilt of his boy’s voice brought him out of his thoughts, and he looked towards his face to see that one blue eye staring back at him.

‘Hey, darling. Did I wake you?’

Carl shook his head, sliding one hand down his back to link with the fingers pressing into his muscles.

‘No, but your hands right there disturbed my dream, so I had to wake up.’ He gave him a little smile and Negan nodded, gently moving him onto his stomach and sitting over the back of his thighs, pressing into his back muscles again.

‘Were you thinking about last night?’

‘Yes.’ Carl admitted breathlessly, letting out a gasp when Negan worked his thumbs into the dimples of his back.

The man smirked a little at the admission, digging his hands in deeper to draw out moans from him. It worked instantly, and the teen was gripping the bedsheets underneath him for stability as his boyfriend played with his muscles.

‘I’m in pain because of you, asshole. You fucked me too hard.’ He let out a sleepy hiss which made Negan chuckle.

He leaned down, his body covering Carl’s as he kissed behind his ear.

‘You asked for it.’

‘I didn’t ask for it that hard!’

‘Oh please, please daddy, fuck me, fuck me so hard I can’t walk!’ Negan mimicked his begs from the night before, grabbing his quick hands when they reached behind his back to slap him.

He circled his fingers around his wrists, watching the way Carl struggled under him and hissed. It was cute for a moment but then Carl looked angry. Legitimately angry.

‘Bastard! I’m not- I’m not just a little toy for you to fuck however you like! I’m not a fucking object, Negan!’ He snapped, tears showing in his eye already as the man struggled to contain his fists.

It wasn’t funny anymore. He was hitting back with the intent to hurt him; which Negan didn’t like one bit. He wasn’t putting up with this.

Struggling with the teen for a moment, he easily overpowered him and had Carl pinned with his wrists above his head and Negan’s thighs on either side of his hips. That gnarled face looked up at him with rage covering his expression, but he’d stopped fighting against Negan’s grip.

‘Do you like being pinned like this or are you just a brat?’ The man questioned in a growl, forcing his hand onto his throat when he tried to struggle again.

Their gaze met for a long silence, two dark minds challenging each other to make a move before Negan loosened his grip on his throat, sitting back on his haunches and letting him sit up.

‘I’m not an object.’

‘I never said you were.’

‘You implied it.’

‘Little lamb, if I ever imply that you’re just a fuck-toy to me, I give you full permission to punch me-’ The older man was cut off in his sentence by Carl’s fist meeting his face.

They both froze for a moment, Negan holding his face and Carl staring at the line of blood tracing a pathway from the man’s nose to his lip.

‘What. The shit. Was that?’ The Saviour finally spoke, still covering his face with his hand.

He noticed Carl hesitate before he responded.

‘You told me to punch you if I thought you thought I was a fuck-toy.’ He murmured, looking embarrassed now as he looked down at his hand that did the punching.

Negan sighed, nodding, and bringing his hand away from his face, staring at the blood covering it.

‘Fair enough, darling. Is your hand okay?’ The bearded man asked, more concerned for his lover’s welfare than his own.

He took the teen’s smaller hand in his own, inspecting his thumb and knuckles to see if there was any damage. He sighed.

‘They look fine. I know you’re stressed about your dad being here so I’m not holding the hit against you.’ He reassured, stroking his thumb across the back of Carl’s hand.

The room was quiet for a few seconds before Carl looked up at him, blue eye bright and attentive, and suddenly Negan found himself with a lapful of teenager, his soft little tongue licking at the bloody mess of his face. He wasn’t sure what to think, too stunned by what the kid was doing that he couldn’t speak, and only managed to grunt when Carl wiggled his hips on his crotch, hands tightening around his waist.

The wet muscle lapping at his upper lip stopped, and Negan was surprised to hear a soft growl against his mouth.

‘Take your jeans off.’

He didn’t expect that. This kid went from black to white to fucking rainbow in minutes. He wasn’t sure if he could keep up with his psychotic little ass.

‘What the fuck did you just say to me?’

A set of nimble fingers wrapped around his neck and Negan saw a glint of mischief in that one blue eye. Something twisted too.

‘Jeans. Off. I want control.’

Well fuck, that got him hard.

It seemed like Carl was getting impatient too, judging by the way he undid Negan’s zipper and started working his cock to full length in his hand. The Saviour groaned, his grip on Carl’s hips tightening until he could only just help the teen shimmy his jeans halfway down his thighs. That feeling, the feeling of his bare cheeks on his throbbing cock that was filling with blood too fast for him to comprehend, was enough to make Negan give himself to the kid, and soon he was balls deep inside him.

Carl had his lithe little hands wrapped around the man’s throat, squeezing while he used him as a means of achieving pleasure. Negan knew his little lamb loved him, but this particular session wasn’t about love. This was his pretty killer taking out his stress and frustration on the only cock he was willing to sit on, riding out a high to release the tension in his mind and forget his father’s presence in the doctor’s office.

Negan lay back and let him have what he wanted, surprised at his own willingness to be in such a vulnerable position. Carl could choke him out of his existence if he wanted to and he wouldn’t be able to fight back. The Saviour was only half sure that he wouldn’t end up dead from this particular altercation. 

God only knew what went on in his pretty lamb’s delicate mind.

‘You’re so thick.’ He heard a soft whine from Carl’s lips and looked up to see the teen’s head tilted back, his throat exposed, as he kept riding Negan, rotating his hips and keeping his hands on his neck so he didn’t speak and disturb his headspace.

The older man let him be, resisting the urge to buck up into the tight suction around him, and soon there were thin ropes of white spraying onto his shirt, staining the black fabric. Carl collapsed on top of him, chest heaving as Negan finished inside him too. They both lay there for a moment, only pants of heavy breath filling the air, before Carl was tracing the bruises on his boyfriend’s throat and making a little humming sound.

‘I still want to kill him.’

‘You’re a beautiful little psycho, Grimes.’ Negan chuckled fondly, but he didn’t try to talk him out of it, simply rubbing the teen’s back while he licked the bruises forming on the man’s neck like a kitten.


	21. 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there ^^
> 
> Here's a new chapter for y'all, hope you enjoy xx

‘Darling…’

‘No.’

‘He won’t leave until you talk to him, you know that.’

‘Then shoot him until he goes away.’ Carl grumbled into the crook of Negan’s neck, still lying comfortably on his chest.

It was the morning after Rick had shown up at the door and shot at the older man, ending up with a bullet in his own arm and a broken nose for his troubles, and Carl had been dragging his feet on seeing him all night and through the morning, reaching ten o’clock without leaving the bedroom.

Negan had woken early at eight to find hands wrapped around his throat and the angry little shit riding him like his life depended on it, taking out his frustration with sex once again. He wasn’t complaining per se, because the kid did have a nice little ass that fit his dick perfectly, but regardless of how much stamina he had, Carl would be lucky to get three erections out of his man on an average day.

This fact didn’t seem to have much impact on Carl’s desperation though, as he still used Negan as a method of letting out his anger whenever he was pissed off, erection or not. It would be flattering if it weren’t also scary, the dark look in his young lover’s eyes giving him a new kind of fear that he hadn’t experienced before.

Carl was dangerous, likely more dangerous than himself, and that made Negan both terrified and so fucking in love all at once.

He ran a hand through the kid’s hair, tugging out the knots gently as the teen’s nose pressed up against the pulse point of his neck, letting out deep breaths of warm air onto his skin.

He knew Rick was a danger to the Sanctuary, always had been, and that he’d killed more than sixty of his people – but he was still Carl’s dad, and he wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea of letting the kid kill his own father, no matter how bad he was.

‘We’re not shooting anybody, Carl. You have to talk to him, it’s the only way the alliance will work.’ He insisted, petting his cheek to keep the boy calm, but 

Carl slapped him away, sitting up and getting off the bed so he couldn’t pull him back into his arms.

‘I don’t want an alliance, I don’t want a treaty, I don’t want him fucking here!’ The teen snapped as he pulled on the denim shorts he’d picked out from the new clothing haul, tugging Negan’s old green hoodie over his head viciously.

‘Carl, calm down-’

‘-no! He’ll ruin it, Negan! I have peace here, I don’t have to sleep half-awake because the security’s shit or it’s an open camp, I’m not in danger five floors above ground in a warm bed! But I will be if you let him in-’

‘-Killer, he isn’t going to ruin that. I won’t let him.’ Negan reassured but it did nothing to quell the tears starting to well in the teen’s eye.

‘He won’t let me stay with you.’ Was all Carl said, his usually grumpy exterior breaking down at the thought of losing his life with the man.

Negan watched him lose his cool with a heavy heart, sitting up and going over to the boy. He lifted him up into his arms, legs around his waist, and stroked his beloved’s cheek as he stared back at him with his one watery blue eye.

‘I wouldn’t let anyone, no matter who the fuck they think they are, take you away from me. You’re mine, and you belong here. You are old enough to make   
your own decisions.’

That made Carl go quiet for a moment. Negan watched him think about his words before his soft fingers were rubbing on his beard, running through the fine grey and black hairs. The teen looked so focused on stroking his face and beard that it made him chuckle, and he moved his arm further up on Carl’s back to keep him steady.

‘I appreciate the beard massage, little lamb. Are you okay now?’ He purred, running his hand across one of the smooth thighs wrapped around him.

The young man’s face flushed red when he touched his thigh, and he nodded barely, the movement imperceptible to anyone further away than a foot.   
Negan kept stroking back and forth on his thigh as he replied.

‘I’m okay. I’ll talk to him, but you can’t come because I want to know what he really thinks without being threatened. Then I’ll know whether I can trust him.’

Negan nodded with a sigh.

‘Okay, darling. But you’ll take Lucille to keep you safe.’ He told him in a firm tone of voice, narrowing his eyes at the teen until he pressed a kiss to his cheek, dainty hands cupping his jaw.

‘Okay, daddy.’ He murmured, licking Negan’s upper lip to elicit a groan from him.

‘You know just how to tease me, don’t you, little lamb?’

Carl nodded, his cheeks blotched with the red blush because of his damaged skin, and he kissed Negan again, this time on the lips.

‘I know. Can I wear your jacket? To show my allegiance to your cause…’ The teen replied in a breathy whisper, lulling the older man into a sense of security while he nodded, entranced by his gaze until he was being kissed rough and needy, his lamb’s thighs clenching tighter around his hips.

They kissed like that for at least thirty seconds before the younger pulled away, pecking his cheek.

‘I’m going to see my dad now.’

‘No, just kiss me again, leave him down there to rot. Don’t ever stop kissing me…’ Negan held him tighter, leaning forward to kiss him again and groaning when his lips moved further away.

Carl just grinned at him, jumping down from his waist, and changing into a shirt and the jacket. Then he tossed a sultry glare over his shoulder, eyeing Negan up.

‘I think you should give me another bruise, Neeg, the one on my throat is fading.’ He murmured, letting out a giggle when the man moved faster than the speed of sound to attach his lips to his neck.

His already marked thighs shook at the sound of his slurping wet tongue on his skin, the scratch of his beard making Carl weak at the knees. Once the hickey was dark enough, Negan let him go, kissing his forehead.

‘Your dad’s in the prison, I had him moved before he woke up.’

‘Okay…’ Carl purred softly, pecking his cheek once more before picking up Lucille.

‘Bye, daddy!’

Carl wandered down the basement hallway with light footsteps, walking made easier and more comfortable with the lighter shoes Negan had gotten him. He kept Lucille on his shoulder, glad she was with him in case his dad did something psychotic and tried to hurt him, and kept a firm grip on her handle.

‘You’re not supposed to be down here, princess.’

He glared at the man leaning against the wall to his right, observing him standing there with a glower on his disgusting face. The teen still hated all of his boyfriend’s men. All of them were rough and greasy, with no manners and a tendency to sneer at him whenever he passed by. Now one of them had the bravery to use one of Negan’s personal nicknames for him. He didn’t fucking like that.

‘Excuse me? Call me that again and I’ll cut your nut-sack off.’ Carl snarled at him, baring his teeth and tucking his hair back away from his socket to look more threatening.

The guy just smirked at him, leaning forward off the wall and approaching him.

‘Yeah? You’re a feisty little thing. I’ve heard you’re a real whore for the boss’s cock. Maybe you’re desperate enough to take mine too.’ The teen gulped as he was pinned up against the edge of the nearest cell, blinking at the man and trying to figure out where he could cut him deep enough to kill him.

He tilted his head before giving the fucker a little smirk, running his finger down his cheek, and grimacing at the way he didn’t have facial hair like Negan’s to scrape through.

‘I don’t think you could handle me, sir.’ He murmured, slipping the knife in his belt into his stomach and slicing across his torso as Negan had once done to Spencer, spitting onto his face.

‘I fucking despise people like you.’ Carl hissed, dropping his body to the ground, and letting him bleed out as he wandered up the hallway to find his dad’s cell, smirking at the sound of wolf whistles from the other prisoners.

It took him a few minutes, lost in the number of cells there were in the basement, until he finally found Rick’s cell, seeing the man sitting up and awake, staring at the wall across from his cell.

‘Hey, dad.’

‘Carl… oh hell no.’ Rick shook his head, looking away from him when he saw what he was wearing.

Carl frowned.

‘What?’

Rick let out a laugh that made Carl’s shoulders sag.

‘You look like Negan’s little bitch. It’s disgusting. After what he did to Glenn and Abraham? And you carry around the bat he used to do it?’

Carl’s heart hurt from that comment, but he disregarded it in favour of fighting about the insult. He didn’t see the point in dwelling on past mistakes.

‘I’m not his fucking bitch. He loves me, he protects me, I’m safe here.’

‘You were safe with me!’

‘You were going to let him kill me! He told you he was going to kill me, and you didn’t do anything, you didn’t even acknowledge it-’

‘-I was trying to act like a leader!’

‘While failing as a fucking father!’ Carl snapped back, his fist shaking by his side as he gripped Lucille tighter in his other hand.

Crystal tears were dripping from his lashes, staining the concrete floor under his feet as he tried to hold back his upset. He listened to his father’s breath stutter and stepped back when he heard footsteps approach him.

‘Carl.’

‘No. He protects me, he cares about me, I don’t feel unsafe around him. I feel good for the first time in my life and I’m happy.’ The teen insisted, still shaking and gripping Lucille tighter for some support.

‘So, you’re a whore for a paedophile?’

Carl saw red when those words left Rick’s lips and used the prison keys at the guard desk to open the cell, hitting him square in the face.

‘He’s not a paedophile!’ He hissed, wrestling his dad to the ground, and hitting him harder with every punch.

‘I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!’ He cried as he just kept hitting him, tears streaming down his face.

He beat his face until he couldn’t breathe anymore, his vision so blurred from tears that he couldn’t tell if the man was still alive. He just had to get out of there, to get away from his dad’s bleeding face, and he stumbled as he stood, escaping the cell.

Carl ran in what he thought was the direction of his bedroom until he found himself back at the door, his heart racing. He walked into the room, covered in blood from punching Rick and heard a faint version of Negan’s voice speaking to him.

‘What have you done, little lamb?’

The teen hesitated, his grazed hands twitching before he replied in a quiet voice.

‘I think I killed him.’


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Enjoy the chapter and make sure to check out my Tumblr @crystallinecrimsonmoth for updates and other stuff.
> 
> Thank you for reading, comment if you like it xx

Carl was sitting in Negan’s lap only five minutes after he walked into their bedroom, coaxed into sitting down when the man gripped his hands to bring him back to reality.

His shorts were bloody, the red substance caked onto his thighs and dripping down to his shins, wetting the edge of his socks. His soiled white sneakers were discarded at the side of the room along with his shirt, a pile of stained red fabric, making the bedroom look like the sight of a murder scene. Maybe it was a murder scene, Negan hadn’t figured that out yet.

He’d sent his men to check out the scene in the prison, hoping to god that Rick wasn’t dead, that Carl hadn’t killed him. But the amount of blood on his boy’s clothes was telling, and the grazes on his knuckles told him that Rick was at least injured with more than the broken nose and gunshot wound.

Negan held Carl close on his knee, wiping his scraped knuckles with alcohol to clean the minuscule cuts that were gathered on his skin. The teen let out a hiss of pain occasionally, which he quieted with a kiss to his temple, but mostly they sat in silence, listening to the slosh of rubbing alcohol in the bottle Negan held as he cleaned the boy up.

The blood of the guard Carl killed had seeped through his shirt, leaving dried stains on his stomach that contrasted in a beautiful pattern with his milky flesh. He looked like a perfect little murderer, and he would be, if the death of a father at the hand of his own son wasn’t so disturbing that Negan couldn’t enjoy the sight of the teen covered in fresh blood.

Carl was quiet. Not his normal grumpy quiet, but deathly quiet. Like his soul was separated from his body and he was just watching Negan clean him up without really feeling it. It concerned him, and he worried that he was so far gone into the darkness that he wouldn’t recover if he really had killed his dad. The man had seen more than a few people jump from buildings at the start of the apocalypse for a lot less.

Once the kid’s hands were cleaned up, he wrapped them slowly with bandages, kissing his forehead once they were secure to try and bring him back to reality.

‘Little lamb?’

‘Boss.’

His eyes flickered towards the door where Rory stood, hands tucked into his jeans as he got the man’s attention.

‘He’s still breathing. Doc is fixing him up just now, it’ll be a few hours.’

Negan let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, hugging Carl closer to him and kissing his forehead again.

‘Thank fuck. Dismissed, Rory.’ He told the guard at the door who nodded, disappearing downstairs into the mass of people in the community hub again.

It was silent in the bedroom for a moment, only the spatter of rain on the window disturbing the air around Carl and Negan, before the younger finally spoke, saying the first words he had uttered since he’d stumbled into the room covered in blood.

‘He called me a whore.’ He murmured softly, no emotion in his tone whatsoever, and tucked his head into Negan’s neck, going quiet again.

Negan himself hesitated to say anything when those words came out of Carl’s mouth, understanding how they might have dampened his spirit coming from his dad of all people. Then he put a hand on his head, kissing his hair.

‘Let’s get you in a bath, darling.’ He hummed, shifting them both a bit so he could pick Carl up in his arms and carrying him through to the bathroom.

The teen was completely silent while Negan turned on the hot water and added some scented bullshit he’d found for him while on a supply run, only making a little noise of acknowledgement when Negan approached him and got on his knees to help Carl out of his soiled shorts.

Once he was stripped of his remaining clothes, Negan carried him again and lowered him gently into the bathtub, watching as his slim body seemed to relax in the warmth of the tub. His shoulders sagged and his eye drooped in the relaxation of it all, and it made Negan smile one of those rare smiles that were reserved for Carl’s eyes only.

‘Feeling better, little lamb?’

‘Feeling numb, but the warmth helps.’

Negan nodded with a sigh, sitting behind him on the toilet and carding his fingers through his hair with gentle strokes.

‘I’m glad it’s helping a little.’

He got a comb and started brushing through the brown waves falling down Carl’s back, the bathroom fading into quiet and the air filling with the floral scent of whatever bath oil Negan had poured into the water. With every stroke through Carl’s hair with the comb, the older man was sure he heard a purr emit from the teen’s lips, making him sound like a content kitten.

The sound made Negan chuckle, and he pointed it out to Carl who had shut his eye already, basking in the hot relaxation of his bath.

‘You sound comfortable.’

‘I am comfortable.’

Negan nodded, continuing to work the comb through his hair and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

‘Do you feel any better?’

‘No. One of your guys seemed pretty intent on assaulting me downstairs.’

Negan’s eyes widened at the casual statement. Carl had said it so easily, in such a blank voice, that Negan wasn’t even sure he heard him right. He was now scared that Carl had actually been hurt by whatever asshole he was talking about, and wondered if that was why he was being so quiet. Fucking hell, what if Carl had been raped downstairs and Negan just let him go into the jaws of hell? The thought made him shiver, gritting his teeth in an attempt at keeping his anger at the accused Saviour inside before he managed to croak out the teen’s name.

‘Carl-’

‘It’s okay, I killed him before he could.’

Oh. Well thank fuck for that, but the ease with which Carl admitted committing murder set him on edge too. Just how dark was the teen becoming…


	23. 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick trigger warning:
> 
> It's not detailed but Carl does suffer from some anorexia-related thoughts in this chapter. His struggle with the condition will be referenced and expanded on throughout the rest of the story, but this is the first mention.

Negan leaned against the wall as Rick slept on the doctor’s bed in front of him. His face was cut multiple times from Carl’s fists, his nose smashed even more with a crack through his cheekbone according to the ultrasound machine Doc had used to check him over. He was beaten and battered at the hands of his son, still breathing but he looked like a broken man laying there, dried blood covering a minority of his face.

Doc had cleaned him up for the most part and stitched the cuts, taping a few squares of gauze over the wounds, but even after an hour-long surgery to realign the fractured bones in his nose, Rick was still a wreck.

The Saviour wasn’t sure how to feel about it. On the one hand, he despised the man for calling his precious little lamb a whore, but he also knew that Carl wasn’t innocent in all of this. He’d killed one of his men, albeit with perfectly good reason, and beat his father half to death with the intention to kill him.

Rick had been unconscious for nineteen hours now since the incident. Doc had taken care of all his injuries and made him comfortable with the little pain medication that Negan would allow. It was enough so his body wouldn’t go into shock and die, but he’d still feel the beating Carl gave him. Negan wanted him to feel how upset his son was, to learn what he said to him was wrong. He wanted him to look in the mirror and see those scars every day, to remind him of the hurt he caused the teen.

Carl had come around from his killing high two hours after waking the next day, and Negan sat witness on the bed beside him as his face crumpled and he realised that he’d almost been raped, that his dad had called him a whore, and that he almost killed the man who gave him life.

All the kid’s conflicting emotions came out in a flood of tears, his face flushed red as he cried into the sleeves of Negan’s green hoodie, waves of brown hair falling in front of his face. He was shaking, shoulders trembling with the effort of letting all his feelings out, and it broke the older man’s heart.

‘It’s okay, little lamb. Let it out.’ He sighed, letting the teen bury himself in the Saviour’s chest and holding him tightly.

Carl had cried for what felt like a lifetime, fingers digging into Negan’s bare chest as he soaked his skin in the salty sadness. The soul-destroying noise only stopped when the teen cried so much that he passed out, body falling limp in Negan’s arms and slow puffs of breath spreading on his neck as the boy fell asleep.

Waiting until the kid’s entire body relaxed on him, Negan tucked Carl in under their shared bedsheets, brushing his hair away from his face and wiping away the stray teardrops on his cheek.

‘I love you, darling.’ He whispered despite the teen being unconscious, kissing his forehead before grabbing a pen and paper.

Once his note was written down, he left the room as quietly as he could, clicking the door shut and then heading out into the courtyard, needing to talk to what remained of his guards about the dwindling numbers situation.

When Carl woke up from his nap of exhaustion a little while after Negan left the room, it was still light outside. He yawned, wondering what time it was, and slowly rose from the bed, rubbing his eye. Negan wasn’t there anymore, the space on the bed beside him empty of any warm body he could cuddle into for comfort.

It left him feeling cold, the chill of the room reaching his skin and the bones underneath, as he remembered what happened the day before. The creeping, sticky wet texture of blood on his hands and face followed him, prickling his senses, and causing a shiver to run through his body. He tried to suppress it, curling his arms around his waist, and got out of bed to find clean bottoms.

He was still sleeping in his underwear at the Sanctuary, a habit Negan had given him that he had never really gotten out of. It was a way to remember he was safe there, on the fifth floor of a steel building, with stairs between him and the walkers on the ground. He didn’t need to sleep in full battle gear, he didn’t need a gun under his pillow, he didn’t need his knife on the dresser. The safety made him feel warmer too, giving him a soft, melting feeling in his chest that reminded of home. That’s what the Sanctuary was now, and the bedroom he was sitting in. He was home.

Distracting himself from sappy emotions about how comfortable he was in Negan’s bed, Carl shuffled to the dresser full of his and his boyfriend’s clothes, pulling out a fresh pair of skinny jeans. He hadn’t liked the tight trousers at first, feeling like they were too revealing when Negan got them for him, but his older lover had quickly erased those fears.

_‘Kid, I grabbed you some new shit today in the shopping mall! Come see if they fit, I’ll chuck them in the community collection if they don’t.’ Negan called through into the bathroom as Carl brushed his teeth, making the teen jump out of his skin._

_He hadn’t even realised Negan was home yet, humming to himself too loud to hear the door clicking open. He spat his mouthful of toothpaste into the sink and wiped his mouth before padding through on bare feet to the bedroom._

_The older man was sitting there with three pairs of denim jeans, all different shades of blue, and all a lot thinner looking than the trousers Carl was used to._

_That made him shake his head immediately at the sight of the new clothes._

_‘No way. They won’t fit.’_

_‘They’re the same size as the ones you wear already, kiddo, of course, they’ll fit.’_

_Carl just shook his head again, going back into the bathroom to pee and leaving the door open for Negan to talk._

_‘Baby, at least try them on. You might like them.’_

_‘They’ll be too tight.’ The teen argued, tugging his underwear down and pissing into the toilet._

_A deep chuckle reached his ears from the bedroom, the sound still managing to send shivers down his spine as he peed._

_‘They’re meant to be tight, darling. They’re called skinny jeans for a reason.’_

_‘I don’t like tight clothes.’ Carl huffed, finishing with the toilet, and tucking himself back into his boxers, wandering through to find Negan holding up the jeans_   
_to show him the length._

_‘Come on, Carl, you’ll like them. You liked the shorts, didn’t you?’ He grinned, ivory teeth glimmering under the light from the window._

_The teen crossed his arms, glaring at the denim trousers and his boyfriend for a moment before snatching them out of his hands, sitting down on the bed and tugging them over his legs. Once he’d pulled them up and buttoned the waist, he looked down, grimacing at how visible the fat on his thighs was under the tight fabric._

_He’d never wanted to show off his legs, always feeling like no matter how little rations he ate, the blubber on his thighs never went away. It had started stressing him out when he was fifteen, and only got worse from there, so he always wore baggy trousers. The only exception was the shorts because at_   
_least he could hide his thighs under Negan’s hoodies._

_‘They look brilliant on you, darling.’ His boyfriend’s arms found his waist and Carl hesitated a little, taking a minute to calm down about the image of his thighs before accepting that Negan loved them._

_Negan loved every inch of Carl; he’d made that much clear. He had to keep remembering that._

_‘Thanks, Neeg…’ He finally murmured into the quiet of the room, hugging Negan’s arms that circled him._

Once he was dressed up and decent to go outside, Carl headed out of the bedroom, locking it behind him just in case.

‘Afternoon.’ The guard posted outside of their room tipped his hat to him, making him frown somewhat.

Since when did the guards say hi to him…

Brushing it off, he smiled at the man he knew as Adrian, giving him a shy wave before wandering downstairs. The hub was lively that day, lots of Saviours bustling around and laughing with each other. It was comforting, Carl thought, much more social than Alexandria had been. He liked that.

‘Scarface, heads up!’ He whipped around to see an apple flying at his head, managing to catch it just in time and smiling at Daniel and Ada when they approached him from the other side of the hall, another apple in Daniel’s hand.

‘Are we throwing apples at each other to communicate now?’ He smiled gently at the other boy who just grinned at him, biting into the fruit he was holding and wiping his mouth on the back of his sleeve.

‘We thought we’d catch up with you. You’ve been stuck up in that room with Negan for almost twenty-four hours.’ Ada teased as they started wandering outside of the main building.

The sun was shining outside, warm and comforting on his pale skin, the only clouds at least a mile away. After a few days of rain, Carl was glad to finally get some sunlight. The three friends walked along the courtyard, each with an apple in their hand as they went. Ada didn’t talk about Carl’s dad, which he was grateful for, and Daniel filled him in on the new soup recipes Rose was teaching him, along with updating him on a new love interest on the security team.

‘Do you fanboy over all of those guys? Some of them aren’t even that hot.’

‘Rory is! And Zero.’ Daniel signed, gushing over the older man with brown hair that Carl had only ever met once.

Carl rolled his eyes, smiling at his shorter friend’s hopeless romantic attitude, before staring ahead of them to the outer fence, trying to find Negan with the security team members that were gathered in a group. It took him a moment but then he spotted him.

His whole body went ice cold despite the heat around him. Negan was kissing a woman he didn’t know.

‘No.’ He whispered into the space around him, barely feeling the grip on his arm when Daniel tried to stop him from storming over.

It was like the moment he beat his dad up all over again. His vision went red with anger, lip twitching with the effort to keep his rage inside. He wasn’t sure what he would do when he got to the kissing pair, but he was sure that he wanted that bitch dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps,
> 
> Got some dramaaaaa at the end there...
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Remember to check out Tumblr @crystallinecrimsonmoth for updates and picture references xx


	24. 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all,
> 
> Enjoy the chapter and remember to check out Tumblr @crystallinecrimsonmoth for updates ^^

‘Carl! Don’t!’

The teenager barely heard his friends in the background as he continued storming across the courtyard, tears welling in his one blue eye against his will and making the figures in front of him blurry.

Negan was still kissing that woman, that damn beautiful woman. So much prettier than him, and Negan had his lips on her. Carl couldn’t handle it.

As he wiped his eye to focus, he clocked the moment Negan realised he’d seen them kissing. As easily as he was licking into her mouth seconds before, the Saviour pushed the woman away and held his arms out in front of him, clearly trying to stop whatever Carl was about to do.

The younger man kept stalking up to him until he reached his chest, smacking him across the face like he’d done the day he came home late, but this hit had a lot more intense anger. Tears were streaming down his face, his blue eye red and sore from the emotion as his mind shattered at the thought of Negan with someone else.

‘I gave you everything! Every part of myself, it was all yours. You were my safety net, Negan, so why are you kissing her? Why did you say you love me if you were going to do this?! Was I a fucking toy to trick into loving you and then leave in the dirt?!’ He yelled, angry, shoving the man away when he tried to hold him.

‘No, Carl, I didn’t kiss her!’

‘I fucking saw you!’

‘She kissed me! I would never do that to you, little lamb, please believe me.’ Negan pleaded, but Carl couldn’t trust the hurt in his voice.

It could just be another trick, another way to hurt him, another way to break his fucking heart. He stiffened when his boyfriend reached a hand out towards his cheek, shaking his head.

‘I trusted you.’

‘You can still trust me, Carl.’

‘No. No, I’m sleeping in Ada and Daniel’s room tonight. I’m going back home with my dad in the morning.’ He replied, his voice void of any revealing emotion as he stalked back over to his friends, hearing Negan’s footsteps follow him.

‘You are home, Carl, you’ve been home for months!’

The teen whipped around when the man said that, tears still falling from his eye.

‘This isn’t my fucking home. It’s the place where you tricked me, where you took advantage of my feelings, where you kissed that woman! You never even loved me, Negan, I was just a game!’

‘That’s not true and you know it!’ The Saviour argued back but Carl was already shaking his head, turning away from him.

‘I don’t know that anymore. We’re done, Negan.’

‘Carl, stop-’

The teen slipped the knife out of his belt when Negan touched his arm in an attempt to grab him, cutting into the leather of his jacket and snarling like a wild dog when he didn’t catch skin and blood.

‘Piss off.’ Was all he said before following Ada and Daniel, dragging them both back to the room so he didn’t have to see the Saviour’s face anymore.

An hour before dinner was set to be served out amongst the Saviours, Carl found himself hovering by the bars of his dad’s cell, watching him eat the scraps he was given as a prisoner.

He looked much better than he had when the teen smacked the hell out of him, the gauze from earlier replaced with stitches and swollen skin. One eye was swollen shut, which Carl honestly expected after his nose had been broken so many times, and his arm was still wrapped in a bandage where the gunshot lay underneath, but he looked better, nonetheless.

The younger Grimes watched from the side-lines for at least five minutes before he felt tears welling in his eye. He loved his dad so much and he’d betrayed him for a man who didn’t even care about him, who had used him, and now he had to ask for forgiveness so he could have a home again. He didn’t know how his dad could ever forgive him.

‘Are you going to talk or just stand there all night?’

Carl froze when his dad spoke, and the cold tone of his voice had him crying like he hadn’t done since he was a boy.

‘Carl? Carl, what happened?’ As quickly as Carl had broken into tears, his dad’s voice had softened and he’d set his food down, going to the cell bars to comfort his son.

The teen shook as he opened the door to his dad’s cell, burying himself in his arms as soon as he was able and sobbing his emotions into the man’s shoulder.

Rick’s arms found his son’s waist immediately, one hand coming up to rub his back as he cried. It broke his heart to see his boy cry, all his resentment for his love interests flying out of the window at the sight of tears running down the eighteen-year-old’s face.

They stood there for a while, Carl wrapped up in his dad’s arms like a little kid again, before he finally had the breath to speak and tell Rick what was going on. The two of them sat down on the thin bed of the cell, the teen’s words turning into hiccups with every few breaths.

‘What happened, Carl?’

‘He was kissing some other woman, and he tried to lie and say he didn’t want her, but he was clearly enjoying kissing her. He was just playing with me, dad, he lied-’ He cut himself off with another sob, his heart so utterly broken at the betrayal of the one person he thought he could trust completely.

He’d cracked his heart open and surrendered it to Negan, and the man just shattered it like glass. It made him want to cry until there was nothing left, just anger, and he was getting close. He could still feel Rick’s arm against the back of his neck, holding him close as Carl cried, and he let himself smile just a little.

‘I want to go home with you. Please, dad, I can’t stay here.’ He whimpered into the man’s shoulder who nodded, rubbing his back.

'I’m free to leave when I’m healthy so we’ll go tomorrow. You should get some sleep until then, be with your friends.’ His dad shushed his sobs by stroking through his now longer hair, letting his son take a breath against his shirt before he was pulling away, straightening his shirt, and nodding, wiping his eyes.

‘I’ll try to sleep. See you in the morning, dad.’ Carl gave him a weak smile, shrugging off his emotions easily in the next second so he could walk through the corridors of the Sanctuary without looking weak.

He held his head high as he passed by a few guards, listening to their whispers about what had happened in the courtyard earlier in the day and doing his best to hide his emotions. Walking through the community hub to get to Ada and Daniel’s shared room, he glanced up at the fifth floor, surprised to lock eyes with Negan who was looking down on his people.

The older man’s face gave nothing away, his lips set into a straight line of disinterest as he stared back at Carl, making the teen harden more than he already had. If Negan had ever actually cared, he would look to be in a lot more pain, but he was completely stoic. No asshole grins, no frowns, nothing.  
The two of them stared at each other for a moment before Carl gave him the middle finger, stalking off back to his temporary bedroom.

Negan watched the younger man walk away with pain in his eyes.

He didn’t think anything had ever hurt as much as that hard expression on Carl’s face, the way he didn’t even flinch at the sight of him. Flipping him a bird was something the teen had done so many times, but it wasn’t affectionate now.

Carl was likely to go back with his dad and leave the Sanctuary behind, and Negan couldn’t even blame him after what he’d seen the man doing. He hated that woman, that stupid bitch of a wife who thought Carl wasn’t good enough for him. He hated her so much, because he wanted Carl Grimes, he was so fucking in love with that one-eyed fucker that now his heart was freezing at the thought of a life without him.

He waited until the teen had disappeared from the hub before he headed downstairs, going to the prison cells. He was angry, he was upset, and he needed to beat someone’s brain to fucking mush.

Storming through the hallway, he eyed every prisoner, his dark gaze sending most of them to the back of their cells, cowering like pathetic little bastards. Negan couldn’t even find it funny anymore. It should be funny, their fear should be fucking hilarious, but all he wants is to let out his frustration. 

The Saviour wanted to scream; a feeling he hadn’t had since Lucille died. Carl wasn’t even dead, it shouldn’t hurt that much, but it did. He was leaving, and there was nothing Negan could do short of shooting Rick in the head. He couldn’t do that, and he knew it, and Rick knew it too.

‘Glad he finally saw sense.’

Smug bastard.

Negan spun around to face Rick’s cell with a fake grin plastered on his face, wandering up to the bars.

‘I could kill you right now. Right where you fucking stand. You’re in my cage and you think it’s a good idea to piss me off?’

Rick’s face didn’t change once as they faced each other. With his eye swollen shut, he resembled his son in a way that unsettled Negan’s stomach, forcing him to remember where Carl came from and who was about to take him away.

‘You can’t kill me; Carl wouldn’t forgive you for that.’

‘And don’t you know it! Smug isn’t a good look on you, Grimes. Just…’

Negan looked around the prison hallway, his heart in his throat as he realised he was standing there for the wrong reasons. No one deserved to die because he was heartbroken. His shoulders sagged.

He really was defeated without Carl.

‘Just don’t let him get hurt.’ He said, face stoic, then walked back to his room in silence.

He had to fix it. He would fix it. He’d die before letting that asshole win Carl’s trust above him.


	25. 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyy
> 
> Yeah, I updated this instead of Burnt Cookies, I wanted the break-up to be over sooner, sue me ^^
> 
> Enjoy as always and check out Tumblr @crystallinecrimsonmoth xx

‘Ready to go?’

Carl heard his dad speak from behind him, his accent nowhere near as comforting as it used to be, and not comforting at all compared to Negan’s. He was staring at the walkie talkie and eyepatch sitting on the bunk bed he had spent the night in.

He’d woken to the sight of the items at the foot of his bed, a note scrawled on paper tucked under them:

_I know you hate me right now, darling, but you also know I’m telling the truth. She forced that kiss on me, Carl, I only love you. You need to hate me for a little bit, I get that, but I’ll come for you in two weeks to bring you back home if you want to come back with me. I know your dad is taking you to Hilltop, so I’ll see you there. I love you, my sapphire, I’ll see you in two weeks xx_

He didn’t know what to think about the note, but everything in it was true. He’d spent the whole night lying with his face to the ceiling, thinking about the way Negan pleaded with him to listen. He had slowly realised through the night that the man was right, he hadn’t been kissing that woman deliberately. Carl’s mind was playing tricks on him, making him see things that weren’t there, and only through Negan’s calm words had he been able to come back to reality.

It seemed like that was happening a lot lately.

Two weeks wasn’t a long time in perspective. He could go home, spend time with his dad and Judith, then come home to Negan’s stupidly handsome face, or decide what side he wanted to be on.

Carl had no idea if his dad had learned his lesson yet, but he knew the older Grimes wouldn’t win. Negan had an army twice as large as his, most trained in combat, and he had a system. The Sanctuary wasn’t a bunch of odd jigsaw pieces stuck on wrong ends – everything was shaped a particular way to lock in perfectly with the next piece.

‘Remember to cover your eye, Carl.’

The teen heard his dad’s voice again and nodded, folding Negan’s note and slipping it into his jeans pocket. He stuffed the walkie talkie into his bag before going to the mirror, securing the eyepatch onto his head, and staring back at the reflection of someone who was hiding.

Having a cover on his socket felt abnormal now, like he was a different person with it on, and he knew that was true. With the patch, he was an Alexandrian, afraid of the world’s opinion of him when the only opinion he should care about was his own. Negan had taught him to be okay with the scar, to embrace it, and his dad wanted it hidden.

He wanted to hide Carl’s pain, maybe he wanted to erase the idea of his son ever being injured because of his actions. It was his fault that the teen had one eye, his fault that he had a gaping hole in his face where the other half of his vision should be. Rick thought it showed nothing about Carl, that it didn’t define him, but Negan thought it was beautiful, that it showed his strength, showed the sacrifice he had made in his short life full of death.

The young man knew who was right, but for now, he would keep the patch to make Rick happy. When the time came to go back to Negan, making his dad happy would be an impossible task, so he felt obligated to indulge the man for as long as he could.

‘Ready.’ He smiled at him, letting his dad pet his hair as they left the room and headed out onto the courtyard.

Having already said goodbye to his friends the night before, he simply followed his dad out of the Sanctuary gates, not bothering to spare a glance at the factory since it would make him look suspicious to his father. He just kept walking, trying his best to look glad that he had left the one place that had made him feel complete safety.

Five miles outside of the Sanctuary, a car had appeared in the distance to pick the two of them up, Maggie in the driver’s seat. Carl had hesitated to get in, unsure of what Rick told her and what that might have made her think, but he was hugged tightly, nonetheless. He loved Negan like Maggie had loved Glenn, and that didn’t make it any easier to talk to the woman that his boyfriend widowed.

They arrived back at Hilltop half a day later after a non-stop journey, the light from the sky dissipated as they reached the gates.

‘Carl!’

‘Enid?’

Carl barely had time to breathe before the shorter girl was wrapped around his chest, a smile on her face as she hugged him. It made the teen freeze at first, knowing his relationship with her had effectively been wiped out of existence the moment he kissed Negan, but he managed to relax enough to hug back, waiting until she had let go before he walked quickly to Michonne, hugging her tightly.

‘Stupid boy, I thought you were dead.’ The woman sighed as she squeezed her arms around him, kissing his forehead when they finally pulled apart.

‘I thought you were dead too, we’re even.’

‘Who made that?’ Her attention was drawn to the patch covering his eye socket and Carl couldn’t help but flinch at the question.

He didn’t lie though, knowing his dad would tell her about where he found him anyway.

‘Negan got one of his people to make it for me. It’s comfortable, less scratchy than the bandage.” He expressed, trying to sound believable.

Of course, he did like the eyepatch. He loved it, it was just his style and Negan made it for him before they even became a couple, but he had found that he much preferred having his socket bare to the world. He wanted to expose the scar, let everyone see his strength, that he was a survivor, but his dad wouldn’t like that. Two weeks with the patch on wouldn’t hurt his pride much, at least he hoped not.

His next concern was brought to a head when Michonne started leading him into the house they’d settled into, his one blue eye flickering around the living room to search for any sign of his little sister’s presence. When he didn’t find anything belonging to her, his heart sank and he turned to see Rick in the doorway now, his eye steady as he looked back at his son.

‘She’s dead because of you.’

‘She’s dead because Negan bombed the settlement-’

‘-that’s bullshit! Don’t blame him for your own fucking failures, you dragged everyone into a war you can’t win and you got your own fucking daughter killed! Do you even give a shit? When I was on my knees and Negan said he was going to kill me, did you give a single shit?!’

‘Carl!’

‘She’s dead, Michonne. Judith’s dead and you’re going to tell me to be polite to the man that caused it? Fuck you, Rick.’ Carl hissed at his dad who stood there half in shock as the teen stormed up the stairs and slammed the door shut behind him as he entered the spare room.

The young brunette dropped to his knees once he was alone, burying his face in the carpet and screaming out his anger. His little sister, only nineteen fucking months old, had been ripped from him. He’d tried so hard to protect her, to help her survive in the already dead world, and it had been for nothing.

‘Fuck!’ He couldn’t help but yell out into the empty air, climbing up onto the bed and taking out his walkie talkie, staring at it.

He wouldn’t, couldn’t call Negan yet. He needed the time away from his lover, he knew it would be good for them both after the kissing incident, but fuck. All he wanted at that moment was to curl up on the man’s lap and cry his eyes out into his arms.

Leaving the walkie abandoned on the other pillow, he shut his eye, sighing out a heavy breath. He needed sleep. He needed to sleep it all off and try to think clearly again.

Two weeks later, in a haze still over his sister’s death and the new community around him, Carl barely noticed the crackling of his walkie talkie hanging from his belt as he made breakfast. It took him a moment, his mind slowly coming around to what the crackling sound meant, and then it hit him.

The spatula dropped from his hand onto the eggs in the pan and he lifted the walkie as fast as he could move, focusing the radio channel until he could hear Negan’s voice coming over the connection.

‘You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey!’ His growly voice sang at the top of his lungs, and a wide smile spread on Carl’s face.


	26. 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, y'all!
> 
> Hope you enjoy, I love you all xx
> 
> Please check out my Tumblr @crystallinecrimsonmoth for updates and various other things :3

As soon as Negan’s voice came over the walkie, Carl abandoned the eggs he was frying, trying his best to be light-footed as he leapt up the stairs to pack his bag.

He wouldn’t be coming back after this, not in any familial capacity, so he knew to pack the remainder of his clothes from the wardrobe and his notebooks and comic books too. He was halfway through packing his bag when he heard his dad’s voice from down the hall, his tone gruff from having just woken up.

‘Carl! Are you awake? Your gauze was in the bathroom, you need to remember to put it on!’ He called through, making the teen cringe.

He fucking hated that damn bandage. If he had to cover his eye, he wanted his leather patch back, but his dad had hidden that after Carl fell asleep the first night, pretending like he had no idea what happened to it whenever his son asked for it back. It was frustrating, how much Rick wanted to force him into, and the removal of one of the only things he had with him from the Sanctuary just made the teen all the more certain that he did not want to be at Hilltop. It wasn’t home, it wasn’t safe, it didn’t have a fireplace to keep him warm at night. He wanted to go back to the safety of Negan’s bedroom, their bedroom, where he didn’t have to worry about walkers breaking in during the night.

Reluctantly putting his bag in the wardrobe for the moment, Carl stuck his head out of the door and into the hallway, managing a meaningless smile for his dad.

‘Sorry, I must have left it in there when I went to bed last night. There are eggs downstairs if you want them.’ He told the man in the kindest voice he could muster, glad when Rick just shrugged and handed him the gauze, wandering downstairs to the kitchen.

Carl didn’t know how long he had until Negan arrived to take him home, but his bag was packed, so he snuck down the hallway to his dad’s room, peeking in and letting out a breath of relief when he found it empty. Michonne must have left earlier in the morning to go hunting, much to his advantage, so he was able to slip into the room.

He searched every drawer and crevice of their bedroom, coming upon nothing before he slid his hand along the top shelf of the wardrobe, finally feeling the leather strap of his beloved gift from Negan and snatching it, stuffing it in his pocket so his dad didn’t know he had it. Once he snuck back out of the room and into his own, he looked out of the window, his eye brightening at the sight of two large black trucks trundling their way up the road to the Hilltop gates.  
Negan.

Carl didn’t go at first, waiting until the trucks had been let into the settlement and Negan stepped out to greet everybody, then he ran downstairs with his bag around his shoulder. Stepping out the door, he finally realised it was raining, but he didn’t care in the slightest, continuing to run until he could leap into Negan’s arms.

He didn’t wait for his dad to catch up to him, not caring what he would say about the hug or his relationship or any of it. He just latched onto Negan tightly, almost tackling him to the ground with how hard he barrelled into his arms. The older Saviour hugged back just as tightly, burying his nose in the teen’s hair, and for a moment Carl forgot where they were, completely focused on the man he had wrapped himself around.

Then Rick’s voice reached his ears.

‘Get off of him, Carl.’

‘Hey, Rick. Your face looks better.’ He listened to Negan’s retort and couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped him as he climbed down from his tree of a boyfriend, turning around to face the Hilltop community who all looked equally terrified and pissed off at him and Negan.

Carl felt the older man’s hand on his waist, thumbing little circles onto his skin, but it didn’t serve to relax him much as his dad glared at the two of them.

‘Is it just me, or do they suddenly not like you very much?’ The Saviour’s low voice murmured in his ear while the teen looked around at everybody, seeing the anger on their faces.

Carl nodded, backing up a few steps as his dad spoke to Negan.

‘Get your shit and leave. Carl, get away from him, you’re not going back there.’ Rick insisted, making the young man frown and step closer to Negan.

‘I’m not staying here.’

‘Carl-’

‘No! I’m not a kid anymore, you can’t pretend that everything’s okay to trick me, you can’t control me!’ The younger Grimes shouted, his frustration building again as he glared at the man, feeling Negan’s hand leave his waist.

The Saviour knew he could fight his own battles, something his dad didn’t seem to understand yet, or maybe he just didn’t want to accept the truth. Carl had a feeling it was the latter. Rick just shook his head, running a hand through his now shorter hair.

‘I’m your father, I’ll do as I damn well please. You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said since you got here, you never wear the goddamn bandage when you go outside even though your scar scares the locals-’

‘Well how about I carve out your goddamn eye and force you to wear an irritating gauze patch over the scar, we’ll see how long you fucking last!’

The air around them went quiet and still at Carl’s retort, everyone surrounding the father and son holding their breath to see what would happen next. Rick didn’t look fazed, his half-swollen gaze staring daggers into the teen.

‘The scar shows nothing about you, Carl, it’s better to keep it covered.’

‘That’s bullshit.’ Carl winced when Negan jumped in, not wanting anything to set off from the argument between him and his dad.

But Negan seemed determined as he stepped up beside him, pointing Lucille in Rick’s direction.

‘That gape in his face proves he’s fucking tough. Tougher than you, the man who caused it, and tougher than me, the guy who encourages him not to wear the bandage. You’re the fucking reason he doesn’t have half his vision and you want to stand there, hard as fucking nails, and tell him to hide the evidence of your failure? Fuck you, Rick, he deserves to show that shit to the world.’ The man growled, criticising Rick for hiding his son away.

Carl knew that his dad was wrong. He had been hiding the scar on the teen’s face since it happened, convincing him that it was dangerous to keep it out in the open, that bacteria would get into the wound if he didn’t cover it up, and although that had been true in the beginning, the injury had long since healed.  
Now, Rick was just hiding from the truth. He ruined his son’s face. He didn’t pull the trigger, but the shot was meant for him.

The man seemed to choose to ignore Negan’s words, simply turning to his son again and reaching a hand out to him.

‘Come on, Carl, you’re safe here. Look how far we’ve come; you don’t need to go with him to survive anymore. You could be a kid here.’ He smiled at him, making Carl wince and step back again.

‘I stopped being a kid the moment this all started, Rick. I belong in the Sanctuary.’

Rick looked defeated at his words, and the teen thought maybe he’d finally let him go with Negan willingly, watching his shoulders sag.

‘I guess I didn’t win you back, then. Go with-’

‘Get the fuck out of our town!’

Everyone’s gaze turned in the direction of a female voice, finding Maggie at the other end of it with a pistol in her hand aimed at Negan’s skull.

Carl reacted on pure instinct, barely realising who was pointing the gun before he had grabbed Negan’s from his belt and pressed the barrel to Maggie’s forehead. No one moved or breathed as the two stood in a time freeze, faces blank and emotionless as they pointed pistols at their targets, determined to shoot.

‘Drop the fucking gun.’

‘You betrayed us. He killed Glenn, Carl, he killed Glenn and he killed Abraham, and you’re standing by his side, criticising your own father who has done so much for years to protect you.’

Carl didn’t respond to her hateful remarks. He didn’t care anymore. His dad had protected him to protect himself, he’d dragged the group into a war they couldn’t win. He killed Judith. Rick didn’t deserve any of his fucking forgiveness, and Negan didn’t deserve to be blamed for defending his people. He wouldn’t let Maggie kill the man for Rick’s mistakes.

‘Drop the fucking gun or I’ll blow your brains out of your skull.’

Everyone around them looked horrified at Carl’s cold tone, even Rick, but Maggie stayed steady with her gun still aimed for Negan’s head.

‘You wouldn’t shoot a pregnant woman, Carl.’

‘I’d do anything to protect him. You would have done the same for Glenn, so you know exactly how serious I am.’ Carl replied, cocking his pistol so it was ready to shoot.

They were at a standstill, breathing each other’s air, and then Maggie fired. Carl’s eyes widened at the sound of the bullet whizzing through the air and he whipped around to see if it hit Negan. His heart was in his throat, head pounding until he saw that the bullet had taken down one of the security team instead.

The teen didn’t waste any time after that, shooting into the crowd of Hilltop members and catching one in the head.

‘A life for a life.’ He told Maggie simply, looking back to see who the security guy was and grimacing at the sight of Peter’s face staring back at him, eyes dead.

He turned to Maggie again, face devoid of any emotion.

‘He had a kid. Four years old. Her name’s Katie.’ He told her, piling on the guilt to make it worse before gesturing to the other security guys.

‘Take their weapons. Leave them with enough to defend themselves on supply runs, no more.’ He ordered the remaining three, still pointing his gun at the other Hilltop residents.

Negan was watching him with a smirk, he could feel it on the back of his skull, and he couldn’t help the flush that spread on his face from the pride in the man’s gaze. Everything was deadly quiet now, most residents backing away to go back to their jobs, and a few dragged their dead friend away from the crowd. The others looked terrified.

Like it should be, Carl thought to himself, keeping his gun pointed at them all as he waited for the security team to seize weapons and the rest of their half of the supplies.

‘I’m so proud of you.’ The teen heard Negan’s deep tone of voice hum in his ear, turning to find the man by his side.

Carl didn’t hesitate to grin at the praise, kissing his boyfriend when he leaned down to him while keeping his eye on the Hilltop people, focusing on his dad to prove a point to him. Rick looked like he was in pain as he watched them kiss, but Carl didn’t care anymore.

When he pulled away from Negan’s lips, his face spread into a bright smile at the sight of the man holding out his leather jacket to him. He took the item of clothing with ease, pulling it on and relishing in the scent it gave off.

He finally felt safe after two weeks without his older boyfriend, the smell of his cologne reminding him of home. He loved the jacket around his shoulders so much, not even bothered by the way it swamped his smaller body anymore. It wasn’t Negan, but it was damn close.

Once everything was packed up in the trucks, he kept Negan’s gun pointed at Rick as he approached him, his face emotionless.

‘I’ll be back in two weeks for the next lot of supplies. Hopefully, you find some more of that lemonade powder. Negan loves it, god knows why. Bye, Rick.’ He gave his dad a tight smile, tapping the barrel of his gun on the man’s chest before wandering away to the trucks, getting in beside Negan at the front of the biggest one.

‘You did well.’

‘I know.’ Carl smiled at the other, bringing his knees up to his chest as Negan started driving back to the Sanctuary.

By the time they all got back to the Sanctuary, the sky was black. Negan switched off the truck with a sigh and looked over at Carl, finding the teen fast asleep, his head leaned against the window. It made the man smile. Carl looked like an angel in his sleep, all his darkness dissipated by dreams and exhaustion. He was a demon dressed as an angel, for sure.

The older Saviour sighed, getting out of the truck, and letting his men take care of moving the supplies inside, picking Carl up and carrying him up to bed, doing his best not to disturb him.


	27. 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Cegan peeps!
> 
> Here's your new update ^^
> 
> Enjoy xx
> 
> Remember to check out Tumblr @crystallinecrimsonmoth :3

Carl woke up the next day with a pounding headache, the stress of the day before taking a toll on his body and weakening his immune system, so he ended up with a cold from the rain. He hated that. Lifting his head slowly, he groaned, pressing his fingers to his eye and trying to focus on the sounds around him, zeroing in on Negan’s voice.

As he looked up, he saw the older Saviour sitting up beside him, a wet cloth in his hand that was frozen in place as he stared back at the teen.

'You’re awake.'

'Yeah…' Carl huffed out, trying to sit up and failing, his head hitting the pillow again.

'Ow…'

'Yeah, I think you caught a bug from the wet weather yesterday. You had chills last night.' Negan smiled sympathetically at him, reaching the cloth out to wipe the hair away from his lover’s eye.

The teen let out a faint groan of pain, curling up in a tighter ball.

'My head hurts, Neeg.'

Negan sighed, pressing a kiss to his warm forehead gently and stroking his cheek.

'I know, darling, I’m sorry. Rose is making you soup just now so you can put something in your stomach. That’s good, right?'

Carl just let a little grumble out, pushing at Negan’s hand when water dripped onto his nose.

'You’re getting me wet, quit it.' He huffed out, making the man chuckle and nod, squeezing the excess water from the cloth into a bucket he had beside him.

The teen watched him in the total silence of their bedroom, his head pounding more when he thought back to the day before.

Part of him wished he’d killed Maggie, just to prove who he was to his dad, but he didn’t know how far he wanted to wade into the swamp. Killing Maggie was one thing, but killing her and Glenn’s baby was another. It felt like he would be killing Judith, but she was already gone so would it really matter? Was it really worth letting another child live in the apocalypse? Should they not just let the human race go extinct so the world could start again?

He didn’t know what to think.

'How bad does your head feel?' Carl heard Negan’s voice through the haze of his sickness, and he cast his eye up to look at him, the light from the window shining into it and making his brain feel so much worse.

He looked down again quickly, covering his eye and trying to focus on something other than the pain.

'I really need some sunglasses.' He grumbled in a low tone, feeling fingers run through his hair which was sticky from the sweat of his chilled sleep.

'I’ll try and find you some, darling. Don’t go to sleep, though, I want you to eat first.' Negan insisted, petting his cheek as Carl acknowledged the blockage of his sinuses.

'Last time I had a cold, I was fucking fifteen, this isn’t fair.' He huffed, burying his face in the pillow underneath his head.

He heard Negan sigh, his hand moving to feel the boy’s forehead.

'You’re really warm, killer, I’ll soak the cloth again.' He hummed, getting up and taking the little black cloth to the bathroom.

Carl sighed into the pillow, rubbing his eye in an attempt to ease the pressure in his sinuses even though he knew it wouldn’t work. He’d always hated getting sick. It made him weak and unable to fight, and he slowed down the entire group whenever they had to move on from a temporary camp. Fighting off the dead with a stuffed nose was not a good way to survive.

He supposed now it wouldn’t be so bad. He doubted Negan would let him work while he was sick, he cared too much to do that.

And the prospect of lying in a warm, soft bed all day wasn’t a bad one. He might even get rid of the cold faster if he had a man taking care of him with cold cloths on his head and hot soup in his belly. If he could wrangle more hot chocolate out of him, it would be even better, but he knew that depended on how much they had.

'Oh fuck…' Carl groaned as the dull ache in his head got worse, burying his face deeper into his pillow and listening to Negan’s heavy, quick footsteps as the older man ran through to see what was wrong.

'What’s wrong? Do you feel sick? Are you too cold? I can make another fire if you want me too!' Negan reassured and his worried tone made Carl smile more than he had in years despite the throbbing of his skull.

He turned his face upright to look at the ceiling, finding that it eased the pain somewhat, then gestured to the curtains by their room’s window.

'Shut them, please.' He couldn’t help but whine and felt the urge to slap his boyfriend when he laughed at the pathetic noise.

'I think that’s the first time you’ve said please for something in all the months you’ve been here.'

'Jackass.' Carl huffed in response, covering his eye with his arm and turning his head in the other direction from the window.

Negan chuckled at his grumbled reply, shutting the curtains before coming back over to sit on the bed with him.

'Is that better?'

'Yes.' Carl spat, irritated by his own sickness.

He moved slowly but surely, wriggling until he could lay his head on Negan’s lap and cuddle into the man’s jeans, very close to his cock but not caring at all about sex at that moment. Clearly neither did his boyfriend, as nothing hardened under his cheek while he tucked his face into his crotch.

Taking a deep breath of the scent that was so distinctly Negan, he grumbled when it wasn’t as strong as it usually was, letting out a small whine.

'Your nose all stuffed up, bunny?' The man asked in a soft tone, his calloused fingers stroking through the teen’s long hair as he snuggled him.

Carl just nodded a little, not feeling well enough to lift his head, and let the older Saviour indulge him. He found himself feeling safer in Negan’s arms than he ever had in his dad’s, or anyone’s for that matter. The man had such a unique way of putting him at ease and soothing his body as honey did to his young throat before everything changed. The drifting thought of the amber syrup made Carl curious for just a moment about whether Negan had any in the Sanctuary, but he’d ask for that later.

Right now he just needed sleep, and he was so close to drifting off before a knock on the door made him flinch wide awake, his muscles aching when they tensed in response.

'Ow.'

'That’s your soup, bunny, I’ll let Rose in.'

The younger didn’t even nod, too sore to move, only able to listen as Negan got up to answer the door. The loss of his lap as a pillow made him more than a little uncomfortable, his head feeling as tense as his body while he cuddled into Negan’s actual pillow instead.

He liked Negan’s pillow more than his own if he was being honest. It smelled so intensely like the older man that it felt like a blanket wrapping around his mind, his security and health and happiness all depending on the man whose scent permeated the room and everything in it. His cologne, his sweat, his blood - everything was so Negan that Carl felt like he was on cloud nine-

'Baby, your soup’s here. I need you to sit up.'

'My head hurts too much to sit up, Negan.'

'But you need to eat, so sit up.' The older insisted again, setting the tray with the bowl of soup on it down on the bed before tucking his hands underneath Carl’s arms, helping him sit up into a better eating position.

The teen huffed, a little grumble escaping him before he sneezed into his hands, whining at the ache it caused in his skull. He just glared at the mucus layer on his palms before wiping them on his jeans.

'We’re in the middle of an apocalypse and I get a cold, how convenient.'

Negan laughed at his remark, stroking Carl’s hair back and using a hair tie to keep it away from his face and the soup.

'I feel like your hair’s getting longer.'

'Duh, asshole, that’s what hair does.'

'Hey, I’m helping you here. There’s no need for the insults.' Negan narrowed his eyes at him somewhat, but they only widened when he saw a few tears drip onto Carl’s wrist as he looked down at his lap.

'Sorry-' His reply was choked like he really meant it this time, and the sound made his older lover’s heart break.

Sitting down, the Saviour lifted Carl’s face gently, cupping his cheeks and wiping away the tears that were falling from his eye.

'Hey, what’s wrong, darling?' He asked, careful to keep his tone gentle when Carl finally focused on him.

'Judith’s dead.' Was all he managed to croak out, and Negan sighed, moving the soup off the bed so it didn’t spill and gathering the teen into his arms, letting him start to cry into the man’s shoulder.

He stroked up and down his frail back with soothing rubs, trying to shush his cries, but it seemed like an overflow of emotion was making its way out of the boy now. Negan assumed it was probably the sickness and coming home to the safety of the Sanctuary mixed together, his immune system giving into the stress and forcing him to cry it out for once.

The older man hated listening to Carl cry. The fact that he didn’t do it often just made the sound all the more harrowing because then he knew that Carl was truly upset about something. The pain he felt from his sister’s death was only doubled too, because he’d left her with his dad for so long - it didn’t even matter that he hadn’t known she was alive at the time. Negan knew that Carl blamed himself regardless of that.

Continuing to stroke up and down his back, the older Saviour kissed his forehead, humming and rocking back and forth with the teen in his lap, holding him as tight as he could to make him feel safe. Little sniffles escaped the younger as he buried his face in Negan’s shoulder, his cries continuing until there were no more tears to shed.

All his emotions had emptied onto the man’s shirt until Carl was fast asleep, breathing weakly against his neck. Negan sighed, looking down at the soup bowl sitting by his feet. He really wanted the kid to eat something, keep his fluids up, but the tired look on his face told him not to disturb his slumber. Another dark ring had formed around Carl’s eye, the lack of sleep during the night and his weakened immune system causing easier bruising on his skin, ad the red skin of his nose, while adorable, caused concern to blossom in Negan’s chest even more.

He didn’t want to lose the kid, and in such an unpredictable world, he couldn’t know what the short-term illness would do to him if he was exposed to the wrong weather or had an allergic reaction to something. He had to keep him inside where it was safe, upstairs where it was high, and in their bedroom where he could stay as warm as possible.

If anybody tried fighting them in the next few days, Negan was determined to kill them all just to let his little rabbit sleep.

Carl had settled himself into the crook of Negan’s neck at this point, his breathing abnormal from the stuffed nose but not worrying. The older man just held him close, lying down flat on the bed with the teen wrapped around his chest. He let the soup get cold, instead worrying about how he was going to continue to distract Carl from Judith’s death, and stroked through his brown waves as he slept.

'I’ll keep you safe, bunny. Your dad won’t get to you here.' He reassured, kissing his forehead with a sigh and relaxing with the young man fast asleep in his arms.


	28. 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter ^^
> 
> Remember to comment if you like and check out Tumblr@crystallinecrimsonmoth for updates ^^

It took a few days before Carl really started to feel better, and despite the fact that Negan had checked him for bites twenty times just in case his delirious mind was lying, he still sat on the bed beside him with his pistol on the nightstand, terrified that he might have to shoot the boy in the head.

For three days, he made hot drinks, gave him warm baths, rubbed his feet, and stroked his hair back, until eventually the stuffy feeling in the teen’s sinuses dissipated. Carl was thankful for it, but not as much as Negan, whose heart lifted at the disappearance of the bruising around his lover’s eye and the lack of redness around his nose. He was so glad to have the teen back to normal, thankful that he was still alive, never mind feeling better.

Which is why he’d snuck out on a supply run without Carl when he finally told him to piss off and stop babying him.

Dragging along Hunter, the poor security member that wasn’t on duty that day and had planned to take a long nap in his quarters, and Dwight, who had been more than happy to get Simon out of his hair for a while, Negan took a low-key car so Carl wouldn’t notice his disappearance being suspicious, and the three of them headed out to the closest town.

He had a plan… well, half of a plan. The older man knew he’d have to kill someone for it to work, dead or living depending on his choice, so he had his knife for stabbing and cutting, along with the machine guns of Hunter and Dwight, and he’d left Carl with Lucille in case he needed her. The bat would help to give his lover some more authority too, even though he didn’t really need it after the incident with Fry’s throat.

Leaving Carl to the brushing of his hair in the bathroom, Negan had snuck out without his leather jacket or Lucille, so he hoped he wouldn’t look suspicious, but after so many days of his constant checking on the teen, he wouldn’t blame him if he was willing to let the man drop dead in the middle of the road.

‘Rose, hey! Carl’s upstairs just now. Can you make sure he eats something while I’m out? I don’t want him to starve himself again.’ He sighed, smiling at Daniel who overheard him.

They all knew he was referring to the eating issues that Carl clearly had, but no one would say it out loud. The three of them along with Ada and Doc had been monitoring the progression of it in the past few weeks, documenting how much Carl ate each day before slowly introducing a feeding plan for him.

Carl had no idea it was happening, of course, because the one time Negan had brought up his potential eating disorder, the teen had elbowed him in the ribs and told him to go to hell. So they gradually put a little more on his plate each day until it was the correct portion for someone of his age and weight, and within a week, they had Carl eating what he should be without leaving anything on his plate.

They just hoped he never figured it out.

‘I’ll make sure he eats his lunch, don’t worry. Where are you off to?’ Rose raised an eyebrow at Negan, gesturing to Daniel to keep chopping vegetables while they spoke.

‘Keep going! You can chop and listen at the same time, Daniel!’ She scolded, hitting him with a kitchen towel as the teen nodded quickly, going back to focusing on the knife while still listening to their conversation.

Negan couldn’t help but laugh a little at the adoptive mother and son interaction that he’d just witnessed, before he went back to Rose’s question, staying quiet as he leaned in and replied in a hushed tone.

‘I’m going out to find a ring. I’m asking Carl to marry me.’ He whispered, grinning when Rose’s face went as red as her name and she hit him with the towel instead repeatedly.

‘Ow, what are you hitting me for?!’ He wailed, protecting his face with his hands in case she smacked him there too.

‘Marriage isn’t even a thing anymore! That boy might not even know what it means!’ She argued, smacking him one more time before Negan could reply.

‘He wasn’t that young when this started, he knows what marriage is! He knew his mum and dad were married!’

Rose narrowed her eyes at him, taking a deep breath at his reply before nodding and hitting him with the towel once more.

‘You better find him a nice ring!’

Negan let out a little laugh at her insistence and nodded, giving her a two-finger salute.

‘Will do, ma’am!’ He grinned before ruffling Daniel’s hair as he left the main building, heading to the old, battered car that Hunter and Dwight were leaning against.

‘Can’t we just take a better car, boss? He ain’t gonna suspect shit.’

‘I’m being cautious for a reason. If he doesn’t notice I’ve disappeared, he’s less likely to stress and get sick again. Trust me, Dwight, if we take a different car and he gets sick because he figured out we disappeared without him, the punishment will be on your head.’ Negan grinned at the blonde man, wrenching open the rusty car door and wincing at the creaking sound it made.

‘Get in, both of you. We obviously want to get back by dinner.’ He barked, getting into the driver’s seat and starting up the old bastard of a car.

It took them a half an hour drive to get to the town Negan wanted to search, where marvellous houses and fancy lawns yelled high-quality lifestyles. All three men stepped out into the fresh air and Negan actually smiled at the sight of walkers, pointing to them.

‘Check them, bring back what you find. I’ll look for the living to see if I can find any.’ He ordered with a sigh, watching them walk towards the herd with their machine guns at the ready, silencers clipped on so that they didn’t attract hundreds more than they could deal with.

Negan snuck off while they were dealing with the dead, starting with the first house in the street and trying the door, delighted when it opened without struggle, though disappointed at the same time as he knew that probably meant there weren’t any living to steal from.

Keeping his knife in front of him to take care of any stragglers, he wandered through to the first bedroom he could find on the top floor, grinning at the sight of a jewellery box on the dresser and making his way over to it, rummaging through the chains and bracelets until he got to the rings.

In truth, he didn’t know what he was going to get for the kid. He didn’t know if he had a favourite colour, but his obsession with red shirts and blue trainers hadn’t gone unnoticed, and Negan was sure if he found a black diamond ring that Carl would fall to his knees and suck him off right there. That was if his ogling of Amber’s black necklace was anything to go by.

They hadn’t really spoken about the wife situation since the two started “dating”, but he knew Carl wasn’t happy about it. Negan hadn’t slept with any of the women since his beloved slapped him that first time in the courtyard, too utterly head over heels to care about anyone except his little rabbit, but that didn’t seem to mean anything to the teen. Every time he saw the group, he would still go from a bright smile to an angry scowl in seconds.

One of the women, Julia, had gone missing a few weeks before that day, all of her belongings still in the room with nothing else to explain why she had left or escaped or whatever had happened to her.

Suspicious, Negan had brought it up with his one-eyed beauty, but Carl was oblivious. He claimed he had no idea what happened so the man simply dropped the conversation, and as time went on, he forgot about it completely. Either a sign of old age or a sign of skilled manipulation by Carl Grimes.

Drifting out of his thoughts, Negan focused on the rings he found. Yellow, no. Gold band, hell no. The clear diamonds were somewhat attractive, so he pocketed those, along with the red and purple rings he found, before leaving the house again, moving onto the next one.

The next few houses were no good. No jewellery boxes, nothing strewn around the rooms or left on a shelf forgotten after being taken off. The Saviour only found a few more rings before he really gave up, having cleared out the entire street. It seemed that people cared more about taking their jewellery with them than food in this neighbourhood, so he’d have to steal one of the stray cars in the driveways and take back all the food they could find in the houses.

As he stepped outside, he saw Hunter and Dwight covered in guts with a pouch full of twenty-six rings, all unique colours and designs. The sight made Negan smile, and he patted both of them on the back as he took the little bag. There were some good gems in the haul they had stripped from the dead, lots of red and blue stones accompanied by white diamonds and opal rocks, but the one that really stood out to him had a pure obsidian gem in the centre.

It shone like the real thing, and with the wealth of that particular street, it wouldn’t surprise Negan if it was real obsidian. The gem had two red rubies on either side of it, all set in a silver band that looked like a halo of leaves, and the slim design made it look like it would fit Carl perfectly.

Negan pocketed it with a nod, putting it inside the little black ring box he had found in one of the houses. Then he grinned at his two men.

‘Brilliant work, boys. There’s a fuck ton of food in these houses so let’s find the biggest car in the street and pack it up, we’ll take two if we have to and drive back together.’

Hunter and Dwight nodded.

‘We’ll search them all. Do you want to rest? You look a bit out of it.’ Dwight suggested, patting Negan’s shoulder as they talked.

The Saviour shook his head, grinning down at the ring he was holding.

‘No, I’m just thinking about what his face will look like when I give him this.’

‘You know if you do it in front of the whole Sanctuary, he’ll slap you.’ Hunter laughed as they started into the first house, grabbing a box and filling it with everything they could find.

‘He might, but his temper is one of the things I love about him so that’s okay. Bring the car around, would you? I’ll start packing up the next house.’ Negan nodded to Dwight who disappeared out the door, machine gun in hand just in case he met any stragglers.

Soon enough, they had packed up ten houses, all food that was able to be used going into the cars they stole. They’d all picked one car each, towing the rust bucket they had arrived in with the four by four that Hunter picked out and driving back towards the Sanctuary.

It was spaghetti that night, at Negan’s request, in an attempt to butter Carl up even more to say yes to his proposal. The kid had inhaled the spaghetti he made in Alexandria all those months ago, even if he’d never admit to liking it and looked pissed as hell while eating it, so it sounded like a good call when Negan told Rose to make it for dinner that night.

The Sanctuary was bustling around as always when the three Saviours got back, most people just getting on with their jobs with the exception of a few who were preparing things for the proposal that everyone but Carl knew about.

Carl liked chocolate, Negan knew that for a fact after the small square he had offered the boy while he was sick that he had gobbled down like a glass of water, so he had more hot chocolate brought up from the cellar to please his lover, and the bakers had been put to work making a cake for their engagement. The Saviour only hoped Carl said yes after all the things he’d put in place for that evening.

Letting Dwight and Hunter off until dinner, Negan wandered through to find Valerie so she could add the rings to their storage collection. They would come in handy if anyone else ever wanted to get married, though the convention had become less and less common as years went on, only a few couples per year deciding to solidify their relationship.

Negan wanted to be one of those couples with Carl, he wanted to have the kid all to himself and be his family rather than Rick being his family. It was his turn to take care of the one-eyed teen now, and he was determined to do a much better job than the older Grimes had.

Once the rings were safely in Valerie’s hands and the ring box was securely in Negan’s pocket, he headed upstairs, neglecting to knock on his and Carl’s door and walking straight in with no regard for what the teen was doing. It wasn’t like he’d be hiding shit from him, so he had no reason to knock.

As soon as he walked in, he was greeted to the most beautiful sight he’d ever laid eyes on.

Carl was standing in front of the full-length mirror, decked out in black and green lingerie that fitted around his slim body like it was made for him, stockings covering his long legs as he ran his thumbs down the sides where the teddy hugged his hips.

There was an empty plate on the dresser, a sign that he’d eaten all his lunch, but the look the teen was giving it made Negan realise he wasn’t entirely okay at that moment. He approached from behind once he shed his jacket on the bed, covering Carl’s lingering hands with his own and squeezing them.

‘You feeling okay, darling?’

The young Saviour just gave a slight nod, leaning into his chest. Negan smiled a little, knowing he was lying but dropping it for the moment so he could make him happy instead.

‘I want you to get dressed up in that black shirt I got you and come downstairs for me, okay? It’s dinner time.’

Carl raised an eyebrow at him quizzically.

‘Why do I need the shirt? You said it was for special occasions.’

‘Did I? Well, I just like to see my favourite boy looking confident, and I know you like that shirt.’ Negan grinned, kissing his cheek and rubbing his hands over the teen’s hips to stop him from dwelling on the soft parts of himself.

He watched as he got a nod from him before the kid was padding over to the wardrobe in his lace outfit, rummaging to find the shirt. The older Saviour watched him with fond eyes, admiring the way the panties underneath the bodysuit hugged his ass - it made him want to take a bite right out of that round, fleshy peach. He was obsessed with the younger man’s body, but his mind was what he tried to focus on at that moment, determined to make him happier.

Negan sat on the bed until Carl was dressed and ready to go downstairs, the ring box still in his pocket as they approached the crowd of Saviours in the community hub. They all knew what was about to happen and to their complement, they were all doing a very good job of acting normal.

The pair of lovers wandered down to where Rose was handing out portions of spaghetti, a big grin gracing her face when they approached. Negan glared at her, motioning with his hand across his neck to cut it out, not wanting Carl to get suspicious.

‘Why are you so happy tonight?’

Too late.

Rose did her best to keep her composure though, simply giving Carl a softer smile instead as she handed him his plate.

‘Just feeling particularly thankful for life today.’

‘Here, here!’ Ada’s voice chimed in as she approached with Doc to get their portions, grinning at the Grimes boy with barely contained glee that made Negan even more anxious about giving shit away.

Carl raised an eyebrow at both of them, clearly confused, but ultimately shrugged and took his plate, wandering over to the table that he and Negan always occupied when they had dinner downstairs. The older man whipped around to glare at the women once Carl wasn’t looking anymore.

‘I’m stressed out enough about this without you two screwing it up! Stop grinning!’ He scolded but he wasn’t angry at all, too much pent up energy in his stomach to focus on anything but what he was going to do when they finished dinner.

The two women just gave him smirks, making the man groan and stalk off with his dinner to sit with Carl.

An hour later when everyone had eaten and plates were being stacked up to go to the kitchen, Carl was talking to one of the security team members that he had become friendly with since the incident at Hilltop. Rory, Negan was pretty sure that was his name, but he didn’t really care while everyone around him helped to set up what he was about to do.

Rose slid the cake onto the counter in front of her from where it had been hidden underneath, and Daniel snuck around to talk to Carl, grinning at him as he signed.

‘I’ll take your plate through to the kitchen, dude.’

Negan watched as Carl smiled and nodded at Daniel, before getting down on one knee behind him with the ring box open in his hand and waiting for the teen to turn around. When he finally did, his eye went so wide it looked as if it were about to pop out of his skull, and Negan grinned widely at him.

‘Marry me?’


	29. 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter finished, peeps ^^ Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Remember to comment your love and check out Tumblr for updates and other stories https://www.tumblr.com/blog/crystallinecrimsonmoth <3
> 
> Love you all, seriously :3

‘Are you insane?’

Well, that wasn’t the answer he was expecting.

Negan did his best to brush it off though, keeping the wide grin on his face as he gazed up at Carl, the black ring box still offered up in front of him.

‘What, kid? You never saw a marriage proposal before?’ He chuckled, hearing everyone else in the hall hold their breath at once.

The community hub was so quiet you could hear a pin drop as they all stared at the scene unfolding in front of them. It wasn’t like Carl would say no, or at least no one thought he would. The teen clearly loved Negan so it was a logical next step, even if it didn’t make total sense to get married during an apocalypse when the dead were wandering outside and could kill them both at any moment.

But Carl was still just standing there, one frail hand shaking at his side while he tried to think of an answer that wouldn’t come out as a squeak of shock. When he realised that wouldn't work and he couldn't think of any other way to express his feelings, his hand made its way across Negan’s face, slapping him so hard his jaw cocked to the side and pain radiated through his skull.

The man let out a little laugh, rubbing his hand over the skin that had been slapped, knowing it would bruise later.

‘Getting some mixed messages here, kiddo, you got any actual words for me?’ He raised an eyebrow at him, making Carl’s heart clench as he stared back into his eyes.

He didn’t know what to do. He had seen so many marriages fall apart in his short time on earth, especially in the hell they lived in now, and he and Negan had been so good for so long. He didn’t want marriage to mess that up.

Negan was still staring at him, dark eyes filled with just a little bit of worry now that Carl had been silent for a few minutes, and the teen saw him physically gulp when he got onto his knees in front of him, cupping his jaw in his hands and rubbing gentle thumbs through his beard.

‘I don’t want to screw this up with marriage, Neeg.’

The man’s eyebrows furrowed at his words, confusion filling in the cracks of his wrinkled face.

‘We won’t screw it up. Nothing will change that much, we’re just… making it official. And you get to wear a nice ring.’ The smile on his face was hesitant as he let Carl put his hands on his shoulders and squeeze to reassure the Saviour.

‘My parents’ marriage didn’t work, Negan. It failed miserably and I don’t want that to happen to us. This world ripped them apart, it isn’t built for happy families.’

Negan’s frown worsened at the younger man’s words and he thought about what he had said for a moment before shaking his head.

‘It can't rip us apart because it brought us together. If motherfuckers hadn't started rolling in their graves, we would have never met. The end of the world saved us! We don't need a happy family, darling, we’ll have a dysfunctional family instead. We’ll always be on guard, even when it’s completely safe and we haven’t had a death in fucking years because we built a brick wall around the Sanctuary to keep others out. We’ll call each other Scarface and Jackass, we’ll threaten to shoot each other every day. I don’t give a fuck about being happy, Carl, I give a fuck about loving you and keeping you safe. We could fight every fucking day but we’ll always come back to each other at night. We'll always keep each other warm in bed, no matter what. I'd die for you, Carl.’ His whiskey eyes were watering as he made the unplanned speech, wanting so badly to marry the teen that he would weep in front of the whole Sanctuary just to get him to say yes.

Carl was staring in disbelief, tears already falling from his one blue eye and blurring his vision as he leaned forward and put his forehead against Negan’s, stroking through his beard while the surrounding community still stood in utter silence, watching the event unfold.

‘We’ve always found our way back to each other, even when your dad took you away from me. I know marriage doesn’t mean shit nowadays and people might laugh when we call each other husband but I don’t fucking care! Marry me, Carl Grimes.’ He insisted, waiting with bated breath for his reply and feeling the crushing weight lift off his heart when the teen nodded, wrapping his arms around Negan’s neck and hugging him tightly.

Everyone started clapping around them when Carl nodded, the eruption of applause reminding the teen that they were safe. Part of a community that worked together, took care of each other, and fought hard for the life they lived there, regardless of how many outsiders got hurt.

That was the Sanctuary way. You protected your own, no matter the cost to others. That’s how they survived, and it was the only way to live safely.

Carl understood that now as he leaned back onto his heels, letting Negan take his hand. It was trembling so much he couldn’t even feel his fingers, all the blood having rushed to his head in order to comprehend the question that Negan had asked and the implications of them being married.

The man slipped the ring from the little black box in his hand onto Carl’s finger, the black and red gems glinting under the light of the hall around them. It fit perfectly, much to his surprise, but the teen could barely focus on the jewellery before he tackled Negan into another hug, kissing him until they were both panting for breath.

The couple just stared at each other for the longest time, their breath intermingling until Rose yelled out through the silence of the hall.

‘Alright, the serious part’s over with! Get a plate, we have a lot of cake to go around for our newly engaged couple!’ She grinned, making Carl’s eyes flicker to the counter and brighten at the sight of the chocolate cake.

He smacked Negan’s arm when he saw it, jittering with excitement and the aftershocks of all his nervous energy.

‘You made chocolate cake!’

‘Hey, woah, we made chocolate cake. He couldn’t bake a cake this good if he tried!’ Pyro, one of the bakers from the catering unit of the Sanctuary, argued from where he stood with the rest of the team, pointing at Negan with a friendly glare.

Carl couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him at Pyro’s argument and he nodded, offering a kiss on the cheek to the man whose face burned as red as his hair.

‘You’re right. Thank you, Pyro. I’m pretty sure we’d be eating burnt flour if the great King of the Sanctuary had made our cake.’ He smiled, laughing again when Negan made a scandalised noise and stalked over to them.

‘I would not have burnt the cake!’

‘You would have, but that’s okay. I love you for other things.’ Carl giggled, giving Negan a soft peck on the lips before thanking the rest of the catering unit with a kiss on the cheek, approaching the chocolate cake in question with a hungry expression on his face.

‘How do you feel?’ Rose smiled at him as he got to the table, offering up his slice of the cake.

Carl nodded, a big smile on his face now as he thought about what had just happened.

‘I’m getting married to the best-looking man left on earth, I’m very happy.’ He expressed, taking a bite of the cake and moaning at the taste.

‘Fuck, I haven’t had chocolate apart from that little square Negan gave me when I was sick since I was like fourteen.’ He purred like a cat, relishing in the flavour of the sweet treat as Rose laughed.

‘Yeah, he said you liked it. We only bring it out twice a year since we haven’t found a factory with the machinery to make any more yet. Negan brought it out for today since it was a special occasion so I hope you’re okay with strawberry cake for your wedding.’

The young Saviour nodded with enthusiasm, taking another bite of his cake slice.

‘I love all cake, that’s fine.’ He grinned, his lips and teeth stained with chocolate which Negan licked away when he approached the two of them, giving Carl a soft kiss and nuzzling his nose against his.

‘Hi.’

‘Hi to you too.’

They stared at each other for a moment, gazes both loving and lustful until Rose spoke up between them.

‘If I may, I suggest you move onto the engagement celebrations upstairs. No one needs to see you eye-fuck each other in the middle of the main hall.’ She smiled, passing them both to go to the kitchen and patting Negan on the back as she did.

The man smirked at his newly engaged fiancee with a nod to what Rose said, linking his hand with his and putting the other one on his lower back.

‘Shall we?’

Carl let out a little hum, reaching up and pulling Negan’s face towards his, kissing him roughly. The results of that motion landed them upstairs, the teenager panting underneath his older lover in a desperate attempt to get his jeans off.

Negan just chuckled, easing his hands away from his belt with gentle movements and focusing instead on ravishing every inch of his skin. He spent at least ten minutes biting, nibbling and sucking on Carl’s stomach and thighs, laving his tongue over the boy’s puckered hole when he finally got his denim shorts off and sinking his teeth into the flesh of his behind.

The resulting tug on his hair did not go unnoticed.

‘Don’t tease, Neeg.’

‘I’ll tease if I want to, princess, you just have to lie there and take it.’ The leader purred in response, drawing a drop of blood from one of the globes of milk flesh while completely ignoring Carl’s weeping erection.

This went on until he got bored of listening to the boy whine, and the rest of the night melded into nothing but a kaleidoscope of sweat and orgasms, Negan tugging at the young man’s long brown waves until he screamed and soiled the bed sheets with his release.

Once Carl was sated completely and panting into the fabric of their thick duvet, his older fiancee lit a fire to warm the room some more, wiping his lover down with a washcloth and tucking them both into bed under a blanket. He was thankful to have locked the door when they stumbled into the room at the start of the night, giving them total peace and security as the couple fell asleep.


	30. 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :3
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter and comment your love to keep my motivation high ><
> 
> Check out tumblr @crystallinecrimsonmoth for updates!

A month after their engagement in front of the whole Sanctuary and the consummation that came after it, Carl and Negan tied the knot. It was a quick event, not too flashy, but the strawberry cake with fresh cream was made by Rose as promised, and Carl got more than enough attention from Negan to make him the happiest boy on earth.

They were named the official King and Queen of the Sanctuary, at Daniel’s suggestion, and Ada forced Carl into a tiara she found in storage. Both of his best friends had taken to bowing to him every chance they got just to piss the teen off, and despite all his complaints to Negan, the man just laughed and let it continue, watching Carl’s rage simmer like a pot but never overflow. They both knew he wouldn’t hurt his friends, which is why Ada and Dan both found it so funny to tease him about being a Queen.

Negan, on the other hand, had taken up the hobby of calling Carl his wife every chance he got, claiming it was just to piss him off but really loving the red haze that covered the younger man’s cheeks whenever he used it.

Carl was nineteen now, according to the calendars, but he didn’t feel like much had changed. He was still stuck in the world of the walking dead, killing corpses each day, but slowly life got easier at the Sanctuary. They’d built the wall that Negan had always talked about, securing heavy concrete bricks they had found on an old construction site with the waterproof cement cans that were still sitting there, unused and ready to be built with.

The wall was tall enough to reach higher than their lookout posts so they lifted them up for security to still do their jobs, and the entry gate was reduced to the size of a human being, much like a front door, with barbed wire on either side of it so enemies couldn’t stick their hands through.

Entry for trucks had been moved to the back of the Sanctuary at Carl’s suggestion, making it easier to unload supplies into the storage rooms and putting both King and Queen at ease that no one could get into the compound unless they really tried to look for the way in.

It was extra security, but also extra comfort. This way the community was enclosed in a bubble of concrete and barbed wire that only very determined enemies would be able to break through, and there were always back-up plans for that. The road leading up to their front door was lined with tyre spikes, ready to puncture any wheel that rolled over them and send the vehicle it belonged to crashing into the trees at the side of the road.

The Sanctuary had become a safe haven for its citizens, and Carl finally felt like he could sleep at night without worrying about whether some crazy bastard was going to climb the fence and shoot the place up. The only crazy bastards they needed were the ones on the inside that looked after everybody else. That was the way Carl liked it.

‘We’re going to Hilltop today, my love, do you want to come?’ Carl called into the bedroom of him and his husband, glimpsing the man with a straight razor in his hand as he shaved off his beard once again.

He never bothered to trim it when it got too long, worried about the hair being uneven, so he simply shaved it all off and let it start again, enjoying the way Carl purred at the feeling of his growing stubble on his inner thighs.

Negan’s eyes flickered to Carl in the mirror as he leaned against the bathroom door frame, hair tied back with black eyeliner around his one blue eye and blood-red gloss covering his lips. His young Saviour had become the epitome of murderous since he started training with the security team and Negan just relished in it, amazed that the teen could look so gorgeous while being so deadly.

He noticed a little smirk on his wife’s face when he didn’t answer the question right away, the boy clearly amused by Negan’s entranced stupor as he blew a kiss to his husband, approaching him and leaning upon his tiptoes to kiss the back of the man’s neck.

‘Do you want to come or not? We’re leaving in five minutes.’ The low purr reverberated down the older’s spine and he suppressed the shudder that came with it, shaking his head as he went back to shaving his beard away.

‘No, darling, I’m teaching a class with the kids today. They’re all excited to learn about planting our food in the greenhouses.’ He smiled, taking a fingertip of shaving cream and smearing it on his lover’s nose, watching it scrunch like a little rabbit.

Carl let out a little huff but the smirk returned to his face as he kissed Negan’s naked shoulder, sighing.

‘I’m married to an old grandpa now. Tending your garden and playing with kids.’

‘Yeah, well, my hair’s still black, I can still bash people’s heads in like the flick of a light switch and you still beg for my cock every night, so I’m thinking I’m not that old yet.’ Negan grinned, leaning down so Carl could kiss his wet cheek and leave a red lip print there for everyone to see later when he went downstairs.

The teen leaned his head against Negan’s temple for a moment, quiet as he breathed in and out before whispering to him.

‘I love you to the moon and back.’

‘I love you more than all the stars in the sky.’

‘Together to the end.’

‘Forever.’

It had become a ritual of theirs. Anytime either of them went out on the road, even if they went together, they would always take a moment to lean into each other and breath those words, reassuring each other that the road would always lead home, no matter if death took them before they met again.

Carl stayed there an extra few seconds before planting his feet flat on the ground again, pressing one more kiss to Negan’s bicep.

‘I’ll be back before dark, my King.’ He purred, making Negan smirk and kiss his forehead.

‘I’ll be waiting with your dinner, my Queen.’ He murmured in reply, smacking his ass with his free hand as Carl left the room.

The teen let out a giggle at the smack, wrapping himself up in Negan’s leather jacket and wandering downstairs to the courtyard behind the factory. Three of his men were leaning against a truck, weapons in hand as they waited for Carl to approach before getting into the vehicle.

The journey to Hilltop was long, but the truck made it feel like less time than the car Maggie had driven in, so Carl was quite happy to nap and twiddle his thumbs while Rory drove. After what felt like a day but had only really been five hours, they finally reached Hilltop with all their faculties still in order and their guns raised while Carl knocked on the gate.

‘Open up, daddy, we’re here for your taxes!’ He called into the community, scraping the edge of his dagger along the metal gate as he waited to be let in.

It took a moment of metal against metal screeching before Rick’s face appeared and he wrenched the door open, a fake smile plastered on his face.

‘Carl.’

‘It’s Negan to you now, actually. I know it’ll be hard to get used to but get used to it, you most certainly will.’ The teen chirped, his language the same as Negan’s on the night of Glenn and Abraham’s death while following him inside with Rory and the other guys close behind him, glaring at the Hilltop citizens that got too close.

The supplies that were to be offered to the Sanctuary were sitting in a pile in front of the big house, looking as plentiful as they should have been when Carl approached the mini-mountain and then gestured to Heather and Oliver, waving to the supplies.

‘Check the list, count it all up. They know the rules if something’s missing so don’t hesitate.’ He told both of them before linking his arm through Rory’s and following Rick to the house he shared with Michonne.

‘Lead the way, Rick.’ He smiled at the older man but it was so fake, his words dripping with venom.

Rick was the number one threat to Negan’s life and Carl did not like that, so he kept his eye on him despite the new security precautions around the Sanctuary, radioing Michonne whenever he had a spare moment on the lookout posts to get updates about Rick’s mental status and whether he was planning to hightail it to the Sanctuary in a car and attempt a murder.

Nothing had happened yet so Carl felt satisfied, but he always got those updates just in case, and Michonne was more than willing to oblige in order to keep Rick from doing something he might regret in the future.

When he saw his adoptive mother, one of three including Rose and Gwen, the nice blacksmith who engraved his pistol for him, he felt a rise of emotion in his throat. He didn’t miss anything about his old group other than Michonne. She was the only one who trusted him enough to make his own decisions, praising his marriage to Negan as a logical next step in their relationship rather than damning it to hell like everyone else had.

He let go of Rory to run at her for a hug, thankful that nothing bad had happened to her while he was away.

‘You’re still alive.’

‘So are you. How’s Negan?’ She asked under her breath, offering him a sympathetic smile and stroking his cheek when Rick glared at the two of them on his way back into the house.

‘He’s fine. Still teaching the kids about gardening like an old grandpa. They all love him though.’ He smiled back, just a little hint of something worrying and sad in his tone.

Michonne watched his reaction for a moment before replying.

‘Let’s go for a walk.’ She told him in a soft tone, letting Carl wave off Rory and leading him to the gardens further into Hilltop so they could talk the ‘raising children’ topic out.


	31. 31

Michonne and Carl wandered through the gardens at Hilltop in silence for what felt like forever, nothing but the sound of buzzing insects and the conversations of a few adults invading the air. The surrounding flowers were in bloom now, much like the ones back at the Sanctuary, and the entire garden smelled of that sharp, sweet scent that was always present at the start of Spring.

Carl ran his fingers along a few of the fresh flower petals, thinking about everything he wanted to rant about and feeling like the only thing he really needed was a good scream. His adoptive mother walked beside him in the silence, one hand on his shoulder as they passed by multiple Hilltop citizens, all of whom Carl glared at with the signature blend of Negan’s darkness and Rick’s psychotic genes burning in his eye. He didn’t like this settlement anymore, he couldn’t trust anybody there other than Michonne, and in a tough spot, he knew even she would turn against him to protect the place she and Rick called home.

He was the enemy in this community, with only his men a hundred feet away that could protect him. Suddenly, as they approached more Hilltop residents and they all glared back at him, Carl really wished Negan was there to hold his hand.

But he tried to focus on Michonne, turning to her when she squeezed his shoulder and owning up to what had been eating him alive since Negan started teaching the Sanctuary kids about gardening and coming to bed with far too many stories about the little people being cute.

‘I don’t know that I want to raise a kid, and I think Negan does.’ He admitted under his breath, watching Michonne’s reaction with confusion when all she did was nod and squeeze around his shoulders as they walked, rubbing up and down his arm to comfort him.

‘You don’t want to raise a kid because of what happened to Judith, right?’

Carl took a moment before he managed to nod, leaning his head on her shoulder when she offered it to him. A million thoughts ran through his head, all about whether he could handle raising a kid, whether Negan would love the kid more than he loved him, and if everything they had built as King and Queen of the Sanctuary would fall if they became parents and over-stressed about every little thing. He didn’t want to become complacent because of a child, and he didn’t want to lose the leadership style they had just because Negan was too afraid to spill blood in front of their baby.

He liked their life the way it was now, not the way it would be with a child involved.

‘I just don’t want our lives to change for a baby. We’re safe the way we are now, we’re happy, and what if he loves it more than me? What if he sacrifices my life before the baby’s? I don’t know what to do with that idea, Michonne. If we have a kid, he’ll just drop me in the dust and take care of it all on his own if I’m not supportive.’ He sighed, sitting down on the bench she gestured to and leaning back against it.

‘Negan is not going to drop you for a child, Carl. He loves you, he married you, he named you his Queen. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when you’re both here, there’s no way that man will leave you in the dirt for a child.’ Michonne reassured him, stroking the hair away from his eye as they sat and talked it out.

Carl’s eyebrows furrowed at her reply, his mind still irrationally thinking about how much less attention he would get from Negan if they had a baby. The man was so smitten with Judith when he first met her that Carl barely got any attention. Granted, he didn’t want any at that time in their relationship, but still, he was abandoned for a cute baby. Find Negan his own baby and god knows how little of his attention he would receive. He might lose sex completely if they became parents.

‘I just don’t want our lives to change.’ He murmured in response to the woman beside him, picking at his nail beds like he had become accustomed to doing when he was nervous about shit.

The King had noticed the nervous tick a few weeks previously, pointing it out and smacking Carl’s wrists whenever he did it. At least he wasn’t getting smacked at Hilltop.

‘Ow!’

Scratch that, he was getting smacked at Hilltop.

‘You’re hurting yourself, stop it!’ Michonne scolded, making him huff like the teenager he was and cross his arms, looking off into the distance at the rest of the community who milled about around them, doing whatever their duties were while a few of them helped Heather and Oliver put things in the truck.

Carl was grateful for the help, regretting bringing Heather already after she had informed him of her pregnancy with Rory. She shouldn't have come, he knew that and she knew it too, but she had insisted that she wasn’t pregnant enough to be unable to work yet so he should let her work until she couldn’t. The teen couldn’t argue with that.

Her pregnancy had only made him feel worse about the baby situation, reminding him of what happened to his mother all those years ago in the prison. He didn’t want to lose Heather like that; he didn’t want a nutrient-sucking demon making her bleed to death and killing his friend. He knew that Doc had more than satisfactory medical supplies to help her in a situation like that, but it didn’t make him any less anxious.

When Negan had found out about Heather and Rory, it was even worse. He looked so happy but so sad at the same time. He’d whispered to Carl in the dark later that night and asked him if he wanted to try to find an orphan to raise, and it was all Carl could do to stay still and act like he was sleeping. He hadn’t wanted to face that conversation, he never wanted to face that conversation. The idea of his little sister being ripped apart gave him enough nightmares without having to worry about his own child too, so he pretended that he hadn’t heard the question the next morning, acting as if he really had been asleep when Negan asked it, and the man never brought it up again.

That was a week ago, and now he still didn’t know what to do.

‘You don’t have to want kids, Carl, they’re not a necessary part of life, especially not in our world, but if you find a child to take in or someone at the Sanctuary dies in childbirth, it won’t be a burden on your life. You know you’re safe there. Hell, you have that gigantic ass wall up around it now. You have the capacity for so much compassion, and so does Negan. It doesn’t just have to be spent on each other.’ Michonne explained, stroking his cheek and gesturing to the eyeliner on his face.

‘I like this, it suits you.’

Carl smiled, a slight red haze appearing on his cheeks at the casual compliment.

‘Negan suggested it. He thinks it makes my eye brighter, makes up for the gape in my face, apparently.’ He rolled his eye at the comment of his husband, rubbing his cheek in an attempt at getting the blush to go away.

Michonne laughed at his attempts to hide his embarrassment, batting away his hand and squishing his cheek between her fingers to embarrass him even more.

‘I think it looks very pretty, such a cute little boy.’

‘Shut up!’ The teen whined, turning his head away from her as they both laughed.

His heart and mind felt so at ease when he talked to Michonne, totally contrasting with the short, sharp conversations he had with his dad once in a blue moon. She was like a best friend and a mother all wrapped up in one, much like every friend he had in his life, but with a knowledge of his life before the Sanctuary to help him understand his reactions to certain things. It was refreshing to talk to her when he came to Hilltop, and despite the evil shadow he cast on the rest of the community, he acted like a complete angel around the older woman.

‘My Queen, we’ve finished loading the truck.’ The sarcastic tone of Heather’s voice and her red leather boot tapping on the gravel of the path distracted Carl from his thoughts and he looked up to see her smirking, arms crossed over her chest.

Carl just mimicked her in a quiet voice before standing up, getting enveloped in one last hug by Michonne once he was upright. She squeezed him tight like he would disintegrate in her arms if she let go, the way she always hugged him when he came to visit, and the teen squeezed her back just as tightly.

‘I’ll be back in two weeks, don’t die while I’m gone.’

‘The same goes for you, kid. Remember to talk to Negan about your feelings, I doubt he’ll be angry if you say you don’t want to have kids. He’ll still have his teaching job, after all.’ Michonne reassured, kissing his cheek when she let go - a gesture which Carl returned before following Heather to the truck.

He was back in his Negan mindset by the time they were walking past Rick and Michonne’s house, and he sent a wave to his dad who was standing in the front doorway.

‘Bye, Ricky. Be good to your wife or I’ll kill you.’

The older Grimes said nothing, simply staring back at Carl and giving him the slightest wave as Michonne stood beside him again, wrapping her arm around his middle and whispering something to him to make his shoulders sag. His son watched with amusement as the woman placated him before he climbed up into the truck with Oliver in the driver’s seat this time.

He drank from his water bottle that sat in the cup holder on the dash as Oliver started backing out of the Hilltop gate, waving to Rick with a smirk as they disappeared from sight.


	32. 32

Carl let life go on as normal for the first week after his and Michonne’s talk, avoiding the conversation about children with anyone who would ask and acting like everything was fine inside his head when Negan asked if he was feeling okay.

Truthfully, he didn’t know how he felt. The idea of having a child with Negan was something he had never thought about before the man started teaching the Sanctuary youth. Their life together in his dreams had been just them against the world, surviving inside their hard-earned community and taking what they needed from others.

The day they got married to one another, Carl had promised to love Negan for the rest of his life and protect him when he couldn’t look after himself anymore. There was nothing in there promising to have his babies or raise a child with him, and when Negan promised to do the same, he didn’t hear any implication in his voice that the man wanted children.

But then he started coming upstairs from the greenhouses at night and telling him all the funny stories about what the kids had done while he was teaching them to plant, and the reality of the fact that Negan might want to have babies with him one day all came crashing down on his head. When he had asked him the question that night before they fell asleep, the consequences of both his love for the man and their marriage to one another all became a little more vivid.

So he avoided the question every time Negan tried to ask it and kept his fears to himself.

As a week passed by of normal life and the questions about children seemed to have disappeared from his vocabulary, Carl finally relaxed around Negan and settled back into his routine at the Sanctuary.

After the death of Peter Neston a few weeks before, Carl had found himself checking up on the daughter he left behind quite often, visiting the room she shared with her aunt and making sure she wasn’t having as many nightmares as he did when his mother died.

Katie was a nice kid, even if she was only four years old and couldn’t really talk properly yet. Carl assumed the trauma from seeing her mother ripped apart by walkers and now the death of her father had caused the stunt in her development, and it made sense. He’d been through a lot of shit in his lifetime, but at four years old, he was a normal kid in a normal world. Katie was born into hell, and she didn’t even have a choice in the matter. He hated that.

He sighed as he wandered down to the lower levels of the Sanctuary to see her, getting gradually more thankful for his bedroom window the further down he went. He supposed it probably didn’t bother the other Saviours as much as it bothered him, but he just liked to have a little bit of natural light in his room rather than the artificial light that shone down here.

Wandering through the corridor, he smiled at everybody he passed by. Although they weren’t family, Carl did care for everyone in the Sanctuary. They all contributed to the system and were loyal to him and Negan, so he had no reason to despise them as he did with Hilltop. They were friends. A few waved to him, calls of ‘Good afternoon, my Queen!’ ringing through the hallway as he walked, but the journey was mostly quiet, only the bustling around and low conversations of the Saviours reaching his ears.

It didn’t take long for him to reach Katie’s room, seeing the door open and smiling at the sight of the little girl sitting on the floor with a book, her hair being brushed by her aunt, Melody, who sat on the bed above her.

He wandered into the room after giving a few knocks to the open door and smiled when Katie looked up at him, waiting until the brush was out of her hair before running at the teen, hugging his legs tightly. Carl smiled at the squeeze to his limbs, ruffling her hair before lifting the little girl onto his hip, poking her nose to make her giggle.

‘Good afternoon, little miss!’

Katie didn’t say anything, like usual, but the giant grin on her face told him everything he needed to know as she put her cold hands on his cheeks.

‘She’s been looking forward to seeing you all day.’ Melody smiled from where she sat on the bed, standing to get a glass of water from the sink and watching her niece interact with the young man.

Carl smiled at the thought of Katie being excited to see him, blowing a raspberry into her cheek to make her giggle again and letting the little girl lean her forehead on his like she always did.

‘I’ve been looking forward to seeing you too, my little squirrel. Have you been a good girl for your auntie while I was gone?’

Katie nodded enthusiastically at his question, smiling like she was proud of the achievement and squealing when Carl pinched her waist gently.

‘Good girl.’

Melody watched the two of them with her head tilted, waiting until Carl leaned away from Katie’s forehead before she spoke up.

‘You look good with her. Like you’re meant to be holding a baby.’

Carl’s shoulders tensed at the mention of him holding a baby, setting Katie down on the bed and sitting beside her, picking up the book she was reading.

‘Holding her is great but I prefer having both hands on my gun at all times. Safer that way.’

‘You can’t have your hand on a gun forever, Carl. The wall is up, we haven’t been attacked in months - sooner or later, you’ll have to accept that we’re safe enough to have a life that isn’t firing bullets and stabbing brains.’

The teen shook his head at what she said, running a hand through his hair.

‘There will always be a need for bullets and knives.’

‘But not all the time. Negan has settled into his routine with the kids, and you’re still tense and waiting for the end of the world. We’re living in it, Carl, but you can still be happy.’

Carl leaned against the wall with a sigh, pulling Katie into his lap as she started reading and looking up at Melody where she was standing.

‘I’ve told you before, I can’t raise a child in this world.’

‘You’re already doing it with Katie! Every time you’re with her, you act like a protective parent. I know you want kids, Carl, you’re just too afraid to lose anyone else.’ Melody smiled, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing gently, making the kid flinch a little and look down at Katie with soft eyes.

He didn’t want to lose her like he lost Judith. The thought of losing another person close to him hurt too much to consider, and losing someone at Judith’s age was even worse of a thought, especially when the little red-haired girl on his lap hadn’t even learned to speak yet. He sighed as Melody spoke again.

‘You’re allowed to be happy, kid. There are so many orphans in this world that you could take care of.’

Carl nodded a little while hugging Katie closer to him and rocking her back and forth as she read her book.

‘I know. I just haven’t found a kid that I care about that much yet.’ He sighed, stroking Katie’s hair as Melody sat beside them and helped her read.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, please comment if you like this fic, I'm desperate for praise and my inspiration lives and dies with it T^T

As time went on, Carl thought more and more about kids, while Negan continued to gush over his students like a proud parent. This kid had the best sunflowers, and that kid grew the best tomatoes, and everyone was so cute - it had all driven Carl to the point where he had to spend that night outside. The stress of knowing that his husband wanted kids and listening to him go on and on about the kids that weren’t even his, he just couldn’t take it anymore.

He wanted to go back to the way they were, lounging around, having passionate sex all through the night, kissing each other tenderly in the morning. There had been no danger to the Sanctuary in months, and that just worsened his mood. There was no violence to distract himself with, no gunshots to fill the moments of dread after Negan talked so fondly of his pupils or told him how cute he looked playing with Katie in the nursery. Danger was a rarity now, and he didn’t know how to handle that.

‘Coming to bed, rabbit?’

Negan’s voice was as gentle as his touch these days. He hadn’t abandoned Lucille, but the most work she did was on Carl’s shoulder when he took her out on supply runs to protect himself.

Killing walkers made him feel better now, like therapy for his darkened mind, and although he avoided thinking about that one kill a month after his conversation with Michonne, he couldn’t find it in himself to lie and say he regretted beating that guy to death. In the beginning, he could convince himself that it was self-defence, but it was just stress relief. He knew that now.

Looking at himself wrapped in Negan’s arms through the eyes of the bathroom mirror, he smiled, feeling at ease despite the problems they’d been having, and he reached a hand up to his lined face, petting the beard that was beginning to grow again. His husband liked having a clean face nowadays, claiming it was easier to maintain in the heat of the greenhouse, but Carl knew it was to make him feel younger. If he couldn’t see the greying beard, he didn’t have to accept it, and he always dyed his hair black again the moment he saw anything resembling age. Despite the teen’s insistence that he didn’t look old, Carl didn’t think Negan would ever be comfortable with the greys.

‘I’m going to take the night shift with Adriana today, Neeg, I can’t snuggle you tonight.’

Negan’s groan reverberated through Carl’s throat as he placed a kiss there, the older man’s shoulders sagging in defeat.

‘But night shifts aren’t safe, I don’t like you being out there in the dark with only a few other people!’ He insisted with a huff, fingers laying a trail down the teen’s chest, getting closer and closer to his boxers.

Carl caught his wrist before he could go any further, bringing his hand up to his mouth and kissing the man’s tanned knuckles with soft pecks. He met his eyes in the mirror with a smile.

‘I promise I’ll cuddle you tomorrow, but you’ll have to settle for my pillow tonight.’ He laughed, leaning up and kissing his cheek before wandering away into the bedroom, picking out a loose shirt of Negan’s to wear so that he was comfortable on security detail all night.

The other Saviour groaned once again, following him and lying on the bed, watching Carl get dressed with dark eyes and roaming his gaze across the pale expanse of his back. He would never get over how lucky he was to end up with such a beautiful human being to love him like Carl did. He was so entrancing, the only light that Negan had seen in such a dark world since the disaster began-

‘Negan!’

‘What?!’ He jumped at the sound of Carl shouting to get his attention, seeing him roll his eyes before he plucked the leather jacket from the foot of the bed and slipped it onto his shoulders.

‘I’m heading out. Don’t stay up for me, you need sleep before those raccoon eyes get any darker.’ He murmured against his lips as he leaned down to give him a kiss, smiling so that the older man didn’t worry about or catch on to what was going through his head.

The teen watched him nod with a grin before he was slipping out of the room, heading outside to start patrol.

Night patrol was easier when he had someone to talk to - that was something Carl realised very early on in his time at the Sanctuary. When you were alone in the dark, it was like staring into your own fears that seemed to live in the abyss, watching the dead pass by the Sanctuary in the distance and putting a bullet through the head of the few that wandered up to the wall.

He liked the wall. It was sturdier than the one at Alexandria… taller too, so the platform that he sat on with his legs swinging over the edge didn’t seem so precarious. The walkers couldn’t get to him up here even if they tried, and the few that had attempted it only grappled at the rock in failure, too dumb to realise they couldn’t get to the food that was ten feet above their heads.

‘Socket! Heads up!’

Carl almost had a heart attack at the sound of Adriana’s loud voice calling him from below, narrowly catching the apple that flew at his head when he looked down to see where she was. Daniel was standing beside her, a smug grin on his face which made him wonder if he was the one to throw the apple. The teen narrowed his eye at them both.

‘Who threw it?’

‘Voiceless threw it, not me.’ Adriana laughed, starting to climb up the ladder to the platform with Daniel following close behind.

The Saviour rolled his eyes before taking a bite from the apple, pointing at Daniel.

‘Where’s Ada?’ He asked through a mouthful of fruit, tilting his head when his friend shrugged and started signing once he perched beside him.

_‘Having sex, I think. Harriet was at the door just as I left.’_

‘Lovely.’ Carl hummed, turning his head back to the horizon to watch for danger.

It all looked so peaceful from the top of the wall. No noise, no blue sky, just black and stars and the breeze of the wind passing through his tied up hair. It made the world seem normal, and he supposed it was normal now - a new kind of normal that meant he could be safe and comfortable even if the dead were wandering outside. It was strange, like living alongside a lion pride and waiting for one of them to attack if it got too hungry. They were always in a state of safety and danger at the same time.

‘What ya thinking about, your Majesty?’ Adriana’s voice cut through his thoughts as they began to fall off the beaten track of normality, the humoured lilt in her tone making him let out a little snort of laughter to off-balance his trailing mind.

‘Will you ever give up calling me that?’

‘Hey, we’re only being polite! Negan calls you Queen all the time, so why can’t we use the royal terms?’ She grinned at him, teeth glimmering under the lights that they had set up on the lookout platforms.

Daniel was smirking beside her, but his expression softened at the worry that seemed to have made a permanent crease between Carl’s eyebrows.

_‘What’s wrong?’_

‘I don’t know. I just came out to get some fresh air, I can’t listen to him talk about kids anymore.’ He insisted with a hint of venom making its way into his voice.

Daniel and Adriana both stared at him, concerned for their friend while he ran a hand over the front of his face and sighed.

‘What if I never want kids and he leaves me? What if we have a kid and he realises he was wrong, so he neglects us? What if the kid dies just like Judith did?’ The words strained in his throat and his mind as he tried to think of a way that children could work in the new world, staring into the darkness that surrounded them.

The trio went quiet at his worried questions. No one had the answers he was looking for, not even himself, not even Negan. Negan usually had the answers to everything, and now Carl was lost in the dark without him. The air was still now, whatever breeze that had taken over earlier having passed the Sanctuary by and blown over the top of the factory, disappearing in the wind.

No one said anything and Carl looked back down through the grate of the lookout platform, staring at the grey brick that protected them from the dangers outside, waiting for the epiphany he needed to hit him so he wouldn’t have to rack his brain anymore to decide what to do. He needed someone to tell him, a sign that would point him in the right direction. He didn’t like being lost.

‘What if we go on an adventure tomorrow? To get us out of the Sanctuary? We could do a supply run in one of the nearby towns.’ Adriana finally spoke up with a smile and Daniel nodded while Carl lifted his head, his blue eye still watering from the stress of all his thoughts.

‘On our own?’

‘We’re adults, Carl. We ain’t kids anymore. We can go out without Negan watching our every move like a parent.’ She rolled her eyes, taking a bite of her own apple and grinning through the mouthful when Daniel smiled too.

_‘Great idea. Your Majesty, would you accompany us on our great expedition?’_

Carl couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him at Daniel’s dramatic expression, and his eye brightened at the thought of getting out with his friends without Negan looming over his back.

‘I’d be honoured to join you on your journey!’ He joined in with his friend’s silly antics, putting his hands on his hips with a grin.

They all laughed as they moved back into the normal routine of night duty, Daniel plucking Carl’s apple from his hand and setting it down on the grate in a safe place so it wouldn’t fall off the platform.

 _‘Bedtime for his royal Majesty. Come on, you need sleep.’_ The other male insisted, nudging his friend’s shoulder until he laid down and lying back with him, leaving Adriana to her position where she looked out on the horizon.

‘Two hours sleep at a time, assholes, remember the rule.’ She laughed, rolling her eyes when Carl stuck his tongue out at her and turning back to her post.

Daniel and Carl looked up at the stars, shoulders sagging with relaxation as they watched the sky. The one thing that had not changed since the beginning of the end.

‘Hey, make a wish!’ Adriana called as Daniel’s hand appeared in his line of sight to point at the star rushing past them, leaving a white line across the sky.

The other teen nodded with a laugh, shutting his eyes and breathing slowly in and out.

_I wish for Negan and me to live forever, and never have to watch the other die._

God, he hoped the star would grant his wish.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comment if you like, y'all :3
> 
> I love you all so much ^^ Thank you for reading!

The young Saviour snuck back into his shared room in the early hours of the morning, thoroughly rested despite being at the lookout post all night. Between the three of them, Carl, Adriana and Daniel had gotten five hours of sleep each, alternating shifts of watching the horizon so that no one got too pissy about having to do all the work.

In the hours they didn’t sleep, they talked about their planned journey for the next day, debating how far out they should go and which neighbourhood would wield the best adventure and the best supply haul. It took a bit of argument and discussion before they settled on the little town without a welcome sign that sat ten miles outside of Sanctuary limits.

It was quaint, with one high street of stores and avenues of houses weaving paths into overgrown land behind them. Carl had been there before when he was younger, he would discover when they arrived, remembering the smell of the wet grass in a rickety playpark that no one had frequented since the death of the world. The town seemed like a good hiding place for people with good quality supplies so they made it their destination and headed back to their rooms to get ready for the trip.

When Carl snuck into the room, Negan was still asleep, his arm wrapped around a pillow like a replacement for his husband’s body that he usually held onto through the night. He looked peaceful, the fringe of his growing black hair falling over his eyes as he breathed in and out, his long frame rising and falling with each easy breath.

It made the teen smile, and he shed the leather jacket that was wrapped around him to slide under the covers, stroking Negan’s face with a gentle touch and kissing him as lightly as possible so he didn’t wake the man. His efforts were in vain, however, as whiskey-brown irises met his gaze when he pulled away, a smile etched onto the older Saviour’s lips.

‘You’re awake.’

‘And you finally came to bed. How was the night shift?’ Negan asked in a murmur, lying flat on his back now to rub his eyes.

Carl watched him with a smile, running his hand down his husband’s tattooed chest with a hum as he replied.

‘It was fun. We’ve planned a trip outside the wall today.’

‘A what?’

That soft demeanour that Negan had been sporting for so long since the wall went up melted away when Carl mentioned going outside, his eyes dark this time when he stared back at him. The teen frowned, reaching his hand up to his cheek and tilting his head, confused about why he was acting that way. He had spent so many months being aloof and happy, Carl thought all the darkness was gone, but now he felt like he was staring into the face of the Devil again.

‘A trip outside. There’s a town about ten miles away that could have supplies and we thought it could be an opportunity to see something other than the Sanctuary after so many months.’

Negan’s attitude didn’t change even with the reassurance, and Carl flinched when the man got out of bed, shrugging him off.

‘We have supplies in the storage rooms, enough to last us for two years, and you’re not a supply runner. You shouldn’t be going outside the wall.’ He muttered, his tone sour as he stood up and Carl followed him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

‘I lived out there for years, Negan, I know how to handle myself.’

‘I don’t think you do.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You’re weak now, you live a peaceful life like a child here.’

Carl gritted his teeth when Negan referred to him as a child, shaking his head and taking his hand away from his skin again.

‘I’m not a fucking child. And how can you call me weak? You haven’t beaten anyone to death since the wall went up. You haven’t executed anyone, you haven’t even gone on a supply run! You’ve been teaching kids about gardening like an old man!’

‘Watch your fucking mouth!’ Carl was surprised when the man whipped around from pulling a shirt on, abandoning the activity in favour of wrapping his hand around his husband’s throat and pinning him against the wall.

The grip he had on his neck was just tight enough to have him gasping but he didn’t let the man see any sign of pain, staring back into his eyes.

‘Yeah, anyone calls you old and you kill them, huh? Don’t want to accept the grey hairs? Don’t want to accept the fact that your younger partner is better than you now?’

The hurt in Negan’s eyes was almost tangible, filling his gaze enough to make Carl feel awful about what he’d said, but he didn’t take it back, hissing at him instead while the man was still rendered speechless.

‘You didn’t even ask if I want kids, you just went ahead and started giving me potential names and talking about your students and how cute they are to manipulate me!’

‘I want kids with you because I love you, because I think you’d make a good parent, and because I think - despite that fucked up glint you get in your eye whenever you see me beating in someone’s brain - that you’d make a good fucking father!’

Carl frowned, feeling the grip on his neck loosen and shoving Negan away, starting to get dressed in safe clothes for leaving the Sanctuary while ignoring his husband completely. Negan stood behind him with his arms crossed, less angry now than he was worried. He hadn’t meant to get so angry when Carl called him old but all his insecurities about dying before the teen and leaving him alone in the world just came flooding in and he couldn’t stop his hand from choking him.

He let out a sigh as Carl dressed in a warmer shirt and pulled on the leather jacket that he never wore anymore, reaching out to touch his cheek. He knew he had to fix this.

‘Carl, I just see how much you miss Judith, and maybe if you had someone else to look after, you’d feel better again.’

In hindsight, Negan knew he should have worded that differently.

‘So you want me and you to have kids to replace my little sister? Are you fucking kidding me?’

As the older man tried to take it back, Carl was already storming out of the room with his boots in his hand, rage emitting from every pore in his skin as the door slammed and Negan was left alone to his thoughts.

_‘What’s wrong with your face?’_

Daniel was the first to call him out when Carl stormed downstairs to the car they were driving out of the Sanctuary, a scowl set into his features. The teen disregarded his signing with a dismissive wave, flopping down into the car and shutting the door.

‘Let’s go.’

His friends eyed his sour expression for a moment before deciding not to fight him about it, getting into the car while Carl turned on the engine and watching the landscape pass them by as they drove out of the back entrance that they kept wide enough for vehicles.

Ten miles wasn’t all that far when you had a car to get you there, Carl realised, and it felt like much less of a journey than walking it. They drove on a straight road all the way until there was a right turn into the little town they were searching for, the sign towering over the land still burned to a crisp so that the name remained unknown.

He took the car through the streets at a slow pace, wary of dangerous people running at them any second, until they came across a sight that made Carl’s blood run cold.

Further ahead of the car’s nose, a circle of bodies lay on the ground, blood pools visible under them from a distance. It made Daniel shiver and Adriana gulp as Carl stopped the car on the side of the road, parked on the kerb outside some houses. No one said anything for a few seconds, and the teen wondered whether they’d made a mistake in coming out here without any backup.

That was a lot of walkers to deal with if they weren’t as dead as they appeared.

‘Okay, we’re going to take this slow. If they’re still active, we shoot, but don’t waste bullets if they’re already dead.’ Carl told his friends calmly, looking to see them both nod before picking up his silenced pistol and getting out of the car.

Nothing moved as they approached the circle, the bodies still in the same position, and as they got closer to the circle, Carl realised that they all had guns and they all had bullet holes in their brains. They really were all dead.

‘Looks like a suicide pact to me.’ Adriana spoke up from where she kneeled beside one of the bodies, tilting her head.

‘This one doesn’t have a gun.’

Carl frowned, coming over to kneel beside her as Daniel inspected the rest of the bodies with curiosity.

‘They have a wound in their stomach too. Maybe someone else killed them?’

‘So we’re murder detectives now?’ Adriana joked, looking over at Daniel who was looking for torso wounds on the others.

‘What do you think, Voiceless?’

The other teen looked up at her with a glower on his face at the use of the nickname, signing his reply.

_‘First of all, I don’t appreciate that nickname. But secondly, I think something went wrong with her death. Maybe she shot her stomach instead and someone else had to put her down?’_

Adriana and Carl frowned, looking down at the dead woman. Carl reached out an unsteady hand to her face, still afraid she might come alive and bite him despite knowing she couldn’t, and lifted one of her eyelids to check for infection. When the eye showed up yellow and rimmed with red, he nodded, glancing up at them both.

‘She turned before she was shot in the head.’

‘So which one shot-’ Adriana was cut off as a gunshot rang through the air surrounding them, causing all their eyes to widen when the cry of a child began too.

The trio stared at each other for a moment, trying to figure out where the shot had come from, before Daniel spoke up.

_‘We need to find that kid before we get swarmed.’_

Carl nodded, gesturing to the other houses.

‘Search everywhere, follow where the crying gets louder.’ He told them before running off, listening to the cries of the invisible child until he reached a tall white house, the door and windows boarded up on the outside.

The crying was definitely inside the house he was staring up at, so Carl raised his pistol, approaching the door and kicking it. It took a few hits but it finally broke open at the lock, letting the teen enter and look around.

The inside of the house looked perfectly normal, toys strewn all over the floor with a highchair sitting by the kitchen counter, but the boarded windows showed the colours of the world they all lived in, and blood spatters trailing up the stairs proved to him that horror hadn’t left this household alone.

He followed the droplets to the second floor of the house, the cries of the child only getting louder as he approached a door with a bloody handprint streaked on it. He went slowly, worried about running into a walker in such a tight spot, but as he opened the door, his discovery showed that wasn’t a problem.

Lying on the carpet was a woman with the skin of her arm torn from a walker bite and a gunshot through her temple. A small pool of blood was spreading outwards from her wound, and her eyes were still open, staring with a blank expression at the ceiling. The shock of the sight made Carl freeze for a moment before he could process the crying again, looking to the crib beside the body and seeing a little girl with blonde hair sitting inside it.

His eye widened at the sight, taking in the tears streaming down her chubby cheeks and the stuffed fox toy she was holding like a vice in her small hands. She was wailing so hard he was sure that walkers would hear it from a mile away - that wasn’t good.

‘Hey, hey, beautiful! It’s okay, ssh, I’ve got you! You don’t need to cry!’ Carl reassured, crossing the room to the crib and lifting her out of it, using the same tone of voice as he did with Judith months before.

The little girl fit into his arms like she was meant to be there, her hands still gripping the fox between her small body and Carl’s chest. Looking down at her, he saw that her eyes were blue like his, tears still falling from them until he started bouncing her in his hold, her cries quieting almost immediately as she stared back at him.

‘There we go, nice and calm. Is this yours? It’s very cute, do they have a name?’ He asked the toddler on the off chance that she might reply, wondering if she could speak yet.

When all he got was a blank stare, he sighed, holding her closer and continuing to bounce her up and down to keep her calm. He didn’t even think twice about packing a bag full of her stuff, using the biggest bag he could find and stuffing clothes, toys and all the supplies he’d need to take care of a child, giving her one of the pacifiers to keep her quiet for now.

Once everything was packed, Carl caught a glimpse of the notebook sitting on the changing table, lifting it and flicking through the pages. It was pages and pages of tally marks, with three notes that marked how old the toddler had been. From what he could figure out, she had only turned three twenty days before, which made sense with how small she was.

Looking back down at the toddler, he smiled at the sight of her playing with his hair.

‘So you’re three years old, huh?’

The little girl said nothing yet again, entranced by Carl’s hair while he added the notebook to the supply bag and zipped it up. Crouching down to the body of the woman on the floor, he closed her dead eyes gently, smiling brighter when the toddler in his arms touched his cheek. He kissed her cheek softly as he stood again, carrying her out to the car with his gun raised in case of threats and wandering over to the car where Daniel and Adriana were already standing.

_‘Hey, you found the kid.’_

‘Yeah. The shot was her mother. That walker must have bitten her.’ Carl sighed, smiling still so he didn’t concern the toddler without noticing that she was already falling asleep on his shoulder.

‘So you’re adopting her?’

The teen frowned at Adriana’s question, looking down at the toddler and watching her drift off, falling in love with all the similarities she had to Judith. She was perfect…

‘Yeah, I am.’


	35. 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why hello, my dearest readers - long time no see, am I right?
> 
> It's been a long few months of university assessments and zero time to write my beloved fics on this account, but I have returned!  
>  \ (^.^) /
> 
> I have a long six week break from uni over Christmas and I plan to make use of it to finally finish this story and work on a few others.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter and are pleased by my return :3
> 
> Welcome back to the Thunderdome, friends! \ ('^') /

The little girl Carl had found slept in his arms the whole way back to the Sanctuary, leaving Daniel to drive the car and Adriana to keep her gun in hand in case there were any problems on the road. Carl had settled her onto his lap as soon as they got in the back seat, not wanting either of them to get hurt in the front if the worst happened and the car crashed. She had tucked her face into his neck, quite content about napping in his hold.

‘I’m surprised how quiet she is after all that screaming she did at the house.’ Adriana smiled at the sight of the toddler resting silently on Carl’s lap, making him smile and run a hand over the girl’s blonde curls.

‘She tired herself out, I guess.’

‘What happened between you and Negan?’

Carl shook his head, doing his best not to disturb the kid and looking over at his friend.

‘Nothing important.’ He lied, not particularly wanting to address the bruises beginning to form in fingerprints on his neck.

Adriana didn’t seem to mind that he didn’t want to talk, looking away from him and out of the window to check for walkers. When she didn’t spot any immediate danger, she spoke up again.

‘Will he be helping carry the crib upstairs or should I get Oliver and Rory on the radio to help?’

‘Get those two. Negan can fuck off for all I care right now- ow!’ Carl complained when she smacked him on the side of the head.

‘What was that for?!’

‘Your kid is awake and you’re swearing in front of her.’ The young woman scolded, gesturing to the set of bright blue eyes staring up at Carl’s face.

The teen grumbled internally, refraining from hitting Adriana back as payment since he didn’t want to make the little girl in his grip upset. He gave her a gentle smile, brushing her fringe away from her eyes and poking her nose, not sure why her lack of voice put him at such unease. Usually he liked the quiet.

‘Did you have a nice nap?’ He hummed at the girl but once again he got no response.

Keeping the smile on his face since it seemed to keep her calm, Carl kissed her forehead, giving a wave to the guards who opened the gates for the car. Brie and Cara waved back to him from their position, both frowning in confusion at the sight of a blonde toddler on their leader’s knee and the crib strapped to the roof of the car before they walked over to help unload whatever was in there.

Cara’s eyes brightened significantly at the sight of the little girl and she approached Carl as soon as he got out with the kid still quiet as a mouse on his hip.

‘Who’s this?’

‘She doesn’t have a name yet; I’m calling her Little Fox until I’ve thought of something.’ He responded, shifting his arms a bit so he could hold her closer and smiling when she reached for his hair again.

Cara nodded at his reply, stroking the toddler’s head with a gentle touch, and smiling brighter when she looked up at her.

‘You found her out there? Where the hell was she?’

‘Living with her mum in a boarded-up house. The mum got bit though, I was lucky to find her. She would have starved to death in that crib.’ Carl frowned, kissing her cheek while her small hands played with his hair, entranced by the brown waves.

They stood there for a moment while other Saviours took the supplies allocated to their division of the Sanctuary, taking in the warmth of the sun and the quiet babbling noises the little girl on Carl’s hip made, before Adriana called them both to the car.

‘We can carry this up now.’

‘I’ll take one end. Rory! Get your arse over here and help me with this thing!’ Cara yelled to her fellow guard who nodded, jogging over to help get the crib down from the roof.

‘Take it up to mine and Negan’s room. I’ll go in front so he doesn’t murder you for coming in uninvited.’ The Queen sighed, giving the kid a grin before making his way into the main factory.

Cara and Rory followed close behind with the giant mahogany crib, carefully manoeuvring it up the flights of stairs until they reached the top floor where the leaders’ bedroom was. Carl opened the door ahead of them, walking in without acknowledging Negan who was perched on the edge of their bed, clearly getting ready to talk to his husband as he stood up at the sight of him.

‘Carl,’ He started but the teen cut him off by turning to Cara and Rory, opening the door wider for them so they could carry in the crib.

‘Put it on my side of the bed so I can get to her during the night.’ He told his friends with a smile that disappeared when Negan spoke again.

‘Where the fuck did you get a crib?’

‘I don’t know, Negan, I’m holding a toddler right now so maybe you should be able to figure it out from that.’ Carl replied in a blunt tone, bouncing the girl up and down gently in his grip.

Negan gave him a sharp glare in response, watching him interact with the kid and sitting down on the bed again.

‘She likes your hair.’ He hummed, observing as the toddler gripped at Carl’s hair, causing the teen to wince just a little at how tight she held it.

He did his best not to show his pain, not wanting to alarm her, before setting her down inside her crib with her fox plushie.

‘I’ll be back in a minute, little fox, you stay in there cosy and safe.’ He tapped her nose then turned to Negan, stripping off his jacket.

‘Watch her just now. I need to go to the toilet.’ Carl told him in a stern voice before disappearing through the door to go to the bathroom.

The older man watched him leave, still feeling the anger radiating off of his husband when he looked in his eyes. He hated that he’d managed to upset him about his sister, but he was glad that he had gotten home safe. The addition of the toddler came as a shock at first though the sight of Carl being gentle and parental with her made his heart melt, making him wonder if his opinion on having kids was softening. Maybe they’d adopt the little girl staring up at him with big blue eyes.

Negan smiled at the kid, getting up from the bed and crouching in front of her crib to face her at eye level.

‘Hi Sweet-cheeks. Can you speak yet?’ He spoke to her in a soft tone, not wanting to frighten the little girl with his rugged appearance and scruffy stubble. 

He was half convinced that he had blood on him somewhere and was traumatising the precious thing.

When there was no response to his question, he tilted his head, reaching a hand through the gap in the crib and pointing to her toy.

‘That’s your favourite toy, huh? You’re gripping it awfully hard.’ He smiled, trying to look kind rather than frightening like he so often did to their enemies.

He acted like he did around his students, soft spoken and gentle so as to give himself a better reputation with the newest generation of Saviours. The toddler stared back at him with blank eyes, so the man tried a brighter smile instead of speaking.

That caused her to reach out with one hand to grab at his. Grinning wider, Negan grabbed her hand back before standing up and lifting the little girl out of her crib.

‘Aren’t you just the most beautiful princess, huh?’ He hummed, holding her close and chuckling when she touched his stubbled cheek with one of her little hands.

Sitting down again so that he was leaning against the headboard of his and Carl’s bed on his side, he held her close in his lap, supporting her back and petting her hair with a gentle touch.

‘What should we call you, huh? What’s my husband been calling you?’ He cooed, catching her head against his chest when she started falling asleep again.

Negan sighed, stroking his fingers through the toddler’s curls and leaning his head back against the wall while he watched her sleep. Glancing over at her crib, he gazed at the white plastic flowers stuck to it, frowning as he thought to himself.

‘What’s that flower called? Jasmine… little Jasmine.’ He whispered to himself, smiling at the three-year-old who was still tucked into his neck, breathing softly in her sleep.

Shutting his eyes after that, he heaved out a sigh, falling asleep slowly at the same time as Carl came back into the room, a small green blanket hanging from his grip. The sight of Negan with the little girl made his heart ache – he knew they’d be keeping the toddler with them from now on.

Draping the blanket over Jasmine’s small body gently, he sat on the other side of the bed, leaning into Negan’s shoulder. The scent of dirt and whiskey with a little bit of blood put him at ease, lulling him to sleep until his and Negan’s earlier argument disappeared from his mind completely.


	36. 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo, new chapter! :3
> 
> Please comment if you enjoy, I've missed my readers ;-;

Negan was still asleep a few hours after Carl awoke, snoring so much that it woke both him and their new addition to the family.

Carl wasn’t sure if he should be thinking that way yet. Sure, Negan had fallen asleep with the little girl in his arms but that didn’t necessarily mean he wanted to keep her. Kids were a liability, they both knew that, so despite whatever fondness Negan had showed towards his students, the brunette teen still didn’t let himself get too hopeful about keeping the toddler.

She looked so much like Judith that it was hard not to get attached though. He hated that feeling, the overwhelming protective urge that went through him whenever the kid stared up at him and batted her big blue eyes. He wanted to protect her from the world beyond their wall. Carl didn’t understand how that mother could have been so stupid, having a kid in the middle of an apocalypse. He couldn’t judge though. There was no way to tell who the father was, but he supposed the girl could have been the product of assault, in which case he felt even worse for the little girl. He wouldn’t tell her, there was no good side of knowing something like that.

Carl was distracted from his running thoughts when the toddler’s hand batted at his, attempting to get his attention while he sat on the couch with her on his lap. Looking down at those bright blue eyes, both still intact and in their small sockets, he smiled.

‘What is it, Little Fox? Is it… is it Mr. Fox? You want to play with Mr. Fox?’ He cooed in a playful voice to the toddler, picking up her stuffed fox toy beside his hand.

Moving it in front of her face, Carl watched her eyes track it, knowing from his limited knowledge of kids that reactions to bright colours and movement were a good sign for development. She tracked the toy a little longer before Carl bonked her on the nose with the fox, grinning at the astounded expression on her face.

‘Did Mr. Fox hit you? Oh my, oh my, what a bad fox, he deserves a smack, doesn’t he?’ He expressed, hitting the stuffed animal on the nose.

He felt his heart melting at the sound that came after his own improvised puppet show, looking down at the toddler with a dazed expression while she giggled at him.

‘You’re laughing, Little Fox. That’s amazing…’ He sighed, kissing her forehead and then booping her nose gently.

‘You have the prettiest laugh, yes you do!’ He grinned, so distracted by the toddler that he didn’t hear Negan wake up from the bed.

Negan groaned at the feeling of light invading his eyes when he finally awoke, wondering what time it was if he was waking up to bright light coming in through his window. Lifting his head from where he had presumably been sat sleeping upright all night, he frowned when he realised Jasmine wasn’t on his lap anymore.

‘Jasmine?’ He rubbed his eyes, running a hand through his hair in a shoddy attempt to wake himself up.

It didn’t work much, his groggy sensation only amplified by the greasy touch of his hair, but he made out Carl’s voice among all the bright light invading his   
vision.

‘Who’s Jasmine? Did you pick up another wife while I was away?’

Carl didn’t sound too happy to hear that Negan was awake so he turned his head to look at him, frowning when he saw the teen with the toddler on his lap.

‘I was referring to the kid. I don’t have wives anymore, you know that.’ He insisted, sitting up and walking over to the pair of them while rubbing a hand over his stubbled face.

He sat down beside Carl, not willing to sit too far away from his new Princess, and let her latch onto his hand when he offered it.

Carl was quiet beside him for a moment before speaking, running a hand over Jasmine’s curls.

‘I like that name, it suits her. How did you come up with it?’

‘The white flowers on her crib look like Jasmine flowers, I thought it would make a good name.’ Negan explained, watching as Carl poked the toddler’s nose again to make her giggle.

‘You’re good with her.’

‘I had a little sister to entertain once upon a time, I know how to communicate with kids.’

‘Thought it was just your natural charisma.’ The older man joked, earning an irritated glare from his husband, and putting his hands up in surrender.

‘Wow, can’t even make jokes, okay. You want to tell me why you have blood in your nailbeds? What happened when you found her?’ He asked curiously, smiling at Jasmine who stared at him blankly while suckling on a green pacifier, her stuffed fox gripped tight in her hands.

Carl didn’t say anything for a moment, looking like he was too caught up in his own memories to express his feelings to the man, before he finally spoke.

‘Her mother was part of a suicide pact in the town we went to. They all shot themselves in the head, but she must have been too afraid to do it because she had shot another member who turned. I found her in Jasmine’s room, there was a bloody handprint on the door. She shot herself to avoid turning from a bite on her arm. If I hadn’t been there, Jasmine would have starved to death in that crib, Negan.’ He choked out, his eye filling with tears that quickly overflowed and ran down his cheek, wetting the collar of his shirt.

‘Oh, rabbit…’ Negan sighed, wrapping his arm around his boy’s shoulders to let him tuck into his neck and rubbing his back as he began to cry, letting all his emotions from the past few days unload onto Negan’s shirt.

The King held onto him tightly, no longer worried about him running off because he was angry. Now Negan was just worried about his mind.

‘Rabbit, tell me what’s wrong, let me fix it.’ He whispered to him in a soft voice, not wanting to spook him out of his arms again.

Carl shook his head, his hands faltering around Jasmine a little as he tried to speak. The toddler reacted well by grabbing onto his shirt in her small fists. 

When Negan looked at her to make sure she was okay, he noticed the tears welling up in her little eyes and realised her pacifier was the only thing keeping her reactive cries from filling the entire Sanctuary.

‘Judith’s gone and I wasn’t there to save her-’ Was all Carl managed to choke out, burying his head further into Negan’s shoulder as he let out weak sobs.

The man sighed. Now he had an emotionally distraught husband and a daughter reacting to his upset with her own cries to deal with. How did he end up here?

‘Okay, we’re going to have a little cuddle session and let you get all this out. Come here, Princess.’ He cooed to Jasmine, lifting her out of Carl’s arms while the teen hiccupped beside him, watching with watery eyes as Negan shifted their positions on the couch then stood up with Jasmine nestled into his shoulder.

His larger hand reached for Carl’s, rough and warm and welcoming, so the younger took it, letting Negan lead him to the bed.

Carl had never been so ready to cry his eyes out for hours when Negan offered him his hand. He latched onto the man instinctively and let himself be guided to their bed and onto Negan’s lap.

He straddled the older man, Jasmine cuddled between them while Carl rested his forehead on Negan’s shoulder. He took a deep breath, the sound rattling through his lungs as his whole body shook while he sobbed weak cries into Negan’s shirt.

He could feel Jasmine staring up at him, bright blue eyes focused on her saviour. It was comforting to know that even if he hadn’t been able to save his baby sister, he had saved Jasmine from a horrid fate, and now he and Negan could raise her together. Thinking that particular thought only made him cry more, though they were happier tears this time.

He was just so grateful that he’d managed to do something right and good for once. His dad was wrong to hate the Saviours, he knew that now. They were bringing a new world order to the apocalyptic scenario they found themselves in, giving people a purpose and a new life that worked and made sense even if the walkers trying to eat them every day didn’t make sense at all. They were good because he was one of them.


	37. 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter :3 Comment if you like x
> 
> If I can stick to a schedule, this will be updated every 3 days! :3

‘I don’t know why people used to complain about their kids crying so much. Jazz hasn’t said a word for a week.’ Negan shrugged where they stood in line for food, Cara shrugging in response to his words too.

The line moved up one and they both stepped closer to where Denise was serving up everyone’s breakfast. Jasmine was settled in Cara’s arms with her head resting on the woman’s shoulder. She wasn’t asleep but she looked close to it.

‘I mean she’s three years old with guardians that give her anything she wants and a comfortable crib to sleep in. I don’t think she has much to cry about, and she obviously agrees.’ Cara hummed, running a hand over the toddler’s hair, and kissing her forehead as she continued to doze off.

‘She sleeps really well too. Falling asleep in the main hall is difficult even if you’re flat out exhausted.’

Negan sighed with a nod, petting Jasmine’s head gently before running a hand through his own hair, picking up the filled water bottle with his name etched on it as Cara did the same. Daniel, already standing beside them, took both his own and Carl’s, knowing Negan would need at least one hand to carry their food upstairs to his young husband.

‘Carl’s still asleep then?’ Denise asked the King as the friend group finally reached her position at the end of the line.

The older man nodded while their food was served up on plates then set on a tray for Negan to carry upstairs.

Denise shook her head with a sigh, adding Jasmine’s formula bottle to the tray.

‘Tell that boy he needs to get up earlier or I’ll drag him out of that bed myself.’ She warned, smiling kindly to Jasmine when she lifted her head to look at the woman.

‘Good morning, flower. Your Daddy’s such a lazy sausage, isn’t he?’

Jasmine didn’t understand her words, not yet anyway, but she copied her smile, quickly distracted by Cara offering the formula bottle to the hungry toddler.   
She latched onto it, clearly quite hungry, and stared at her aunt as if she were god for feeding her.

‘Thanks for the breakfast, Dee. I’ll give him your warning and see if it works.’

‘Oh, speak of the devil and he shall appear.’ Cara chuckled when the teen they’d been talking about shuffled over to them, rubbing his eye to get the sleep out of it.

Carl smiled with a tired expression at her comment, reaching for Jasmine once he appeared more awake.

‘Give me my baby.’

Cara shook her head, moving her arms so Jasmine was further away from the young man. The toddler giggled around her bottle at the movement, looking at her aunt with bright eyes who looked back at Carl.

‘She’s spending time with her Auntie Cara right now, Daddy can wait.’ She argued, kissing the girl’s forehead, and bouncing her up and down.

Carl rolled his eye at her response, turning to Daniel instead for his water bottle and taking a sip from it. He eyed the bottle suspiciously, tasting something unfamiliar and looking to Denise for confirmation of its safety.

The old woman shook her head, letting out a sigh of exasperation and moving to serve the next person in the line.

‘It’s cucumber, not poison, you scaredy cat. Be a bit more adventurous.’

‘I’m pretty sure that’s what the scientists said before they released the walker virus.’ Cara laughed while wandering off towards the tables with Jasmine still sitting comfortably in her arms.

‘At least we can make jokes about it now.’ Negan rolled his eyes at her comment, sticking his tongue out at Jasmine to make her giggle while Cara settled her in a highchair.

The toddler continued to drink her breakfast formula quite happily, kicking her legs and reaching out for Carl when both her new guardians approached the table too.

Carl stopped by her highchair, taking the seat beside it, and cupping his daughter’s cheeks, squishing them gently between his thumbs.

‘You’re the most beautiful girl, yes you are.’ He reassured her with a coo, making Negan smile at their interaction.

‘You’re going to make her into a spoiled brat, Carl.’ Daniel signed, smiling at the scene in front of him and sitting down beside Cara, nudging her arm which she returned, stealing his bottle as payback and wrestling with him playfully for a moment before settling down.

Once they were done playfighting, the group actually started to get on with eating their breakfast, hungrily shoveling everything down their respective throats in preparation for the day. Ada was still missing after a while, so Carl turned to Daniel from where he was playing peek-a-boo with Jasmine, tilting his head.

‘Where’s Ada? I thought Harriet was at the Mercury outpost today so she would have been spending more time with us.’ He frowned, watching as Daniel lifted his hands to speak and then yelping when something hit him on the back of the head, causing a dull pain to go through his skull.

Gasping, affronted at the attack on his head, he turned to argue with whatever Saviour had hit him, in a fighting mood already.

‘What the hell do you- Ada, you bitch.’ He groaned when he saw his friend picking up the apple that she’d thrown at him, glowering at her when she tapped his forehead with her finger.

‘Sorry, Your Majesty.’ She teased, sitting down in the seat beside Daniel and taking a bite of the fruit once she had rubbed it clean on her shirt.

Carl just huffed, looking offended when Jasmine giggled at his reaction. He moved his chair closer to hers, poking the little girl’s cheek and grinning when she giggled again and squirmed at the touch.

‘Are you laughing at me being hit with an apple? How mean to me you are, little flower.’ He cooed, kissing her cheek before letting her go back to the bottle.

‘My niece has a sense of humour.’ Cara grinned as she took a bite of bacon, poking Jasmine’s small nose and glancing at Negan when he spoke.

‘She’s taking after me already, laughing at other people’s pain. She’ll make a good leader one day.’ He chuckled, draping his arm across the back of Carl’s chair while the teen ate his food.

Everyone sat in comfortable silence while they finished their meals, Cara eventually lifting Jasmine from her highchair and sitting her on her lap for a cuddle once she had finished her food.

The Saviours slowly finished their meals around them and filed out of the main hall to do their respective jobs, leaving only the table of leaders to their breakfast. Carl could see Oliver and Brie on the other side of the hall getting ready for the supply run, slipping their blades into the pockets all along their body and their pistols into their holsters. Brie had a shotgun strapped to her back – she was better with a bigger weapon.

The teen watched them for a moment, enjoying the ease with which they prepared to go into the world. It made him feel like their chances of survival were better, with people like them running the security and supply run squads.

Turning to Negan, he nudged his arm, smiling when the older man automatically looked back at him to see what was wrong, swallowing the scrambled eggs in his mouth.

‘Rabbit?’

Carl hummed at the nickname, wiping the man’s mouth of crumbs so they didn’t stick in his beard.

‘Can we go on the supply run to Hilltop today? I want to introduce Jasmine to Daryl and Michonne.’ He requested softly, glancing over to where Cara was tickling the toddler to make her giggle.

Looking to Negan again, he smiled brightly when he nodded.

‘You can bring her, but only if I’m there to keep Ricky away. I don’t trust him not to hurt her with how much he hates me.’ The man pointed out, causing Carl to nod.

‘I know what you mean, though I don’t think Michonne would like it if he hurt her. She’ll like Daryl, he’s a bit like you so that’ll put her at ease.’ He hummed, laughing at the offended expression on his husband’s face.

‘I am nothing like Daryl.’

‘You so are.’

∞

‘Cara, she’s fine! She’s got Mr. Fox, a warm coat, boots on and both of her capable parents to look after her.’ Negan argued as Cara continued to fuss over whether Jasmine was ready for a trip outside of the wall.

The woman made sure her coat was fully zipped up and that Negan had a hat for her in case it got colder before she finally stopped stressing, planting one more long kiss on her niece’s forehead before stepping back to let the two men get into the truck.

Carl couldn’t help but laugh at how frustrated Cara seemed over even a small trip out, but in the back of his mind he knew this trip was a potentially dangerous one. Neither of them ever knew how Rick was going to react to their appearance at the gate, it was always a lottery with the man, but Carl tried to remain hopeful.

Getting into the driver’s seat and letting Negan sit with Jasmine on the passenger side, he rolled his eyes when Cara once again tried to argue the safety of taking Jasmine with them to the settlement.

‘What if you crash the truck? It isn’t safe to have a child in a vehicle with no back seat, Negan!’

‘Carl isn’t going to crash the truck, Cara. If he thought he was, he wouldn’t be taking the risk. As long as I’m holding Jazz, she’ll be fine.’ He responded, smiling when Jasmine tugged at his black hair that was starting to grow longer at the back.

Cara huffed from outside the truck when the older man finally shut the door, nodding reluctantly.

‘Fine. Just make sure that psycho doesn’t get his hands on her.’ She sighed, waving to Allison and Jerry to open the gates for the truck.

Carl drove through the conservative gap slowly, glad for the fact that there were no walkers milling around the fence today, and started the journey to Hilltop.

It took them a good few hours to get there as usual and by the time they did, both Negan and Jasmine were fast asleep beside the teen, the toddler resting on her holder’s chest like a pillow and snoring softly.

As he approached the Hilltop gates, Carl groaned, knowing he’d have to wake Negan and subsequently Jasmine now.

‘Neeg, we’re at Hilltop.’ He told him softly, nudging the man’s shoulder and smiling when he woke, stirring Jasmine too.

The little girl blinked tiredly as she woke up, rubbing her eyes with her small hands and looking up at them.

‘Hey, sweetheart.’ Negan smiled at her, petting her cheek before looking out at the Hilltop gates.

‘Whoopee, can’t say I’ve missed this place.’ He drawled, giving a salute to the people on the fence lookouts who glared down at their truck.

‘Don’t encourage the hatred, Negan, we need to be nice today to keep her safe.’ Carl insisted, petting Jasmine’s cheek, and nodding to Maggie when he saw her opening the gates for them.

He hopped out of the truck with ease, hugging her tight and then going around to the passenger’s side to get his daughter from Negan.

‘A friendly face holding her will be better for introductions.’ He told the man softly, taking Jasmine into his arms and kissing her nose.

Negan scoffed.

‘I am friendly.’

‘Not to them.’ Carl laughed, carrying the toddler over to meet Maggie whose eyes brightened at the sight of her.

‘Aren’t you just the most beautiful little thing I have ever seen? Hi!’ The woman took her gently from the teen and hugged her close, sighing.

‘She’s so cute. Was she abandoned somewhere?’ She asked Carl curiously who shrugged.

‘Something like that. Where’s Daryl? I wanted Jazz to meet her uncle while we collect the supply share.’ He smiled, poking Jasmine’s cheek who nuzzled into Maggie like she did with Cara back at the Sanctuary.

Maggie rubbed the back of her neck, looking awkward.

‘That’s a complicated story.’

‘Sure looks complicated to me. Looks like you took a leaf out of our gay book, huh, Ricky?!’ Negan called out loudly, causing Carl to turn his head and look in the direction he was shouting.

As he did, he was met with the sight of Daryl and his dad pressed together on the porch steps of the house Rick and Michonne occupied, or had done last time Carl checked, kissing and holding onto each other like Negan and Carl kissed all the time.

Negan’s voice clearly spooked them as they pulled away from each other’s mouths, looking over to the Saviours with red lips swollen from kissing.

Well, this was new.


	38. This isn't an update, I'm sorry ;-;

Heyo everybody, sorry for this author's note! :3

After thinking over the next plot point in this lil story here, I came upon a new original character in my head who would act as a love interest for Daryl - I will probably write a short story for her at some point - and I wondered if any of my lovely Cegan friends could give me an idea of how I could transition from Daryl being with Rick to Daryl being with her.

My plan on how to introduce her is to have the Saviours find her on a supply run and bring her back with them because despite having a gash in her shin, she managed to kill one of them so that makes her tough and they wanted her on their side, and when Carl meets her, he decides to have her part of the security team which is when she meets Daryl on the next run to Hilltop.

Like Cara, she's fiercely protective of Jasmine so when Daryl goes to take her from Carl, new girl gets between them, flips Daryl onto the ground and holds a knife to his throat, snarling at him.

From there, they see each other every week when Carl visits with Jasmine and the others notice them get closer, with Daryl offering her water or little wood carvings that he's started doing since everything calmed down, and it looks like a courting ritual almost to everyone else but Daryl thinks he's just being nice to the angry woman who doesn't speak English.

I thought maybe Rick could notice what's happening between them and encourage Daryl to talk to her more and convince him that he's better off with her cause they're more similar and Rick has a lot on his mind with leading the community and such so he's not sure he has time to give Daryl the attention he deserves (and also Rick's lowkey planning to invade the Sanctuary and kill Negan cause he can't let shit go and just chill) and so more and more of the community are looking at Daryl and the woman like waiting for the other shoe to drop, and eventually you can sorta tell they're together but they don't really do anything other than affectionately headbutt each other in public.

Considering giving her a dog too, cause Daryl likes dogs so they could bond over that.

I don't know, what do you guys think?

Love from Your Author xx


	39. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got carried away with writing this so it's super duper long :3
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy! Remember to comment if you like it :3

Carl tried not to look too alarmed by what he’d just seen when Daryl left Rick’s side as if he’d burned him, the older man approaching with a softened expression when he saw Jasmine in the teen’s arms.

‘Who’s ‘at?’ He asked, voice still as low and gruff as it always was which put Carl at ease.

He held Jasmine more securely in his arms while she stared up at Daryl, her pacifier moving in time with her suckles. Carl smiled, kissing his daughter’s head before he answered the question.

‘This is Jasmine, our little girl. That’s Uncle Daryl, Flower.’

‘More like Great Uncle Daryl now. Yer the third gen’ration, Lil’ Warrior.’ Daryl reached a hesitant hand out to touch her cheek and Carl relaxed when Jasmine nuzzled against his hand like a cat rather than pulling away.

He brushed the toddler’s curls away from her eyes and smiled brighter when her eyes darted between him and Daryl, not knowing who to gaze at.

‘Can I ‘old ‘er?’ The question came out hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if Carl or Negan trusted him that much.

Carl could see the sadness in Daryl’s expression and knew that Jasmine was reminding him of Judith and how they lost her. He felt the same every day when he looked in her eyes, though he tried not to.

Hoisting Jasmine a bit higher in his arms, he glanced at Negan, seeing him talking animatedly to one of the other Hilltop residents as if they were friendly. As if he hadn’t murdered at least ten of them, even though it had been months since he acted like that guy. It was refreshing to see him smile at someone who wasn’t a part of their Saviour inner circle back at home, and the expression actually looked genuine.

‘Neeg?’

The older man’s head lifted as soon as he heard his husband’s voice calling, whisky eyes turning to him with an immediate brighter smile.

‘Yeah, Rabbit?’

‘You think Daryl can hold Jasmine?’

A flash of something protective showed in Negan’s gaze but he shook his head, pointing to Carl.

‘You decide, you know him better.’ He smiled, going back to his conversation, and leaving Carl to turn back to Daryl.

‘Of course, you can hold her. You’re the best nanny I know.’ He replied, letting the man take his daughter and watching as they bonded.

Daryl wasn’t one for saying much. In fact, Carl had witnessed a steady decline over the years of his willingness to speak, like he had gotten more socially awkward as time went on in the apocalypse, but he found that he was good at communicating non-verbally, which helped when talking to his still utterly silent daughter.

Jasmine stared up at him like he hung the moon and the stars, though she stared at anybody who gave her attention that way, and Carl watched while she grabbed at Daryl’s growing hair like she did to his own.

‘Should call you Lil’ Hair-Puller instead.’ The man laughed and caused Jasmine to giggle too, her copying behaviours still intact as she grabbed onto his hand instead, resting her head on Daryl’s shoulder without caring about the muck on his arms.

The archer held her securely, a consistent smile on his face now as he and the toddler stared into each other’s souls.

‘I think she likes you.’

‘I like ‘er too. Missed ‘aving a kid around.’

Carl smiled with a sympathetic expression at Daryl’s words, glancing to where his dad used to be but seeing the space empty. He started walking with Daryl still holding Jasmine, tucking his hands into his jean pockets.

‘So… you and my dad?’ He brought up the subject hesitantly, feeling far too awkward about what he’d witnessed.

Daryl gave him a shrug in response, stroking Jasmine’s hair as he replied.

‘Didn’t mean nothing. Thought I’d feel somethin’ but it didn’ change my life.’

Carl nodded, shrugging.

‘Sometimes it takes a few mistakes to find the right person, Negan certainly wasn’t my first guess at who I’d end up with. Did he have a fight with Michonne?’ He asked, wondering why his dad would kiss Daryl when he already had someone in his life.

The older man glanced at him, nodding a little.

‘Fight, yeah. She’ll be back soon, went on a run.’ He explained, shrugging, and giving Jasmine a smile when she tried to get his attention.

Carl let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair and scuffing his foot on the ground. He wasn’t sure how long it would take Brie and Oliver to pack up the supplies, but he figured they would be done soon. If Michonne wasn’t there to feed him like she always did, he wasn’t sure he’d be welcome any longer period of time.

Negan definitely wouldn’t be.

He was proved wrong about that though when he heard footsteps jogging towards them from behind. Maggie’s short brown hair appeared beside them, a kind smile on her face.

‘Why don’t we eat together? I can make eggs and I’ve got some soup in the fridge we could have for lunch.’

Carl was surprised that the lunch offer came from Maggie of all people. For a moment, he wondered if Negan had done something to force her into inviting them both into her house. He hated thinking that Negan would do something like that, but it was the only explanation he could think of to why Maggie would make lunch for the man who murdered her husband.

He frowned, asking the question just in case he had to scold the man for threatening her.

‘Did Neeg say something to you? Did he threaten you?’

Maggie shook her head, squeezing his shoulder gently and giving him a smile.

‘He got on his knees and kissed my damn hand, apologised and insisted he regrets what he did. That’s all I needed, for him to admit he did wrong.’ There were tears shining in her eyes, making his heart break.

Unable to stop himself, he pulled the older woman into a hug. He stayed latched onto her for a few quiet minutes, relaxing when Maggie hugged him back tightly and kissed his hair.

‘I’m sorry…’

‘I don’t blame you for who you’ve fallen in love with, honey, you had no control over that the same way I didn’t choose to fall in love with Glenn. It’s no one’s fault but Negan’s that he’s dead and your husband has apologised so I’m happy to have you both in the house.’ She responded in a gentle tone of voice, cupping his cheeks when he finally pulled away and giving him a smile.

It put Carl at ease to know that even Maggie accepted Negan into the community now. He knew Negan wanted them to work together – the older man was tired of fighting people who weren’t a threat anymore – so the teen was glad they could finally get a little bit of peace for both of their communities.

‘Kid, Lil Warrior’s gettin’ fussy. You bring formula with you?’ Daryl spoke up from further down the path, bouncing Jasmine up and down in his arms to keep her quiet.

Carl turned to look at him, seeing that the little girl was making more noise now and approaching quickly, taking her back into his arms.

‘Are you hungry, Flower? I think your Papa has some formula with him. Negan! Did Cara give you a bottle for Jazz?!’ He called out to his husband, sighing when he shook his head in response.

‘I don’t think she put any in the bag!’

‘Fuck.’ Carl swore under his breath, ready to stress out before Maggie put a hand on his shoulder.

‘Don’t panic, I have a box in the house I never threw out after we lost your sister. Come on, Dandelion.’ She smiled at Jasmine, taking her from the teen and starting to walk towards the house.

Carl sighed, glad to have others to help him with his daughter. He smiled when he felt arms around his waist from behind, leaning into Negan’s chest and kissing his beard when the man leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek.

‘Thank you for apologising to Maggie.’

Negan nodded, kissing his cheek once more and leaning his chin on top of his head as they headed for Maggie’s house.

‘She deserved to be able to let that rage go. Wasn’t fair to force her to feel that shit, it’s hard enough losing the one you love.’ He sighed, waving to Daryl who just grunted and went inside by himself.

Carl watched the other man disappear with a frown, reaching his hand up to pet his bearded cheek as they stepped inside and milled around while Maggie made lunch.

‘I wish he had someone to talk to. He’s getting lonelier as he gets older.’ The teen hummed, causing Negan to nod.

‘I’m sure he’ll find someone eventually. Shame it didn’t end up being your dad…’

‘Yeah…’ Carl sighed softly, moving to the stove to help Maggie cook lunch.

∞

‘I hope I see you again soon, Dandelion. Auntie Maggie loves you so much.’ Maggie kissed all over the toddler’s face to make her giggle while the supplies shared by Hilltop were packed away.

Carl smiled, watching them interact with a fond expression on his face before moving to talk to Daryl who was still milling around at the edge of the group. He brought him in for a tight hug, feeling how hesitant he still was about physical affection.

‘Keep living with Maggie. I don’t like the idea of you all alone in that little cottage of yours, and I don’t want you becoming a hermit.’ He teased, listening with a laugh when he started grumbling.

‘M’ not a hermit.’

‘Sure, you aren’t. I’ll see you next week.’ He reassured, nudging his arm affectionately so that Daryl didn’t become any more uncomfortable.

The older man nodded, gesturing towards where Maggie was holding onto Jasmine, the toddler reaching out towards Carl.

‘Think Lil’ Warrior wants ‘er Daddy.’

‘I think so too. On you go to your Daddy, Dandelion.’ Maggie hummed, giving the little girl back to the teen after one more kiss on the forehead who hugged her close securely.

He smiled at his chosen family before hearing Negan’s voice coming from the truck, looking over to see him waving.

‘We’re ready to go!’

‘Okay, come on, Flower. See you guys next week.’ Carl waved to the others then climbed into the truck, letting his husband drive so he could hold onto Jasmine and let her wave goodbye as they left the little town.

By the time Negan got them onto the straight road twenty miles away from the Sanctuary, Carl was already fast asleep with his head leaning against the window. Jasmine was out of it too, resting against his chest, with both of them snoring loud enough to fill the whole truck.

‘Can hear your husband even without the walkie.’ Brie’s voice came over the radio as they swerved easily around a dead walker.

Negan chuckled, pressing the button to reply.

‘Try being in front right beside- son of a bitch!’ He cut himself off by yelling when the back tyre started letting out air and causing the truck to lag.

Reacting as quickly as he could to avoid crashing, he pulled the truck over, stopping to get out.

‘What happened?’ Carl’s sleepy voice permeated the air as he woke up at the movement of the truck and Negan’s yelling.

The older man shook his head.

‘It’s just a blown-out tyre, darling, probably went over a sharp rock. Stay here with Jazz.’ He insisted before getting out of the truck slowly, still wary that someone might have attacked the truck.

As he stepped out, he found that Brie and the others had already gotten out to investigate and were now surrounding a hooded figure and a black spaniel. The dog had its teeth bared at the group, snarling at anyone who got close, and the figure had two daggers pointed at everybody, keeping them away.

Negan approached slowly, coming up to stand beside Brie and trying to speak to the stranger so they didn’t murder any of his men.

‘Hey there. My name’s Negan and these are my friends. We aren’t going to hurt you so could you please put those blades away?’ He tried to reason with the figure, giving them a neutral smile to reassure that they weren’t going to be attacked.

Their surroundings went silent for a moment, only the faint sound of birds nearby reaching them. Then the figure lifted their hands and pulled back the hood of their cloak to reveal a young woman with long black hair and mud-coated skin staring back at them. She stared at Negan, tilting her head, and then started to use sign language.

Negan did his best to focus on the signs, sighing once he realised what she was saying.

‘You don’t speak English, okay, brilliant.’ He groaned, running a hand through his hair, and then pointing to his chest.

‘Negan.’

The woman stared at him for a few seconds, narrowing her hazel eyes at him before pointing to herself.

‘Liùsaidh.’ Then she pointed to the dog still snarling at everybody.

‘Sorcha.’

Negan nodded, giving her a smile, and putting a finger up to indicate he’d be back in a second. Turning away, he went to the front of the truck and opened the door to talk to Carl.

‘I need you to translate, you’re better at sign language than me.’

Carl frowned at him, confused but getting out of the truck anyway, carrying Jasmine in his arms as he walked around to the back of the truck. He eyed the woman standing there suspiciously before giving Jasmine to Negan and starting to sign to her.

_‘My name’s Carl. Are you part of a group?’_

Liùsaidh shook her head, seeming calm until one of their idiot Saviour supply runners came up behind her and tried to take her daggers.

‘Iain, don’t!’ Carl was too late to save him.

As soon as the idiot Saviour touched Liùsaidh’s shoulder, she grabbed his wrist and flipped him onto the ground. She stood on his throat, not waiting another second before stabbing him in the side of the neck. Ripping out the dagger, she let him bleed out and kept her boot on his throat even though he kept trying to shove her off.

She turned to look at Negan with a glare on her face.

_‘Touch me and I kill you.’_

Carl gulped as he translated, nodding to her, and putting his hands up in surrender before signing while speaking so the others could understand him.

‘No one’s going to touch you again, I promise. If we’re on the same page, would you like to come with us? We have food, showers, beds, we can help you.’

Negan nodded in agreement to put the young woman at ease, pointing towards Sorcha while talking to Jasmine.

‘That’s a doggy. Isn’t it cute?’ He smiled, watching the little girl’s dreamy expression while she stared at the dog.

Carl noted how Liùsaidh’s expression seemed to soften at the sight of his daughter and grinned when she nodded.

_‘Thank you. I’m sorry for slashing your tyre.’_

The teen shrugged, gesturing to Oliver who was switching the stabbed tyre out with their spare one.

 _‘That’s okay, we have a spare. You can sit in the front with me and my husband, there’s a middle seat in there. Come on.’_ He gestured for her to follow, waiting as she got Sorcha to jump into the back of the truck with the others.

‘Rach còmhla ris na daoine snog sin, chì mi thu nuair a ruigeas sinn far a bheil iad a ’fuireach. Nighean mhath.’ She spoke in a language Carl didn’t recognise then followed him with a gruff sound of acknowledgement, reminding him of how Daryl usually communicated with strangers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo, after some confusion about Liùsaidh's language, I'm gonna clear it up here! :3
> 
> She's speaking Scottish Gaelic, which is the first language of many kids on the Isle of Skye where she's from, and although she learned a little bit of English as a teen, she's forgotten most of it over the period of time she's been on her own during the apocalypse. Here's a translation of what she says to her dog at the end of the chapter:
> 
> "Go with these nice people, I'll see you when we get to where they live. Good girl."
> 
> For an extra little note, Scottish Gaelic and Irish Gaelic may come from the same origins but they have grown into separate languages after centuries and it's much less common for the Irish to speak their former language than for the Scottish to speak theirs. I can speak basic Scottish Gaelic and I can't understand shit about Irish Gaelic so there's a distinct difference.


	40. 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo, new chapter! Comment if you like :3

The Sanctuary was bustling with life and loud voices as usual while Carl showed their new addition around the lands, pushing a stroller that one of the other Saviours had found for Jasmine. Two days had passed since their trip to Hilltop and the assault on their truck by Liùsaidh, spent by Carl in the gym and in the new addition’s room, attempting to settle her in properly and making sure she didn’t keep hitting the wall and making her fists bloody by gifting her a punching bag.

Since then, the Saviour Queen had been trying to teach his daughter how to speak, both him and Negan fighting to convince Jasmine to say “Dada” and “Papa” respectively, only for the toddler to stare up at them with blank eyes and no idea what they were saying. Carl had coaxed her with bites of every baby food they could make, blending fruits, vegetables and even sausages to see if his little girl was more of a carnivore baby, but all his efforts produced nothing in the end.

Jasmine continued to babble and giggle in response to his words and everyone else’s, her big blue eyes focusing intently on his like he was the only person in the world. Despite not being able to talk, his daughter was certainly good at eye contact.

‘Carl?’ The sound of Liùsaidh’s voice distracted him from his rambling thoughts about his daughter, his name sounding foreign on her tongue not used to speaking English.

He turned his head to look at her, giving a genuine smile now that he had grown out of his fear of her knife skills. After watching her kill an entire herd of walkers on her own with just her two daggers, he had been wary of her murderous skill, but her throw of a knife into the walker behind his head changed his mind about that fear.

‘Not knife you, just them.’ The young woman had reassured in her broken English, causing him to relax for the rest of the walk they had been on.

She had proved herself protective of her allies that first day they knew each other, something that was in short supply these days now that almost a decade had passed since the start of the apocalypse and everyone had found their allegiances and settlements.

Carl could tell Liùsaidh had no one before she attacked their truck other than Sorcha, the mud caking her arms and neck barely washed by river water never mind a shower. She hadn’t been anywhere with people since two years after the beginning, according to her signing, meaning she’d been alone for six years straight. The teen couldn’t imagine being alone for all that time and staying sane, but Liùsaidh had done it.

‘What’s wrong?’ He signed in response to her saying his name when he finally focused on reality again, wondering if she had seen something that he hadn’t.

Two days with her was all he had needed to figure out how sharp her senses were.

Liùsaidh shook her head at his question, pointing to Sorcha who stood beside Jasmine’s stroller like a guard dog and then to the grassy area beside the entrance gates. It took Carl a moment to realise what she meant and when he did, he nodded, watching her let Sorcha off the leash and the dog subsequently bounding over to the grass and peeing.

He smiled, a faint expression, before he spotted Daniel and Cara signing back and forth to each other by the gates. He gestured to Liùsaidh to follow, coming up to stand beside his friends and putting Jasmine’s stroller brakes on. The other two turned to look at them when the little girl made a loud squealing noise to get their attention.

Carl noticed Cara’s eyes flicker over Liùsaidh before her hand rested on the pistol in her holster, clearly untrustworthy of the new face. Daniel got behind Cara a little, seeming wary too, causing the Queen to speak up before any fights broke out between the trio that would likely end in the death of the two established Saviours.

‘She doesn’t speak any English, you trigger-happy assholes, tap your chests and say your names.’

‘If she doesn’t know any English, how are we supposed to speak to her?’ Cara frowned, eyeing Liùsaidh suspiciously still which was visibly making the young woman anxious.

‘How does Daniel speak to you? Sign language.’ He scolded them both, offering the young woman a sympathetic smile which she returned awkwardly, clearly not used to smiling at anyone.

Cara nodded with a sigh, giving Liùsaidh the same awkward smile before tapping her chest and shoving Daniel to do the same who had already kneeled down to say high to Jasmine. He stood up straight with a grin, tapping his chest.

‘Daniel.’

‘Cara.’

It was Liùsaidh’s turn to glare suspiciously at the other two this time, her walls raised until she was sure the new people were safe. Then she brought her hands up to sign, speaking in her native language like she did all the time while she signed so that they knew what the words meant.

‘Toilichte coinneachadh riut.’

‘Pleased to meet you too. Carl, how long has she been here? I haven’t seen you or her in the past two days.’ Cara complained, smiling at Jasmine when she began to make noises again to get attention.

The teen moved to pick his daughter up from her stroller when she started to babble, worried something was wrong until Liùsaidh stepped in and kneeled down to the toddler, letting her grab her hand and play with it to keep her quiet. The three Saviours stared at her strangely, confused, until Liùsaidh noticed their expressions and lifted her one free hand to fingerspell her words.

‘Bha piuthar bheag agam o chionn bhliadhnaichean.’

Carl nodded, understanding now why she had become so fiercely protective over Jasmine even in the short space of a few days. She must have reminded her of her little sister. He wanted to ask about everything he didn’t know about the woman, but he figured that would be better to do when his daughter wasn’t gripping onto Liùsaidh’s fingers like a life raft and the young woman wasn’t staring at her like she was beyond perfect. He knew his daughter was perfect already, he was just glad other people agreed with him.

‘I think she’s collecting aunties.’

‘She’s collecting everyone, aunties, uncles, Robbie and Luka too. She’s the star of the Sanctuary.’ He smiled proudly, petting Jasmine’s hair when she looked up at him before going back to playing peek-a-boo with Liùsaidh.

The scene of the two of them playing together put Carl at ease, his comfort reappearing now that he knew Liùsaidh wasn’t going to hurt his little girl. He kneeled down beside the stroller to scratch Sorcha’s ears, watching his daughter bond with the lonely stranger who just needed someone to care about her until Cara grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the quiet scene, looking ready to scold him.

‘You’re trusting a complete stranger to go near your daughter without knowing what she’s thinking, are you insane? She could be saying anything she wants to us and signing what she wants us to hear, I don’t trust her.’ The older woman insisted, causing Carl to sigh and shake his head.

‘She could have killed both me and Negan in that truck on the way home. She could have left me and Jasmine for dead in the middle of the woods on our walk. She’s had plenty of opportunities to kill me off so no, I’m not insane. I trust her because she hasn’t killed me yet. I need more people like her because we don’t know what’s out there waiting to come and kill us, my dad could be planning to straight up murder me, for all I know, so I need people like her to protect me, my family, everything that Negan’s built.’ He fought back, running a hand through his hair and glancing over at Liùsaidh and Jasmine just to make sure they were okay.

Cara shook her head, still not appearing convinced as she leaned against the wall of the factory, still watching him carefully.

‘Well say she is on our side and she trusts you as much as you trust her, how are you going to make sure she doesn’t kill one of our allies for simply going to say hello to Jazz? I imagine she’d kill anyone who touched her at this stage.’

‘I’m working on that part. If I can figure out what good and bad are in her language, I can establish a code so that she knows who she’s meant to be threatened by and who she isn’t meant to threaten.’ He explained, putting a hand over his mouth to yawn as the sky began to get darker.

Both of them looked up at the sky, watching as the colour darkened slowly and the cloud cover got worse.

‘We should get inside before that rain hits, come on.’ Carl got everybody back inside and sounded the rain alarm so that everybody could get inside and no one would get sick from the cold.

‘We’ll have to start distributing the blankets and switching the heating on, I have a feeling we’re going to get snow.’ Cara predicted as she shut the door behind the last person, locking it properly so the wind couldn’t take it down during the night.

‘It hasn’t snowed in years, Cara, don’t get your hopes up.’ Carl rolled his eyes at her suggestion, motioning to Liùsaidh that he’d be one minute so he could take her back to the room she’d been allocated. The young woman shook her head, crouching down to say goodbye to Jasmine who was still in her stroller, staring up at everybody while they bustled around, getting ready to set up for dinner.

‘Chì mi a-màireach thu, a nighean bhòidheach, bi math dha d ’athair.’ She cooed to the toddler before standing up and signing to Carl that she knew the way back by herself then disappearing through the crowd to get to the living quarters.

‘She’s not eating with us?’

‘She’s used to the quiet, I think the main hall is just too noisy for her at dinner.’ The teen explained, kneeling down to get Jasmine out of her stroller and lifting the little girl into his arms.

‘Let’s go and get Papa to come downstairs for dinner, huh? He’s being a big lazy bear up there!’ He cooed to make the little girl giggle, clasping hands with Cara as a goodbye before heading upstairs to get his husband to eat.

Opening the door slowly in case Negan had fallen asleep on his documents since Carl last saw him at lunch time, he peeked in and found the man standing by the window, staring out at the rain with his usual leather jacket replaced with a plain blue t-shirt and his jeans turned into pyjama pants.

‘Wearing your old man slippers and lamenting about the rain, King of the World?’ He teased, entering with Jasmine on his hip and wandering over to his husband, causing the older man to laugh and pull him against his side when he got close enough.

Jasmine clambered from Carl’s arms onto Negan, hugging around his neck and burying her head in the man’s neck, not making a sound other than the little giggle that escaped her.

‘Hi, sweetheart.’ Negan smiled when his daughter latched onto him, holding the little girl up and staring out at the rain again.

‘You think it’ll snow this year? Cara does.’

Negan shrugged, looking down at his daughter with a smile.

‘It might. Be nice for kiddo to see snow at least once in her life.’

The two of them watched from the upstairs window as the rain came heaving down onto the paved ground outside, Carl feeling Negan’s arm wrap around him as they observed the weather together, Jasmine wrapped around Negan’s neck and babbling happily with her stuffed fox in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation for what Liùsaidh says to Jasmine near the end:
> 
> "I will see you tomorrow, pretty girl, be good for your father."


	41. 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is a bitch for motivation but I'm back, bitches <.<
> 
> Please enjoy and comment if you like it (please ;-;) :3
> 
> Love to you all, hope you had a great Christmas if you celebrated!

Carl stood off to the side of the courtyard with Cara, Jasmine sitting on his hip as the trio watched Liùsaidh tear through walkers like butter. After a week at the Sanctuary, Negan had put her on “dead duty” on account of her skill at killing the dead fuckers. The Queen had argued at first, worried that the woman would get hurt only a few days after joining their ranks, but she had taken to the job like a duck to water, her kills alone almost enough to make the other workers obsolete.

He had done his best to communicate with her outside of signing, but it was difficult when their native languages were so different. The real progress came when Negan suggested teaching her the words for good and bad in English so that she didn’t end up hurting anyone that didn’t deserve it. It took a few days, but they finally got to a stage where Liùsaidh understood the basic English words he taught her and everyone’s name, but she insisted that she wanted to keep talking to Jasmine in Gaelic. Knowing two languages wouldn’t have a detrimental effect on the toddler so it didn’t bother either of the leaders – they just figured Liùsaidh wanted someone to talk to naturally without worrying whether she was being understood.

Now that she was settled in and had made friends with the few people she thought she could trust, Carl had decided to have her join their weekly trip to Hilltop, determined to socialise her with more people and to use her combat skills to the group’s advantage if anyone at the other settlement decided to start a fight.

The usual trip to Hilltop took a few more days to organise this time, Negan too enthralled by teaching the Saviour kids and trying to improve the appearance of Jasmine’s crib to look a bit prettier. The older man hadn’t stopped interacting with their new daughter since his first night with her, the two of them forming the cutest father-daughter duo Carl had ever seen, so he didn’t want them to stop interacting the morning he headed down to Liùsaidh’s room.

Slipping out unnoticed while Negan played on the bed with their little girl, he wandered downstairs to their new resident’s room and knocked on the door, watching as the young woman jumped down from the metal bar she was hanging upside down on and approached him.

‘Carl, thing wrong?’ She asked with a smile, at ease with the teen now that they had learned to communicate verbally and were somewhat friends.

Carl shook his head, deciding against speaking since his words were more complicated this time and lifting his hands to sign with a smile.

_‘No, nothing wrong. Me, Negan and the security guys are going to a different community for supply sharing today, I was wondering if you’d like to join us?’_

Liùsaidh observed his signing without saying anything then tilted her head, black fringe flopping in front of her left eye before she attempted speaking, feeling a bit more confident after a few days of communicating with others at the Sanctuary.

‘Jasmine be there?’ She enquired, patting a towel against the back of her neck where she was sweating.

Carl nodded, offering her the apple he’d swiped from the breakfast layout as he came down to her room. She eyed him for a moment without saying anything before nodding, taking the apple and slipping out one of her daggers from under her pillow. She severed a chunk of the fruit with it then tapped her wrist.

‘Time we leave?’

 _‘One hour from now. You have time to finish your workout and kill a few of the dead before we leave.’_ Carl smiled at her, a gesture she didn’t return but he hadn’t expected her to.

The young woman simply nodded, cutting off some more apple and setting it down on the desk in her room, gripping back onto her metal bar to pull herself up. The teen stood there watching for a moment before he shrugged, leaving her to her exercise and strolling back up to the top floor of the factory. When he entered his and Negan’s shared bedroom, now a family room, he saw his husband and daughter still sitting together on the bed, Negan brushing the toddler’s hair that was growing a little more each day. She was still a beautiful blonde like her mother which made Carl grateful. He wanted his little girl to have something to remember the woman who protected her with her life for so long.

A low creak emanated from the door as Carl entered, the hinges giving him away and causing Negan to turn and look at him. A gentle smile erupted on his face that made the teen’s heart melt while he shut the door behind him and crawled onto the bed beside the man, latching onto his broad back like a koala.

‘Teaching our daughter your naughty words and turning her into a mini-Negan, huh?’ He laughed, kissing his cheek and smiling at the little girl who reached out for him.

Taking Jasmine into his arms, he cuddled them both up against Negan’s chest, pressing his face into his neck. He took a deep breath, taking in the scent of cinnamon and leather to relax himself. Despite the mutual peace between the Sanctuary and Hilltop, Carl still worried every time he saw the darkness in his dad’s eyes. He couldn’t bear the thought of the man starting another war and every time they went to Hilltop to collect supplies, he just felt like they were getting closer to the end of the world.

Well, the second one.

‘Are you coming to Hilltop today?’ He asked Negan softly, looking up at him with his worried gaze and smiling when the man nodded.

‘Of course. I wouldn’t leave you to deal with Grimes on your own.’ He smiled, leaning into the kiss on the cheek that he received in response.

Carl grinned, a wicked expression as he thought about how much Rick would hate the way Negan called him “Grimes” like he was something apart from his own son. Both of them knew Carl wasn’t a Grimes anymore, he was Negan through and through, another head of the Hydra but one of the most important ones. He was Negan’s gem.

Feeling Negan’s arms around him an hour later only reiterated that feeling for him. He watched Jasmine reach a hand up to stroke the man’s stubbled face and smiled, bouncing her up and down with a light touch while Cara folded the toddler’s stroller to store in the back of the truck.

‘You go and drag her away from her killing spree, I’ll take care of little miss.’ The older man reassured, leaning down to press a kiss to Carl’s mouth before he took the little girl from his arms and held her close, heading towards the car they were driving ahead of the truck.

‘We’re sitting in the back where it’s safe because Papa doesn’t want you flying through the windscreen. No, we don’t need any baby walkers to deal with, you’d be so cute that we’d just let you bite us and then everyone would fall at the hands of that evil grandfather of yours. He’s a bad man, isn’t he?’ Carl listened to the way Negan cooed to Jasmine with a smile, watching them walk away before heading to the gates and waving to get Liùsaidh’s attention.

When her hazel eyes found his, he tapped his wrist then pointed to the car.

‘Leaving!’

The young woman nodded in response, slicing into one last walker before jogging over to get into the car. She was covered in walker blood now, pale skin morphed into black and red from the rotting bodily fluid that spattered on her arms and t-shirt.

Carl sighed. She’d cover the whole car in dead guy if he let her sit in it like that.

 _‘I’ll put a towel down. Just because we’re used to the smell doesn’t mean we need stains.’_ He signed quickly, both of them walking to the car and the teen taking the towel offered by one of the other Saviours, covering the passenger seat with it.

Liùsaidh sat down, careful not to ruffle the towel or accidentally touch the stainable fabric of the seat, then gave Carl a thumbs up.

‘Ready, boss.’ She smiled, sliding her daggers back into their holsters on her thighs and staring ahead out of the window, waiting to take off.

The younger nodded, shutting the door and getting into the car, taking off for Hilltop.

The journey there was easy-going and quiet, everyone in the car staring out at the landscape that passed them by. Carl focused on the road most of the time, not particularly wanting to run into anyone who had a fast engine and a death wish, but every so often he looked to the side to find Liùsaidh staring out of the window, starry-eyed like the nature amazed her.

He supposed he could understand that. After everything that had happened to the planet, it was quite incredible that nature was taking back what the human race had stolen from it. Trees and plants, animals and blue skies, it was all returning, fixing all that had been broken by greed.

By the time they reached Hilltop, Jasmine had fallen asleep on Negan’s chest once again, her small face tucked into the man’s neck where she snored soft but loudly. Carl couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face at the sight of her blacked out on her Papa’s chest, reaching his hand out and petting her hair from where he sat in the driver’s seat.

‘You want to see Uncle Daryl, Flower? I’m sure he wants to see you.’ He hummed, watching as her eyes opened at the mention of Daryl and smiling, tapping her nose.

‘Let’s go then, baby.’ He got out of the car, opening the door for Negan so he could climb out without bothering Jasmine too much and then opening the door for Liùsaidh so she didn’t spread blood anywhere else.

The woman ran her fingers through her hair once she was out of the car, tying back the black waves and nodding to Carl. Her face was overtaken by a smile when Negan approached with Jasmine though, a completely different side showing in her as she stared at the toddler with a bright expression.

‘Where’s ma Lil’ Warrior? I ‘aven’t seen you in far too long and it’s only been a week, girl.’ Carl smiled brightly at the sound of Daryl’s rough voice coming from behind him, turning around to face him as he approached.

‘Hey- oh fuck!’

He hadn’t even noticed the threatened look on Liùsaidh’s face when she saw Daryl reaching to take Jasmine from Negan, nor had he expected the young woman to launch herself at the man, daggers out as she decked him to the ground and pressed both blades against his throat.

‘Good guy! Good guy! Liùsaidh, he’s a good guy!’ Carl wailed, panicked at the sight of the blades kissing his friend’s neck far too closely for comfort.

‘What the fuck? Kid-’ The assaulted man was cut off by Liùsaidh’s hissing and the daggers pressing harder, drawing a small amount of blood just under his jawline.

‘No speak.’

Daryl stared at her with slightly widened eyes before looking up at Carl the best way he could at that angle, looking for an explanation for the woman straddling his chest and holding a knife to his throat. The teen gave him an awkward smile, gesturing to his attacker.

‘Daryl, this is Liùsaidh. She’s good with knives, don’t you think?’

The archer’s blue eyes flickered back to stare at the assailant on top of him. He clocked the way her chest heaved with each breath, the exertion of decking a man twice her height and body weight taking its toll on her smaller body. She looked malnourished, not that she was a skeleton but despite her muscles, she wasn’t far off it. Hazel eyes stared back into his, dark and frightened underneath the tough exterior of knives and muck coating her skin.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to get out from under her without her cutting through his throat with the daggers, not if he wasn’t quick, so he waited with bated breath until she was sufficiently distracted by looking up at Carl with a worried gaze.

‘Good guy?’

Daryl watched the teen nod in confirmation to her question and felt the woman’s knives move away from his neck somewhat. Just enough for him to escape the danger.

Grabbing Liùsaidh’s wrists while he had the chance, he pushed her away from his throat and flipped them over so she was on her back against the ground. Underneath him, she looked much more vulnerable, like a deer caught in the headlights of his bike, but she still didn’t want to back down judging by the determined flicker in her eyes.

Jumping back so he was standing straight, the archer slipped out his own knives and raised them against her once he was a far enough distance from her body. The younger girl leapt up from her supine position and raised her daggers too, circling him in the middle of the Hilltop courtyard while others watched them stand against each other.

‘Daryl, don’t try this. She’s more dangerous than you think.’

‘She ain’t gon’ kill me, you told ‘er I’m not the enemy. Just play-fighting, Grimes.’ The man insisted when the teen voiced his concerns, circling around with Liùsaidh and nodding to her.

‘Ain’t gon’ kill me, right kitten?’

The short assassin eyed him, suspicious that he would make a move if she put her daggers down first and gesturing to the blades in his hands.

‘Give to me.’

Daryl frowned, wary of giving up his weapons considering she was clearly not harmless. Glancing at Carl, he only saw him shake his head no with Negan doing the same once he was by his side. No one wanted him to give up the weapons but… he didn’t think she would hurt him. He usually had a good sense about that shit as a tracker.

Putting his hands up, he slowly crouched to the ground and placed the knives down and waited on his knee for Liùsaidh to collect them. He listened to her footsteps crunch on the ground and prepared himself once her boots were in his viewing range. As soon as she picked up the blades, he stood up and hit them out of her hands in one, swift motion, pulling her close into a headlock and pointing one of the daggers at her throat.

‘Just play-fighting now. Friends?’ He murmured in her ear, not wanting the others to know he was so easily trusting someone in case one of the people he didn’t trust thought he was weak for it.

Liùsaidh froze in his grip but seemed to relax when he said ‘friends’. He wondered if she understood what he was saying after hearing her broken English. It took a moment before her hand reached up to grip his wrist, pulling it away from her throat so she could get away from him.

‘Charaidean, tha.’ She muttered in what sounded like an affirmative statement, causing Daryl to give a brief nod and go back to Carl and Negan who were still staring at them as if Liùsaidh was about to gut him like a fish.


	42. 41

They hadn’t stayed long after Liùsaidh attacked Daryl, the woman disappearing between the houses after a few minutes while Carl and Negan talked with the second in command of Hilltop. Every so often, they would pass by a house and spot their deadly new friend perched on the roof of it, sharpening one of her blades while glaring down at them, but no trouble came from her glares. Carl figured she was just in a bad mood after being beaten by someone for the first time in a while. Everyone else she had come up against so far had been an easy defeat, but Daryl seemed to spook her when he pinned her down on the ground. A bruised ego was bad for social skills, it appeared.

Jasmine had stayed cuddled into Daryl’s arms the entire time they were sauntering around the community, her young hands gripping onto the back on his neck while she made small, indistinguishable noises, giggling whenever the archer tapped her nose or kissed her forehead.

For an hour, the four of them wandered around, Daryl happy to spend time with the newest member of the Negan family while her parents walked beside them, Carl wrapped around Negan’s arm with his head on his shoulder, until it got to a late stage in the day and the Saviour couple decided to head back to the Sanctuary.

Approaching the truck, Carl was about to call out for Liùsaidh until she appeared from between two of the houses, daggers in hand. She gave Carl one of her rare friendly smiles before her eyes flickered to Daryl, her gaze darkening.

 _‘Liu, come on, let’s go home. No need to fight Daryl.’_ Carl insisted, sighing when she seemed to ignore him and witnessing as she stormed up to the archer, putting one blade to his neck.

The sight of the weapon didn’t faze Jasmine who just giggled, reaching out to hug Liùsaidh’s arm as if it were a stuffed animal, but Daryl’s eyes narrowed at her. The pair glared into each other’s souls, in a suspense-filled few seconds that made Carl worry someone would end up dead, before Liùsaidh finally spoke up, jutting her chin out to gesture to Jasmine.

‘Give to me. Now.’

Daryl didn’t say anything, ignoring her as he turned to Carl and handed Jasmine to him. The teen could see Liùsaidh seething behind the archer, her teeth bared in a hiss while he just continued to give her none of his time. Once Jasmine was safely in her dad’s arms, though, the older man turned and licked his thumb, wiping away a streak of the blood and dirt on her pale cheek.

Liùsaidh looked affronted at the motion, her eyes opening wider into more of an expression of shock rather than anger now.

‘Need a shower. Worse than me.’ Daryl muttered, wiping his thumb on his jeans before pressing the young woman up against the side of the truck, putting his hand around her throat and causing her to fight against him like a wild animal.

‘Off! Off!’

The archer didn’t move, moving closer to her face and pointing at her.

‘Put tha’ knife near me or Lil’ Warrior again, I’ll kill ya. Ya need to calm down, right kitten?’ He insisted, waiting until she had stopped struggling before he finally let go, stepping back to avoid the dagger that he knew would swipe at him.

Liùsaidh didn’t use her blade though, only staring him down like she was fighting for dominance. Eventually, she slid her daggers back into their holsters on her thighs and trudged over to Carl and Negan to get back into the car, ignoring them both in favour of getting in the front seat and sulking.

Carl turned to Daryl with a raised eyebrow, rubbing Jasmine’s back where she was cuddled into his neck and falling asleep.

‘You’re going to end up dead one day if you keep messing her about like that.’ He criticised with a playful tone behind his scolding, rolling his eyes when the archer just shrugged.

‘She’ll soften soon. But get ‘er in a shower, doesn’ need all that muck weighin’ ‘er down.’ He told him, giving Jasmine one more kiss on the forehead as she was handed over to Negan for the journey back.

The older Saviour got into the back of the car with ease, his sleeping daughter barely disturbed by the movement at all.

‘I’ll see you next week. Maggie said she was going to make a family dinner for us all, so we’ll stay the night.’ Carl informed the older man, kissing Daryl’s cheek lightly as he hugged him before getting into the car.

Once everything was packed away into the trucks and everyone was buckled into their respective vehicles, they headed out to the Sanctuary, hoping it wouldn’t turn too dark before they managed to reach home.

∞

Carl was surprised at how quickly the next week passed by with the stress of keeping an eye on Liùsaidh and waking up in the late hours of the night to comfort Jasmine when she heard walkers outside, but before he knew it, they were rummaging through clothes to find outfits suitable for a family dinner. Negan had insisted that he wanted to look at least clean rather than their usual scruffy and covered in blood appearances, so it was Carl’s turn to dig through his wardrobe in an attempt to find anything that was remotely sophisticated.

Negan had a suit jacket that he brought out of a drawer as if it were the most regular thing in the world for him to own a black, red-lined tuxedo coat, setting it down on the bed beside Jasmine who stared at her dads with confusion in her big blue eyes. The younger of her parents continued to look at all his options, frustrated with the colour options.

He was decidedly not eating dinner with his father in a gold shirt.

He watched as his husband scooped Jasmine up from where she sat, tickling her tummy to make the toddler giggle, and then sitting down on the bed with her on his lap. Sighing, the teen turned back to his shirt concerned decision and ran his fingers across the soft fabric of his blue top, blushing when he thought of how Negan had given it to him with the compliment that it matched his eye.

‘Wear the red silk one with your navy jeans. Makes you look hot and you can wear your new boots.’ The older man spoke up from where he was testing Jasmine’s reactions to her different dresses that he’d laid out for her, making Carl let out a little laugh and nod, picking up the red shirt from among the pile and slipping it onto his shoulders.

‘Okay, but just because I look hot all night doesn’t mean you can touch me during dinner. My dad has enough reason to hate me, I don’t need to see that asshole look at me with disgust tonight.’ He smiled at the man, leaning down to kiss his forehead while he buttoned the shirt up and Jasmine reached for the purple dress among the selection Negan had offered her.

Carl couldn’t help but grin at her enthusiasm, leaning down further to kiss his daughter’s head too and stroking her blonde curls back away from her eyes.

‘You’ll look beautiful in that one, my love.’ He hummed, smiling brighter when she looked up at him, her small hand tugging at his hair that fell in front of her face.

‘Da…’

The two Saviours held their breath when the little girl spoke, ready for her to say her first word after the past few days of her hinting at being about to speak, but nothing came of it in the end and she went back to tugging at Negan’s fingers, oblivious to the anticipation her parents were in a state of while she almost spoke but just not quite. Carl thought it would piss him off if the little girl weren’t so goddamn precious to him.

‘Maybe next time.’ Negan smiled, kissing her cheek to make her giggle before getting on with dressing them both.

Once everyone was dressed appropriately, they headed downstairs to meet with Liùsaidh at the car. Carl couldn’t say he wasn’t surprised when they walked out to find the young woman with not a speck of dirt or blood on her skin, dressed up in a purple shirt and black jeans. The only reminder that she was still somewhat wild was the scuffed black boots on her feet, completing her ensemble.

She gave them both a wave, not unfriendly, when she saw the family approaching, Sorcha standing beside her and bounding up to the couple for attention while Jasmine reached out towards Liùsaidh, pointing to her shirt that was the same colour as the toddler’s dress.

‘You and auntie Liùsaidh are matching, Flower, isn’t that good?’ Negan cooed to his daughter, letting her transfer from him to their newest friend and cuddle into the woman’s shoulder.

‘A bheil sinn a ’maidseadh, caileag bhòidheach? Abair rud a thachair.’ Liùsaidh grinned at the little girl, kissing her forehead as they slid into the back seat of the car, Jasmine playing with her long black hair in amazement.

Probably at how clean it is, Carl thought to himself with a brief hum of laughter before nudging Sorcha to get in the back of the car, watching her leap in then getting into the front and waiting for Negan to start driving.

 _‘You look good, purple suits you.’_ The teen signed to Liùsaidh with a smile, glad when he received one back while she ran a hand over Jasmine’s hair and Negan turned the ignition key.

It took them two and a half hours to reach the Hilltop settlement, Negan’s semi-fast driving getting them there a little faster since he didn’t want to be out in the dark in an unfamiliar area. Sorcha had clambered into the front of the car for attention during the journey, her paws planted firmly on Carl’s crotch for a while before he managed to nudge her away from that area.

Negan brought the car through the gates with ease, parking just at the entrance of the community and turning off the engine for the others to get out. One of the other members shut the gate behind them, waving with a smile before they wandered off to their own house, leaving the four and their dog to walk towards Maggie’s house.

Inside, Maggie had set up the table with Enid to fit everyone around it. Carol, Rick, Michonne and Daryl were already sat around it at different seats – the only people they all truly trusted in the end of the world.

‘I have a highchair for the baby that Jasmine can use. Come here, Dandelion, I need a hug from my favourite little Saviour.’ Maggie grinned, reaching for Jasmine but hesitating a little when she saw that Liùsaidh was holding her.

Stopping her advance, she put a hand out, introducing herself. She’d seen what happened when Daryl tried to take the toddler without an introduction the week before, she didn’t need the same thing happening in her house.

‘Maggie Rhee, nice to meet you.’

Carl watched with bated breath as Liùsaidh considered the older woman’s hand, ready for her to lash out and attack like she had done to Daryl, but she simply smiled at her, shaking her hand.

‘Liùsaidh.’ She responded kindly before handing Jasmine over to Maggie and controlling Sorcha with a hand tucked into her collar before the dog could run rapid around the nice, clean house.

‘Calma, Sorcha. Suidh snog.’ She told the dog before leading her to the table to sit by her feet, sitting in a seat clearly the furthest away from Daryl that she could get.

‘No hard feelings between those two then, huh?’ Negan whispered to the teen, earning a nudge on the ribs as Carl dragged him over to the table and they settled into the family dinner.

It didn’t take long for the group to shovel down their food, everyone most likely starving from working their respective jobs all day. Jasmine, as Carl expected, hadn’t lasted long in her highchair, soon reaching out for Maggie when her bottle was empty.

‘She’s used to getting constant attention from all the Saviours fawning over her.’ Negan chuckled as the woman lifted the toddler from her seat, letting her sit on her lap and playing peek-a-boo with her until the person who hadn’t spoken all night finally said something.

Carl was shocked stiff when his dad asked to hold Jasmine, so surprised by the question that it took Negan’s hand squeezing his where it sat on the table to get him to react with words. Looking up at Rick, he could see he looked unsure whether he would be allowed to take the little girl, the fear of being hurt by Negan still clearly present in his list of phobias.

He glanced at Negan who nodded a little to him, squeezing his hand again to get him to speak which caused the teen to nod too, gesturing to Maggie to let his dad hold the toddler. To his disbelief, Jasmine latched onto Rick immediately, playing with his beard to make the man grin and giggling when he tapped her nose.

The sight sent a rush of disgust through Carl that was only quelled by Negan’s hand still wrapped around his, so he leaned back into his husband, trying to control the rage that was bubbling and threatening to hit his dad over the head with Lucille. He hated seeing the man be so gentle with Jasmine when he so willingly led Judith into an unwinnable war, the idea of him doing the same to Jasmine such a harrowing thought that it made him feel sick. He couldn’t ever let that happen to his daughter, but he reasoned with himself that there was no danger in letting Rick hold her, so he went quiet and sipped his water while leaning into Negan, watching the two of them interact.

While the rest of the extended family inside the house chatted and made each other laugh, Daryl stood up from where he was seated, having watched Liùsaidh and Sorcha leave the house as soon as the young woman had finished eating. He didn’t know where she’d gone but outside the house was a good start so he swung his crossbow onto his shoulder and heading out the door, worried that without any weapons, the girl would get hurt. Though he was sure she was packing weapons somewhere despite her fancy attire for the night.

Exiting the house, the barest of smiles reached his face when he found her sitting on the stairs, laughing, and smiling at the dog she had brought with her that night while it jumped all over her and leaned into her hands when she scratched its ears.

‘Cute dog.’ The archer hummed, putting his hands up in surrender when a dagger appeared from behind her back and pointed at him.

‘No’ ‘ere to fight. You left looking lonely, so I came to check on ya.’ He explained, sitting down on the step at the other side of the excitable dog and offering his hand to it to sniff.

Liùsaidh just stared at him, making him wonder once again if she could understand a word he was saying. Using his hands, he tried to use gestures to explain what he meant but the young woman only looked at him with a tilted head before she started to use what appeared to be sign language that Daryl couldn’t understand.

Watching her for a moment, he frowned, putting up a finger to indicate he’d be back in a second before peeking his head inside the house.

‘Any paper? I don’ know no signs.’

Taking the notepad that Maggie offered along with her pen, he snuck back out to sit with Liùsaidh and offered the book to her, trying his hardest not to smile when she took it and started writing. There was something satisfying about talking to the girl, like he’d finally found someone to speak to without having to actually speak in his redneck accent that he continued to hate long after the old world had disappeared.

He observed her writing in silence, reading when she finally held it up.

_‘Why are you here? Shouldn’t you avoid the girl who almost gutted you like a salmon?’_

Daryl frowned, taking the pad from her and scribbling his reply.

_‘Ain’t no point in avoiding you. You looked lonely so I thought I’d keep you company. What’s your dog’s name?’_

Liùsaidh gave him a faint smile at the question, her walls coming down just a bit now that she didn’t have to struggle speaking English. Running her hand through Sorcha’s long fur, she replied in a soft, easy voice.

‘She is Sorcha.’

‘I like that.’ Daryl hummed before taking the notepad again and writing down a question, eyeing the way Liùsaidh’s legs relaxed out of their hunched position while she wrapped her arms around the spaniel licking her face.

_‘What does her name mean in your language?’_

At that the woman frowned, biting her thumb as she took back the paper and thought about what the right word was. After a moment of looking deep in thought, she wrote again, shaking her head.

_‘I don’t know the word in English. The sun’s rays when they shine on things, or lamps when they shine on your book. Do you know the word?’_

Daryl raised an eyebrow at the question, pointing to the mosquito lamp hanging from the porch roof.

‘Light?’

Liùsaidh immediately brightened at his answer, as if the word itself had pushed into her and lit up her personality into something new that Daryl had yet to see in her. She looked happy, happier than she had been cuddling with her dog. The archer had to will himself not to blush at the fact that she was smiling so brightly at him, feeling embarrassed around a woman for the first time in years.

‘Light, yes! She is big light!’ The girl exclaimed, forcing the older hunter to crack the smile that was already threatening to show on his face.

She seemed to soften once she saw the expression, pointing to his mouth.

‘Smile more, fits you.’ She told him, letting go of Sorcha and watching as the spaniel moved from her owner to Daryl, wriggling into his arms and licking his face.

Her tail wagged when the man looked down at her, making his heart melt as he scratched her ears gently.

‘Yer a cute pup.’ He complimented, smiling a little wider when she continued to wag her tail and licked him again.

‘She likes you.’ Liùsaidh spoke up from her seat beside them, voice softer now and causing Daryl to take the notepad back, scribbling the best he could while Sorcha was nudging one hand with her muzzle.

 _‘I like her too.’_ He showed the ravenette woman the paper and watched as her smile only widened in response, looking back down at the dog with a grin.


	43. 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo :3
> 
> Enjoy the chapter :3 Please comment if you enjoy!
> 
> I love you all xx
> 
> PSA: There is explicit smut in the first half of this chapter.

Blackout curtains in the spare room they occupied for the night kept Carl and Negan from waking up too early in the day, the couple only getting disturbed when Negan finally stirred in his own time and opened his eyes to look at the younger man lying in bed beside him. Without the fire they usually had to keep them warm, the two relied on the central heating of Hilltop to keep them from freezing to death, but Negan didn’t like the lack of burning wood smell that reminded him of waking up next to Carl every day.

Gazing at the teen, the fire was the only thing missing to make the morning perfect.

‘You should take a picture, it’ll last longer.’ The mutter from his husband came out in a gritty but soft tone of voice, his one eye opening only slightly to avoid being blinded by any invading light from outside.

When he realised there was no danger of that happening, his blue eye opened all the way to stare back at Negan, causing the man to grin a big stupid grin at him.

‘I don’t need to take a picture because you’re mine already.’

Carl snorted at that.

‘Age is turning you into a teddy bear, old- Negan!’ He yelped in surprise when he felt the older man’s hand under the covers and his fingers easing their way inside him slowly.

The other simply grinned wider at him, sliding the digits further in and pressing the pads of his fingers right against where he knew his partner was most sensitive. It was a movement that made Carl jolt and try to wriggle away from him.

‘We have to get up before Jasmine needs us, Neeg,’ He tried to argue but was cut off by another assault on his pleasure centre, forcing a moan from him and encouraging Negan to shuffle closer in bed and kiss his shoulder blade while he worked him with his fingers, ‘Negan, come on!’

The elder of the two shook his head in response, though, pressing his lip to the cartilage of his ear and making the movements of his hand a little rougher.

‘She’s with Maggie and the others downstairs, she’s fine. So, we’re alone… in bed…’ He began to accentuate his statement with kisses down Carl’s neck with every few words, hovering over his back now, ‘no distractions… and I haven’t… been inside you… for far too long.’ He muttered lastly right into his ear like a vibration, licking the hard muscle there and causing his lover to jolt in pleasure once more with another rub against his sensitive insides.

Carl rolled his eye despite his moaning, gripping onto Negan’s hair to get him to slow down and burying his head in his pillow.

‘I hate it when you’re right.’ He grumbled, gasping when the man hit the right spot again before shoving at his shoulder weakly.

‘Sit against the fucking headboard, I don’t want fucked like a dog.’ He huffed, shivering and letting out a whimper when Negan nodded and took away his fingers so he could sit up.

The teen grumbled again when he had to move, trying to sit up and keep the duvet around him at the same time as he straddled the Saviour’s thighs, almost faltering and falling off the bed until rough hands caught him, sliding around his waist. A deep chuckle accompanied them while he settled on Negan’s lap comfortably, resting his hands on the man’s shoulders and glaring into the brown eyes that were watching him with a fond expression.

‘I’m trying to keep myself wrapped up ‘cause it isn’t as warm here as it is at home, stop laughing.’

‘Sorry, it was just a funny sight to watch you almost fall off the bed.’

Carl narrowed his eye at that, hitting his chest.

‘Keep laughing and you can forget getting your dick warm today, asshole.’

‘Okay, okay, I’m sorry,’ Negan laughed in reply, sliding his arms tighter around the boy and kissing him softly, feeling his smaller member rutting against his stomach despite his complaints, ‘come here, killer.’ He purred, coating himself in the oil bottle he’d left on the bedside table and pushing into the younger slowly.

Fingers dug into the meat of his shoulders as he filled in the tight warmth surrounding him, short breathy gasps reaching his ears while he moved inside the blue-eyed beauty straddling him.

‘Fuck, Negan…’ The words were accompanied by a sharp tug to his hair and the feeling of Carl’s thighs trembling against his, his ass clamping around the intrusion.

The older Saviour simply chuckled and gripped his hips tighter, thrusting into his tight body fast enough to make the teen fall against his shoulder, moaning into his neck.

‘Shit, shit, shit,’ He whined into his ear, arms wrapping around his neck and trying to gain stability as he was ravaged.

Negan didn’t let up on his pace, gripping onto the plump flesh of his hips until Carl was a moaning wreck, only able to focus on the feeling of his insides being turned to mush. He pressed his lips to the man’s neck in attempt to keep his moans from being too loud, but that didn’t prevent the whole house from hearing them.

∞

Downstairs was a whole different situation.

In the kitchen, Maggie was already up and making breakfast for everyone, heating up formula for Jasmine while the toddler sat in her highchair and spoke in nonsense language to her stuffed fox. She had been up since 5am and actively seeking Maggie’s attention, reaching for her anytime she let her go and babbling softly in reply to anything she said.

‘At least you’re getting closer to words, huh, Dandelion? But you know, I don’t think your daddies would even care if you couldn’t speak. They just love you to pieces.’ The older woman smiled, leaning her elbows on the kitchen counter as she leaned forward to the little girl.

Jasmine just babbled happily again, looking up at her with a smile full of little teeth. Maggie sighed, pinching her cheek gently.

‘Alright, darling, breakfast time.’ She hummed, taking the bottle of formula from the bowl of warm water she’d set up earlier and drying it off.

Testing the heat on her forearm briefly, she then handed the bottle off to Jasmine who took it without any fuss, able to hold it herself. Her guardian smiled at the sight of her drinking and slid a small bowl of porridge onto her highchair table before glancing over at the couch.

She’d come downstairs that morning to find Daryl sleeping there with Liùsaidh resting with her head on his chest, both lost to the world. It was unexpected after the fights they had had but Maggie thought it was quite sweet, leaving them to sleep off the hours they had stayed up late talking to each other. The two notepads on the coffee table with lines and lines of conversation in them were evidence enough of that.

Sorcha, on the other hand, had settled herself at the foot of Jasmine’s highchair once she was sat there and she’d lay there ever since, snarling faintly still every time Maggie got too close but the woman was sure the dog was softening to her.

Now the living room was quiet, complete silence filling the house while she picked up the plastic spoon in Jasmine’s porridge and blew on the mouthful for her.

‘Here comes the choo choo train, chuga-chuga, chuga-chuga…’ She laughed softly when Jasmine giggled at her actions and ate the food without a fuss, blowing on another spoonful for her as a groan came from Daryl on the couch.

‘Don’t wake your girlfriend up, she looks tired.’ She said it so casually she wasn’t sure he’d heard before a grumble reached her ears and both of them were awake when she looked over.

Daryl had jolted upon hearing Maggie’s comment so suddenly that it had caused Liùsaidh to wake up too, her hand resting on the archer’s chest as they stared at each other with wide eyes. It was a scene hard not to laugh at for the third wheel in the situation and she had to cover her mouth to keep Daryl from seeing her smirk.

The room was quiet again for a moment before their newest member was on her feet and brushing her hands through her black hair to neaten it. In that moment Liùsaidh looked like the feral, frightened girl Carl and Negan had found on the side of road again, her eyes downcast while Daryl sat up slowly, treating her like he would a spooked animal when he saw her body language.

‘Liù…’

‘I made breakfast if you want some, might help.’ Maggie spoke up from the side-lines, trying to diffuse the situation and regretting it immediately when Liùsaidh bolted from the house, leaving Daryl to sigh and rub his hands over his face, gazing at the notepads on the table and picking one up.

He flicked through the pages of conversation, hours’ worth of back-and-forth admissions and mistakes and everything in between. After all that, she shouldn’t have run so quickly but he had expected it still.

‘I’ll heat it up for you later. Go and find her.’ Maggie told him softly, covering the plates with foil for now while Daryl stood up, shrugging his vest on, and tying his boots.

‘She’ll be in the woods, betting.’ He huffed, leaving the house, and finding the young woman already climbing the Hilltop fence like a bear.

She was halfway up when he jogged over.

‘You fall and it will hurt!’ He called out, getting her attention as hazel eyes turned to focus on him.

Daryl sighed when she didn’t speak, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand while he looked up at her.

‘If you come down, we can talk. Or you slip and die, crazy lady’s choice.’

Liùsaidh looked affronted by his choice of words, having more understanding and more memory of the English language after spending all night talking to him. Daryl watched as she turned her nose away from him stubbornly before starting to climb down, only just moving fast enough to catch her when her footing faltered and she fell to the ground from fifteen feet up.

The younger landed in his arms with a thud, her eyes screwed tight as if she believed he would have let her hit the ground. It took her a moment to realise she’d been saved and then she turned stubborn again, dropping out of his arms the rest of the way and hitting the dirt, standing up quickly.

Daryl put his hands up in surrender without saying anything, wondering what she would do next, but Liùsaidh only stared at him, her face flushed from the shock of falling. She didn’t say anything as they stared back at each other, eventually looking away and moving to tie her hair back into a ponytail while he watched.

The archer frowned again, his face melding into its usual position as he looked around at their surroundings for signs of people. When he found no one else was around, the older man gulped, feeling like a shy teenager again looking back to Liùsaidh. She still looked embarrassed, running her fingers through her hair like she’d done all night while they talked.

He made sure to look around once more just in case before stepping closer to the young woman. He didn’t know when he started wanting to kiss her, he hadn’t wanted to kiss anyone in all the years that they’d been stuck in living hell. The man was used to being surrounded by people having sex and relationships, and he didn’t get it – not until the psychotic woman who pounced on him and held a knife to his throat the first time they met.

Liùsaidh seemed to freeze when Daryl stepped closer, trapped like a deer in the headlights as she looked up at him.

‘Da-’ He cut her off without thinking about it anymore, kissing the ravenette and holding his breath in anticipation for his throat to be slit.

He hadn’t expected her to start kissing back.


End file.
